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Krista

Well-known member
So this weekend was suppose to be the first of many that I actually try to get out and do something, since I'm so very good at doing the opposite. Well this weekend blew huge effing balls. I hope I'm allowed to say that. It had it's moments but over all I'd say no. Not only was it brought to my attention more that I'm incredibly unhappy with myself and every single thing around me but just yesterday I had an epiphany. Sitting in a car waiting on a friend of mine I realized everything I dislike I can change..real brain buster, I know. It was more of a clear path on how I could fix or start rebuilding the things I need to change or have let go to waste. For a second it gave me hope and made me think that I might be able to do this for myself, in small steps of course. And to think my plans for a new life started in the parking lot of a gas station. The next thing you should know is that I'm a sucker for lists..I love to have them around and I love to make them. I'd plan my whole future in a list if I could without the spontaneity of life getting in the way.

But my problem is that after realizing how completely tired I am with life and getting myself all worked up about changing it, I don't want to. I did make a list actually of what I'd like to have done by the end of this closing year, mapped out everything I need to do and still nothing. So basically I let myself get stuck in this weird limbo inducing funk where time seems to stop and I have no life or job, stayed there for awhile and got use to it and now I'm so comfortable with disliking everyone and everything it seems that I don't want to bother trying for some happieness.

Case in point, I think I like living in my rut in life even though I know I can't stay like this. I just feel no motivation to change it though.
 

Nicholas

Well-known member
Same problem.
I talked about this with my psychologist too, and it all boils down to "choices". I know what I should do, I know what I'd better do, I know what kinds of mistakes I should avoid, but everything is still the same. I don't have the balls to change my life. Why? Because every choice entails some risks. If I make a choice, that will involve risks...
The risk for me would be more like disappointing my parents and relatives, losing the few friends I have, being humiliated on a daily basis until I learn how to do some things well, being beaten up, making lots of enemies, being completely alone for a while, etc.
The psychologist told me that such risks exist, and some are likely, and that's why I am afraid to do something to change my life, but such risks must be taken sooner or later, otherwise nothing will ever change.
 

Krista

Well-known member
Same problem.
I talked about this with my psychologist too, and it all boils down to "choices". I know what I should do, I know what I'd better do, I know what kinds of mistakes I should avoid, but everything is still the same. I don't have the balls to change my life. Why? Because every choice entails some risks. If I make a choice, that will involve risks...
The risk for me would be more like disappointing my parents and relatives, losing the few friends I have, being humiliated on a daily basis until I learn how to do some things well, being beaten up, making lots of enemies, being completely alone for a while, etc.
The psychologist told me that such risks exist, and some are likely, and that's why I am afraid to do something to change my life, but such risks must be taken sooner or later, otherwise nothing will ever change.

Oh my goodness, you just became my new best friend. That's exactly how I feel though. I know that I'm severely unhappy with my choices of friends and until I can be where I want and need to be, I'm going to have to drop them for awhile until I'm more confident in myself at least. But that means being alone until I learn to make new friends. It seems I can't reach a positive without having to deal with a negative and that's why I don't do anything. I'm scared of the negatives because it seems like that's all I live with and to be all by myself for awhile, even to be gone of the so called friends I have scares me more. So it just becomes easy and routine to stick with what I know. Damn the cycles of SA.
 

Nicholas

Well-known member
LOL :D I agree with everything you said.
Yes, the friends I have are the ones I have always had: we went to the same schools, we have hung out together for years, etc. But I am so different from them, I have a very different personality, and so I feel like I'm in a cage and I can't be myself. I don't feel like I'm part of the group, I just hang out with them once a week. But at my age and in my situation, it is very difficult to make the right choices without risking too much... It's impossible. It is very difficult to find new good friends... Every choice I would have to make to improve my situation would necessarily lead to some inevitable negative consequences as well, and so I just can't find the courage. I'm too sensitive to criticism, judgment, sudden changes, competition, pressure, loss...
The only choice I made was dropping out of college, and I don't regret it much. That path wouldn't have led me to real happiness in the end. But now every other choice is going to be tough...
 

