Hello everyone! Happy to be here. Well, actually I wish I didn't need to be here but all things considered I'm happy to be. I'll proceed to give a detailed explanation of my anxiety, if you care to read (probably not).
I was an incredibly shy kid in elementary school. People joked that I only talked to this one friend I had and nobody else. I ended up dropping out of elementary to homeschool for 5th and 6th grade. After sixth grade I went into middle school at the school my siblings had gone to. 7th and 8th grade were okay, all things considered. But that was when I discovered I had social anxiety. I had anxiety symptoms just sitting in the classroom and I dreaded being called on and doing presentations. I couldn't talk to girls without having incredible anxiety attacks.
Freshman year was one of the worst years of my life. I went through a major depressive episode, there was tons of drama at my house and my anxiety was amplified. I was terrified just of going to school. But something odd happened during one week of school - I went through what I believe was a hypomanic episode. I felt really confident, talkative - especially with girls. And I NEVER talked to girls prior (or after the episode). I ended up going to this one dance and dancing with several different women. Man, that was a great week.
But that passed. I went back into the gutter and I lost all my motivation. I didn't want to go to school, didn't study, became even more shy and lost the best friend I ever had. He would invite me over but I wouldn't go due to my self imposed social isolation, as well as him expanding his social milieu and me being terrified of interacting with new people. So, I lost him as a friend which was the worst thing that ever happened to me. My grades and mind deep in the gutter, I ended up repeating my freshman year.
The second go around wasn't bad. I was in class with my best friend, made several other 'associates,' although we never did anything outside of school. I did pretty well in my classes and even liked some of them. I have suffered several panic attacks in my life, all at school. One time I actually got up and just left school and walked home. I had a really awful attack and felt so overwhelmed just being there. Fast forward to sophomore year, I went back into the gutter and ended up dropping out of school entirely. I was completely isolated except when my best friend came over after school. I was agoraphobic and terrified to leave my house. I felt great for a while, because I minimized anxiety - but I created a vicious circle for myself. I became incredibly depressed and lonely. I didn't have any friends outside of that one. You kind of feel like almost no one cares about you, even though it was my fault for isolating myself.
I've made some progress - slow progress. I'm no longer agoraphobic, I can leave my house and go anywhere. I give orders at restaurants, buy things at the checkout line etc. I'm in my senior year of doing this online homeschooling thing and college looms. I'm scared of college, but I know I need to move on from these last two years and get out of the vicious circle. I am SO freaking scared of college, man, I can't even describe it. But we will see. I want to major in Psychology.
Anyway, dueces!
I was an incredibly shy kid in elementary school. People joked that I only talked to this one friend I had and nobody else. I ended up dropping out of elementary to homeschool for 5th and 6th grade. After sixth grade I went into middle school at the school my siblings had gone to. 7th and 8th grade were okay, all things considered. But that was when I discovered I had social anxiety. I had anxiety symptoms just sitting in the classroom and I dreaded being called on and doing presentations. I couldn't talk to girls without having incredible anxiety attacks.
Freshman year was one of the worst years of my life. I went through a major depressive episode, there was tons of drama at my house and my anxiety was amplified. I was terrified just of going to school. But something odd happened during one week of school - I went through what I believe was a hypomanic episode. I felt really confident, talkative - especially with girls. And I NEVER talked to girls prior (or after the episode). I ended up going to this one dance and dancing with several different women. Man, that was a great week.
But that passed. I went back into the gutter and I lost all my motivation. I didn't want to go to school, didn't study, became even more shy and lost the best friend I ever had. He would invite me over but I wouldn't go due to my self imposed social isolation, as well as him expanding his social milieu and me being terrified of interacting with new people. So, I lost him as a friend which was the worst thing that ever happened to me. My grades and mind deep in the gutter, I ended up repeating my freshman year.
The second go around wasn't bad. I was in class with my best friend, made several other 'associates,' although we never did anything outside of school. I did pretty well in my classes and even liked some of them. I have suffered several panic attacks in my life, all at school. One time I actually got up and just left school and walked home. I had a really awful attack and felt so overwhelmed just being there. Fast forward to sophomore year, I went back into the gutter and ended up dropping out of school entirely. I was completely isolated except when my best friend came over after school. I was agoraphobic and terrified to leave my house. I felt great for a while, because I minimized anxiety - but I created a vicious circle for myself. I became incredibly depressed and lonely. I didn't have any friends outside of that one. You kind of feel like almost no one cares about you, even though it was my fault for isolating myself.
I've made some progress - slow progress. I'm no longer agoraphobic, I can leave my house and go anywhere. I give orders at restaurants, buy things at the checkout line etc. I'm in my senior year of doing this online homeschooling thing and college looms. I'm scared of college, but I know I need to move on from these last two years and get out of the vicious circle. I am SO freaking scared of college, man, I can't even describe it. But we will see. I want to major in Psychology.
Anyway, dueces!
