diagonal_mambo
Member
I'm new here, so I thought I'd post a little introduction.
I've never been diagnosed with OCD. This is because I've never been to therapy for it. All up, I've had less than a dozen therapist appointments in my life - although I'm realising I should have had many, many more - and I've never considered my OCD to be a problem, until recently.
I have had this for as long as I can remember well, and I remember traits even further back. When I was young, I had a need for all sensation to be symmetrical. I would spend ages getting out of a pool, because the leg I pulled out first felt colder. I once burned a finger in a candle, and spent the next few minutes darting the corresponding finger on my right hand in and out of the flame in an effort to produce the same sensation of heat.
When I was a teenager, I was a heavy hand washer. I would wash my hands dozens of times throughout the day. I would open doors with my shirt, and if I messed it up, I would wash my hands. I would wash my hands after touching the toilet door at times. When going number two, I would do so in the downstairs toilet, because it was right next to the laundry, and allowed me to scrub my hands with laundry powder. One year, during Winter, my hands were so dry they cracked and bled. This ruined a lovely romantic moment with my partner of the time.
Since then, the hand washing has been reduced in severity, thanks in part to working at McDonald's for two years. I still have a number of ticks, some of which are only present during times of stress or anxiety, some of which are always present. Some of them can be ignored, albeit begrudgingly, and some I can't help no matter how hard I try.
My current partner, who I live with, is the first person to point out my OCD as something I need to address. She finds the way I eat my food irritating, and I sometimes get irrationally upset when she interferes with the way I do the dishes or has the last of the butter beans.
Recent relationship issues have been aggravating it. I've found myself anxious a lot of the time, and compensating by allowing myself to get lost in my ticks. I can't walk to our local supermarket anymore without consciously avoiding stepping on cracks, which is something I normally don't worry about.
I'm seeing a therapist on Wednesday about it for the very first time. I'm preparing a list of things I do, in brief, as a guide of what to talk about.
My partner linked me to this forum, and I decided to join when the second topic was about syllable counting, which has severely impacted my ability to read long prose. It's nice to see other people who understand what it's like, and that it's something to be dealt with. I've accepted, in the rational part of my mind, that I will be better off without this, but the rest of me is terrified.
I've never been diagnosed with OCD. This is because I've never been to therapy for it. All up, I've had less than a dozen therapist appointments in my life - although I'm realising I should have had many, many more - and I've never considered my OCD to be a problem, until recently.
I have had this for as long as I can remember well, and I remember traits even further back. When I was young, I had a need for all sensation to be symmetrical. I would spend ages getting out of a pool, because the leg I pulled out first felt colder. I once burned a finger in a candle, and spent the next few minutes darting the corresponding finger on my right hand in and out of the flame in an effort to produce the same sensation of heat.
When I was a teenager, I was a heavy hand washer. I would wash my hands dozens of times throughout the day. I would open doors with my shirt, and if I messed it up, I would wash my hands. I would wash my hands after touching the toilet door at times. When going number two, I would do so in the downstairs toilet, because it was right next to the laundry, and allowed me to scrub my hands with laundry powder. One year, during Winter, my hands were so dry they cracked and bled. This ruined a lovely romantic moment with my partner of the time.
Since then, the hand washing has been reduced in severity, thanks in part to working at McDonald's for two years. I still have a number of ticks, some of which are only present during times of stress or anxiety, some of which are always present. Some of them can be ignored, albeit begrudgingly, and some I can't help no matter how hard I try.
My current partner, who I live with, is the first person to point out my OCD as something I need to address. She finds the way I eat my food irritating, and I sometimes get irrationally upset when she interferes with the way I do the dishes or has the last of the butter beans.
Recent relationship issues have been aggravating it. I've found myself anxious a lot of the time, and compensating by allowing myself to get lost in my ticks. I can't walk to our local supermarket anymore without consciously avoiding stepping on cracks, which is something I normally don't worry about.
I'm seeing a therapist on Wednesday about it for the very first time. I'm preparing a list of things I do, in brief, as a guide of what to talk about.
My partner linked me to this forum, and I decided to join when the second topic was about syllable counting, which has severely impacted my ability to read long prose. It's nice to see other people who understand what it's like, and that it's something to be dealt with. I've accepted, in the rational part of my mind, that I will be better off without this, but the rest of me is terrified.
