Hello everyone,
I am a new user this is my second post on these forums.
anyway to the topic now...
I am making this thread just out of curiosty. I would like to know if anyone else has more or less the same symptoms I have so here it goes.
I feel like the problem at the base of all my SAD problems is the inabilty to smile. like if I were to dig really deep the only thing that actually make sa panic attack kick in is smiling.
let me tell you a bit more about myslef first.
I 've always been a shy person.as far as I can remember I ve always been extremly shy. I remember when I used to go to the park at the age of 4,5,6 etc I would get my mother to ask other kids if I could play with them, istead of asking myself
I started finding ways to cope with my social anxiety at about the age of 16 and that was pretty much: always appearing happy. always smiling . laughing when ppl made the smallest joke and overall just trying to keep ppl comfortable when they were with me. I would try avoid imbarassing silence by making stupid sometimes funny remarks or whatever but the the key to all of it was smiling alot, make it appear as if I am always entertained by ppl aropund me...
that seemed to work perfectly for me untill one day....
that day I was at university we had two and half hours free to spend however we wanted untill next class started. A friend asks if I want to smoke some hash with him and another mate. I was a big hash ( marijuana) smoker at the time so ofc I accepted. we smoked about 7 joints or more one after the other in less then 2 hours.
we go back to the university once we are done and there it hit me...
for the first time ever I was totally unable to smile!! NOTHING... ppl would be saying even funny stuff I just couldnt smile. everytime I tried I would smile for like two seconds and then my lips would start shaking but like shaking really hard. I never saw myself having a panick attack in the mirror but I can only immagine that it must look extremly retarded almost like a handicapped person.
I found myslef in a position where after creating a fake(ish) personality to cope with my shyness. after that I got ppl to consider me the guy that's always smiling always laghing and always in a good mood I found myslef just totally unable to smile in front of others without getting a panic attack.
time passed and these panic attacks started getting more and more frequent!
I still went out a couple of times after they started but I found myself being asked like 99% of the times " what the hell is wrong with you! what happened to you?? you are so serious something wrong?" ofc everytime ppl would ask me these questions I could feel the panic attack getting closer and closer. ( becuase I felt like I had to smile to disprove that something was wrong, only I couldnt without starting to shake which would prove that indeed there was something wrong)
well anyway in conclusion. My panic attacks are caused by the inabilty to smile unless it's a "genuine smile". ofc in real life there are just certain situation where a smile is aobbligatory ( or almost). think for example of being introduced to a new person. you just cant go like " pleasure to meet you" with a dead serious look on your face. a little smiling even if very subtle is required. and that is enough to make me anxious and if the situation is prolonged it eventually ends in a panic attack.
anyone else can relate to this?
thx for reading my long ass post bye bye.
I am a new user this is my second post on these forums.
anyway to the topic now...I am making this thread just out of curiosty. I would like to know if anyone else has more or less the same symptoms I have so here it goes.
I feel like the problem at the base of all my SAD problems is the inabilty to smile. like if I were to dig really deep the only thing that actually make sa panic attack kick in is smiling.
let me tell you a bit more about myslef first.
I 've always been a shy person.as far as I can remember I ve always been extremly shy. I remember when I used to go to the park at the age of 4,5,6 etc I would get my mother to ask other kids if I could play with them, istead of asking myself
I started finding ways to cope with my social anxiety at about the age of 16 and that was pretty much: always appearing happy. always smiling . laughing when ppl made the smallest joke and overall just trying to keep ppl comfortable when they were with me. I would try avoid imbarassing silence by making stupid sometimes funny remarks or whatever but the the key to all of it was smiling alot, make it appear as if I am always entertained by ppl aropund me...
that seemed to work perfectly for me untill one day....
that day I was at university we had two and half hours free to spend however we wanted untill next class started. A friend asks if I want to smoke some hash with him and another mate. I was a big hash ( marijuana) smoker at the time so ofc I accepted. we smoked about 7 joints or more one after the other in less then 2 hours.
we go back to the university once we are done and there it hit me...
for the first time ever I was totally unable to smile!! NOTHING... ppl would be saying even funny stuff I just couldnt smile. everytime I tried I would smile for like two seconds and then my lips would start shaking but like shaking really hard. I never saw myself having a panick attack in the mirror but I can only immagine that it must look extremly retarded almost like a handicapped person.
I found myslef in a position where after creating a fake(ish) personality to cope with my shyness. after that I got ppl to consider me the guy that's always smiling always laghing and always in a good mood I found myslef just totally unable to smile in front of others without getting a panic attack.
time passed and these panic attacks started getting more and more frequent!
I still went out a couple of times after they started but I found myself being asked like 99% of the times " what the hell is wrong with you! what happened to you?? you are so serious something wrong?" ofc everytime ppl would ask me these questions I could feel the panic attack getting closer and closer. ( becuase I felt like I had to smile to disprove that something was wrong, only I couldnt without starting to shake which would prove that indeed there was something wrong)
well anyway in conclusion. My panic attacks are caused by the inabilty to smile unless it's a "genuine smile". ofc in real life there are just certain situation where a smile is aobbligatory ( or almost). think for example of being introduced to a new person. you just cant go like " pleasure to meet you" with a dead serious look on your face. a little smiling even if very subtle is required. and that is enough to make me anxious and if the situation is prolonged it eventually ends in a panic attack.
anyone else can relate to this?
thx for reading my long ass post bye bye.