Krista

Well-known member
Ugh, well I certainly understand that. I'm the same way with my friends, because I went to school with them it's kinda like your safe zone. I mean I would give anything for change but then I think..would I really. I just don't have to be the one to make it, but that's impossible so I guess be miserable or be miserable on your way to happieness...neither sound that appealing to me. But for sure I'll be asking you more stuff and vice versa if we need to talk lol.
 

dooby-duck

Well-known member
What about if instead of looking at the big picture which can be scary you look at small sections and small more obtainable goals, to build confidence and experience. I think way too much and talk myself out of doing things and avoid making decisions. The result of this is nothing, no change, stuck in a rut.
 

206Raider

Well-known member
I know what you mean, I make lists on what I want to change about myself to get better. I get great productive ideas of what I want to do to change about myself, how to talk to people, how I can get a job, how I can be anxiety free out in the world and just do it essentially. But then all those theories go out the window when it's time for me to do it. When I'm in my "safe zone" I think I can do about anything like it's not so bad but when I'm in a situation that I "plan" for, nothings goes right. It's very frustrating, it feels like everything that's right feels wrong and everything that's wrong feel right. I have gotten better but I know what you mean where sometimes you just say "f--- it" and let yourself be. When I'm in this rut i'm comfortable, nothing bad is going to happen to me, everything stays safe but the problem is I feel like I'm wasting away and not living the fun productive life that I should be and I'm capable of living. I understand myself now that I do not need 1,000 friends and parties everyday to be happy but I also don't want to be a hermit lol.
 

Nicholas

Well-known member
I agree with you all. ;)
When I'm in a "safe zone" where I feel comfortable and I'm not afraid of being humiliated or that anything bad might happen to me, then I can "try", I can try to take some risks. But the problem is that most of the time there is no "safe zone", and I would need to take risks in "dangerous zones". That is a problem for me, and I get stuck.
My psychologist said that I need to take such risks or nothing will ever change, but he added that it doesn't necessarily have to feel like jumping off a cliff and take either all the risks or none. He suggested trying to make changes gradually, little by little, and that would be the only way to reach a goal that seems impossible to reach at first. Step by step, choosing the right steps.

But another thing I have realized is that I seem to be the kind of person who "wants it all, and wants it now". I'm not patient or easily satisfied, I'm a perfectionist. That part of my personality might be the reason why I find it hard to make any changes or take any risks. It's like I'm not willing to take short steps, and I want to try to take too many risks at once... All or nothing, I'm eager to get out of this bad situation, I expect too much of myself and feel like I need to take lots of risks at once, skipping all the short steps. That of course looks scary, and therefore I end up doing nothing. :mad:
 

Krista

Well-known member
I agree with you all. ;)
When I'm in a "safe zone" where I feel comfortable and I'm not afraid of being humiliated or that anything bad might happen to me, then I can "try", I can try to take some risks. But the problem is that most of the time there is no "safe zone", and I would need to take risks in "dangerous zones". That is a problem for me, and I get stuck.
My psychologist said that I need to take such risks or nothing will ever change, but he added that it doesn't necessarily have to feel like jumping off a cliff and take either all the risks or none. He suggested trying to make changes gradually, little by little, and that would be the only way to reach a goal that seems impossible to reach at first. Step by step, choosing the right steps.

But another thing I have realized is that I seem to be the kind of person who "wants it all, and wants it now". I'm not patient or easily satisfied, I'm a perfectionist. That part of my personality might be the reason why I find it hard to make any changes or take any risks. It's like I'm not willing to take short steps, and I want to try to take too many risks at once... All or nothing, I'm eager to get out of this bad situation, I expect too much of myself and feel like I need to take lots of risks at once, skipping all the short steps. That of course looks scary, and therefore I end up doing nothing. :mad:

Lol I know what you mean. I hate sitting around waiting for results. I want isntant gratification but that's not how things work so I get discouraged easily.
 
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