Inappropriate Doctor?

[Lucia]

On my first visit to my doctor, he told me I was too pretty and too smart to have any 'real' problems. Over the past 2 years he's given me a few more choice pieces of advice. Because of my anxiety, switching doctors is so difficult for me, but I wish I would have done so anyway.

Today, my doctor pushed me over the edge. He told me I have no reason to just be sitting at home, not working. He said it was time for me to grow up. Then he said this must be a result of me being spoiled as a child. I explained I wasn't spoiled, we were very poor and I was expected to work on the neighbor's farm in exchange for food. He said I must be very angry at my parents for me to punish them by sitting at home now. I told him I wasn't angry at all. I felt I had a good childhood and didn't resent them at all.

Then he went off on me for having a fiance who is 14 years younger than me (somehow I wonder if I were a male, if I wouldn't have gotten a pat on the back instead.) He said that since my fiance doesn't help me, I need to get rid of him. I said, "He's dying from cancer and Lou Gherig's disease. I had a few good years with him before he got sick and now I'm supposed to kick him out?" He said yes.

He also said I should stop helping my dad, my fiance and my child (who's 8 and autistic) and just concentrate on myself. ???

Then he berated me for homeschooling my child. My kid was in 6 different schools over the past 6 years (even though we never moved, the school district moved him), and out of those 6 years, children and youth services contacted me 4 years in a row about the teachers abusing him! (He still has scars.) Plus he tested at below a kindergarten level when he was in the 2nd grade, and now that I've been homeschooling him, he's at a 4th grade level in some areas. How could this be a 'wrong' decision?

I'm sorry to vent. I'd really like to report my doctor, but I'm not sure if this is inappropriate behavior on his part, or he's just rude and stupid. Then, I'm not even sure who I'd report him to.

My father is in the hospital dying, my fiance has 2 years at most to live, my mother's waiting for a lung transplant (which they said it is likely she'll die before she gets it) and I just try so hard to take care of my autistic son. I don't expect daisies in life, but I think most people would break under the stress I'm under. I don't see why my doctor keeps dismissing my illness and saying I'm just lazy. (Honestly, one of the first things people always say about me is how hard working I am.) I'm so angry. It's no wonder I lock myself in my house.

 

[Feathers]

oh gosh, he said all these things??

no wonder you're frazzled!!

hmm, maybe you could try to find out if other people have had complaints about him? (Okay, this will sound maybe odd, and I *hate* my nickname under my forum nickname, but have you Googled him yet? ) maybe + 'problems' or 'complaint' or such?

do you have any other reliable supportive adults, like maybe a social worker or someone who has been helping with your child or someone at the hospital etc that maybe you could ask for opinion or if they know about any complaints about this guy already?

I *have* been spoilt as a kid (not proud of it, mum was just reading way too many 'child-upbringing manuals'!! and she had somewhat idealized picture of kids, still does..) and have been angry at my parents too.. many people don't realize it's a problem, even if you *want* to change it's not easy!!

But if you've been working so hard, it may be just 'projection' or 'transfer' from his part?? You've been working, maybe just not for money recently, he does sound very *materialistic* - maybe you could rant to him about the value of volunteer work or such - not sure if it'd help any? This doctor maybe has own issues or grown-up kids that hate him hmm?? (Is he a Libra??) Or maybe mixed up different patients?? (Is he older? Alzheimer's already? Or midlife crisis??)

See, that's why I've been afraid of going to a 'real professional' yikes! Whatever he said just sounds unsupportive.. There may be a point in there somewhere, but with that kind of attitude it's easy to not see it!!

It may be easy to 'get lost' in other people's problems (I've had problems with this too!!), in a way, it can also be a form of distraction from living your life - even when it's really important and neccessary.. maybe the idea was to just try to find some things for yourself to enjoy in life too.. Maybe 1 hour a day to do things you like and fill your batteries, perhaps to go for a walk or jog or hike (maybe together with kiddie or alone)...

