I'm worried that I molested multiple children in the past

Y

yesman

Well-known member
Hi everyone. I was diagnosed with OCD just last November, and it has escalated to uncontrollable levels as of now, so I'm really glad that I found this site. This is my first post.

The biggest thing that's worrying me right now is, well, what it says in the title. When I was in grade 7 or 8, I had to lunch monitor some kindergartens with my friend. Back then, I began developing some really sadistic sexual thoughts. For instance, who knows the movie Quarantine, with Jennifer Carpenter running and screaming in a sweaty tank top? That used to turn me on. I know, I'm not proud of it.

Anyway, so with those sexual thoughts, I think I might have molested some kids in the younger grades. I've talked to my old school about this (I'm in grade 11 now), and they brought in the police and everything. Everyone said that I have pretty much nothing to worry about, because 1) they know that I have OCD, 2) nobody has ever opened up about molestation in our school, 3) there were about 2 or 3 adults with us during lunch, and 4) it's really hard to get away with touching someone in a public place. And I don't even have any memories of it!

However, I'm still 100% convinced that I'm evil. But it's too late to confirm with any of the past kindergartens, the police don't believe me, and I'm being labelled as the victim with the mental disorder, instead of the kids that I might have molested. It's so frustrating! I KNOW that I did something! For example, during the later days of our lunch monitoring times, some kids were absent for days. Maybe they were too afraid to come to school because of me. Who knows?

Can anyone offer any advice on how to find the truth?

PS, also in grade 8, I became somewhat attached to three grade 2 boys, and one grade 1 girl.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
Have you ever had any physical contact with those kindergarteners? If you have, did you touch them in certain places?
 
ebot

ebot

Member
Usually pedophiles are attracted to one gender or the other, not to both. So unless yours is a special case, I think you have nothing to worry about on that account.
 
hoddesdon

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Are these obsessive thoughts about having done something themselves a symptom of OCD?

It seems pretty ethical to go to the school voluntarily about this, or turn yourself in.
 
S

Steppen-Wolf

Well-known member
As an independent observer it seems 99% likely that it's all just in your mind. The extreme feelings of guilt, the fact that you turned yourself in, not being sure about what really happened, it all just screams OCD delusions.
 
A

Agent_Violet

Well-known member
If you honestly believe this about yourself then you need to stay away from young children and get yourself some serious therapy.

Just giving my opinion here but it sounds like this stuff is in your head.
 
crazycatlady27

crazycatlady27

Well-known member
i think the question you should ask yourself now is weather you have an unhealthy interest in children and if so go to the doctors and seek treatment
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
If you were a sexually sadistic, and you had molested kids, I think the thrill of it would've made the memory stick. If you can't remember it, I doubt it happened. All evidence points to that you didn't do it. Trust the evidence, not the OCD. It's harder than it sounds, but I think that deep down you know the evidence speaks for itself.

What you should do now though is evaluate how much you're sexually attracted to kids today. And if it's needed get help for it. You don't sound like the kind of person that wants to harm kids, so if there's a danger that you would, stop it before it begins.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top