vernski
Member
Greetings, ladies & gents. I'm a 26 y.o. girly, born and raised in the heart of Illinois (translation: middle of nowhere, USA). I have had SA since I was about 9 years old. That was about the time my mom chose to leave our house, for good. She's been in my life since then but more as a background player and definitely not in the way that a child needs their mother. I was never very shy as a child up until that point.
My family has never been big on showing their emotions. It was always very difficult for me saying things like "I love you" growing up. We have our own way of showing affection which is pretty much teasing and tormenting the hell out of each other. I always managed to get the brunt of these "signs of affection". I'm #2 of 5 children and being the quiet one, I've always been pushed to the back of the picture and left to fend for myself. So needless to say, I've kept many things bottled up.
I've suffered a lot of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of my father and siblings over the years. Depression hit me like a ton of bricks my first year of high school. I just gave up caring about everything. My grades plummeted but my dad never really knew. I always got home before he did so I would shred up my report cards. I had a small group of friends that I hung out with at school but avoided everyone at all cost outside. Finally in my senior year, with about 2 months left 'til graduation, I quit school. It was just a few weeks after my 18th birthday. My school had this thing called the Senior Project. It was mandatory for anybody in academic or enriched English classes to complete or there was no possible way you could graduate. It consisted of a student coming up with a topic and shadowing someone who does this in real life (ex: coaches baseball, runs a restaurant). This was my final straw. The thought of having to do this project terrified me so I just gave up.
Up until about 3 years ago, I never knew what my SA was nor what to call it. I've been on Paxil for a little over a year now. So far, it's helped. As of now, I live with my father and my 25 year old sister. My life is pretty much and always has been that of a hermit's. The only time I really get out of the house is when I go grocery shopping, when my sister drags me out to shop, or when my brother or my baby sister come over to visit. I don't have a car, license, or job so until I can become independent of my family, I am stuck.
I hope to help where I can and possibly make a few friends.
My family has never been big on showing their emotions. It was always very difficult for me saying things like "I love you" growing up. We have our own way of showing affection which is pretty much teasing and tormenting the hell out of each other. I always managed to get the brunt of these "signs of affection". I'm #2 of 5 children and being the quiet one, I've always been pushed to the back of the picture and left to fend for myself. So needless to say, I've kept many things bottled up.
I've suffered a lot of mental and emotional abuse at the hands of my father and siblings over the years. Depression hit me like a ton of bricks my first year of high school. I just gave up caring about everything. My grades plummeted but my dad never really knew. I always got home before he did so I would shred up my report cards. I had a small group of friends that I hung out with at school but avoided everyone at all cost outside. Finally in my senior year, with about 2 months left 'til graduation, I quit school. It was just a few weeks after my 18th birthday. My school had this thing called the Senior Project. It was mandatory for anybody in academic or enriched English classes to complete or there was no possible way you could graduate. It consisted of a student coming up with a topic and shadowing someone who does this in real life (ex: coaches baseball, runs a restaurant). This was my final straw. The thought of having to do this project terrified me so I just gave up.
Up until about 3 years ago, I never knew what my SA was nor what to call it. I've been on Paxil for a little over a year now. So far, it's helped. As of now, I live with my father and my 25 year old sister. My life is pretty much and always has been that of a hermit's. The only time I really get out of the house is when I go grocery shopping, when my sister drags me out to shop, or when my brother or my baby sister come over to visit. I don't have a car, license, or job so until I can become independent of my family, I am stuck.
I hope to help where I can and possibly make a few friends.