So sorry to hear about your dad, mum, fiancee and son... Life hasn't been easy, has it?
I wonder, do you all live in a chemically polluted town or something?

I think it's great what you've been doing!! Helping dad/mom/fiance/kiddie... Just maybe try to find some sparkly moments for yourself too?

Take care and ((hugs))

Hope you manage to find a better doc, more understanding!! Maybe someone who specializes in illness/grief/autism etc? Maybe any organisations/non-profits dealing with these things could recommend someone good? (eg there are cancer support groups, not sure if for relatives too..) There are autism support groups too, check if there are any locally! (They might also help with advice what to do about this doc - hmm?)

 

[nicole1]

I hate HATE when doctors do this. That's being judgemental and not helping at all!

I'm assuming you have SAD, and that's what he's supposed to help you with. I've had psychologists, psychiatrists who all don't see a social problem. They see my life and what I'm doing wrong.

No matter what, that is your life. He has no right to say anything about it.

You're a great fiance, a great mother, a great daughter. How are you to concentrate on you? Going to therapy is one way and he should see that. He's an a**.

You are great and I see it's stressful.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

oh gosh, he said all these things??

no wonder you're frazzled!!

hmm, maybe you could try to find out if other people have had complaints about him? (Okay, this will sound maybe odd, and I *hate* my nickname under my forum nickname, but have you Googled him yet? ) maybe + 'problems' or 'complaint' or such?

do you have any other reliable supportive adults, like maybe a social worker or someone who has been helping with your child or someone at the hospital etc that maybe you could ask for opinion or if they know about any complaints about this guy already?

I *have* been spoilt as a kid (not proud of it, mum was just reading way too many 'child-upbringing manuals'!! and she had somewhat idealized picture of kids, still does..) and have been angry at my parents too.. many people don't realize it's a problem, even if you *want* to change it's not easy!!

But if you've been working so hard, it may be just 'projection' or 'transfer' from his part?? You've been working, maybe just not for money recently, he does sound very *materialistic* - maybe you could rant to him about the value of volunteer work or such - not sure if it'd help any? This doctor maybe has own issues or grown-up kids that hate him hmm?? (Is he a Libra??) Or maybe mixed up different patients?? (Is he older? Alzheimer's already? Or midlife crisis??)

See, that's why I've been afraid of going to a 'real professional' yikes! Whatever he said just sounds unsupportive.. There may be a point in there somewhere, but with that kind of attitude it's easy to not see it!!

It may be easy to 'get lost' in other people's problems (I've had problems with this too!!), in a way, it can also be a form of distraction from living your life - even when it's really important and neccessary.. maybe the idea was to just try to find some things for yourself to enjoy in life too.. Maybe 1 hour a day to do things you like and fill your batteries, perhaps to go for a walk or jog or hike (maybe together with kiddie or alone)...

So sorry to hear about your dad, mum, fiancee and son... Life hasn't been easy, has it?
I wonder, do you all live in a chemically polluted town or something?

I think it's great what you've been doing!! Helping dad/mom/fiance/kiddie... Just maybe try to find some sparkly moments for yourself too?

Take care and ((hugs))

Hope you manage to find a better doc, more understanding!! Maybe someone who specializes in illness/grief/autism etc? Maybe any organisations/non-profits dealing with these things could recommend someone good? (eg there are cancer support groups, not sure if for relatives too..) There are autism support groups too, check if there are any locally! (They might also help with advice what to do about this doc - hmm?)

Yes. I am so sorry for what's going on; a lot to handle and go through. You need your doctor to support your not judge and criticize you. :: You should try and find someone like Feather's suggests, if possible. You definitely deserve a lot more than a doc like this. Good luck and *hugs*.

 

[Duraldo]

Sounds like every doc i've been too, just wait till you refuse to try the antidepressents or any medication because you have real reservations about taking any medications (or any reason). He flipped out.