I'm taking a risk...

[Synesthesia]

...just by posting this, because I'm feeling very anxious about doing this. It's my first post on a site like this and I'm sure I'll get used to posting as long as I keep doing it. But it's hard. I have a few questions and I'd like to know what you guys think, but I'm full of insecurities already. I'm not one to voluntarily ask questions. Ever. What if they've already been asked? What if no one responds? Worse, what if you do respond to tell me they've already been asked, to quit wasting your time, to dig deeper and find my answers on an older thread.

This is hard. My first question then would be whether any of you had a really difficult time posting for the first time.

Something else has been on my mind a lot recently, because it's only been recently that I've started to tentatively think of myself as someone with social phobia. How do I explain this to people I want to tell? Do any of you have some really great "coming out" stories? Or really horrible ones?

I'm not even comfortable with calling it social phobia or social anxiety disorder or anything. Both sound so serious. I've grown up as "shy" and I'm comfortable with "shy." Being shy is a lot more acceptable than claiming a diagnosis. I still feel like maybe I'm just really really painfully shy. But in trying to work out the difference between SAD and shyness, I've come to the conclusion that shy people are maybe more likely to be shy initially and then warm up to people gradually without experiencing the pain and the seemingly unconquerable anxiety? I don't know. I might just be looking for validation here.

I've recently come across the idea that just because someone has social anxiety disorder does not necessarily mean that he or she is also shy. That's a new thought for me: SAD does not equal shy? What? Is this the case for you?

Whoa, scary thought - I've never shared this much about something so personal before.

 

[MrJones]

First of all, welcome to the site Synesthesia!

This is hard. My first question then would be whether any of you had a really difficult time posting for the first time.

Yes, I did. With time and practice it gets way easier


Social Phobia or Social Anxiety Disorder are just labels. There are a lot of different degrees of it, too. You are just yourself and, as every case is different, yours is too. If you want to tell people you have something you can use one of those labels, it's easier to refer a problem this way, but you can also just try to describe them what the problem is.

SAD and shyness is not the same, but a lot of people have both. Some others have SAD but are not shy and some others are shy but have not SAD.

For more information visit a professional therapist

 

[DeadmanWalking]

As our good man Jones has already stated, welcome to SPW!

To answer one question, my first post here wasn't really that hard for me, to be honest. In fact, I was itching to post something, however, I was nervous about what I wanted to post and how I wanted to say it. It's alright to ask questions on here, whether they've been repeated or not. We're here to help, so please don't be so nervous about saying things on here. We'll work to make you more comfortable on here and out there as well!

As for the other question, you might be right. Just because someone has SA doesn't necessarily mean that shyness has to accompany it. But, I'm just an amateur when it comes to analyzing stuff like this, so experts might be your best choice if you're looking for the answer to that question.

 

[Nathália]

Yes. Hello Hi Synesthesia and welcome. My first time posting I just bit my finger and hit click. I have had accounts on other social phobia forums but I have deleted them or neglected them. I have made rants about how hard it was to post and people are just really supportive. So that's why I am still on here and continuously pushing.

Well when you look up the words phobia, shy, and anxiety. There is this key word you always find called "fear". I see where you are going with it though. We all are individuals and we all have our own reasons for not putting our selves out there. There are many shy people who put themselves out into the world, you have shy celebrities, shy people in high positions. Then it may not be that they are shy it could be that they are humble and that is there personality type.

With the coming out for social phobia it took my family a while to know what was going on with me. I was even bashful when speaking to my family about what was wrong with me so I had to go to the doctors and let them explain it. It felt really weird that they knew for a while but I have come into my own skin about it.

It is okay many people on here feel the same way you do. I still have moments, where I do not like my post and my heart starts beating and I want to delete. Yet I push through and I look back and go "that was not as bad as I thought." Good for you Synesthesia. I liked your questions, I like it when people think in a deep way.

 

[Kiwong]

I know that a large proportion of posters on this site have trouble posting, and when they have done wanting to edit or even remove a post. So you are definately not alone in your fear.

For telling people you trust about your anxiety I'd just say tell truth. My experience of telling everybody was scary, there were negative responses, but the majority of people were good about it.

Welcome to the forum and good luck.

 

[KiaKaha]

Hello there Synesthesia,

I felt compelled to respond to your post because I think I may understand how you are feeling and I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.
First of all though let me just say that I love your username, its a cool word....and its the title of an old dance track that I used to belt out constantly in the 90's.

Anyway, all your concerns, questions and doubt about posting in the forum is something that I am sure many users here feel, I know I still do.... what if people think you are stupid for asking? What if you respond and your response is so far off the mark that you make a fool of yourself? What if no one answers your post? You are not alone in feeling this way.... and by right because you do... then you have every reason to be here. You will find in time, that most people here, particularly the people who post regularly are pretty friendly and accommodating. It may be hard, but it will get easier... you will see.

The first time surprisingly for me wasnt that hard... thats probably because I was unknown...and that people gave me the benefit of the doubt. Its actually more difficult now...maybe because I have an online identity now, or that people have associated me with a particular tone with posting. To be honest, I feel more exposed now than I did when I first got here... that doesnt stop me from posting though.

I dont have any coming out stories... I dont really have anyone in my life that truly understands. So I dont really bother. I know this sounds awful...but I feel like I should be ashamed of being socially phobic...it seems so counter intuitive to how people are supposed to be, that its something to almost feel embarrassed about.

I have also come to realize, mainly from being on this site that "social phobia" does not equate to "shy" - at least not necessarily. There was an interesting poll here not to long ago about what social phobia really meant....and to be honest I am still not entirely sure of what the definition is. I do think that if someone labels themselves as socially phobic, then to me that means that there must be something about that person that makes it difficult to function around other people...whether that be shyness/trust issues/agoraphobia/sweating/depression or anything else that handicaps a person socially.

For me... its shyness, depression...and most recently... paranoia.

Although in saying that the dsm definition of 'social anxiety disorder' closely resembles extreme shyness.... you know...,if we want to get all formal and medically correct about it.

Anyway, welcome

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[OceanMist]

Talking about personal problems can be very tough. I've been embarrassed at times.

Even talking about personal successes can be hard.

Of course, I believe talking on here is way easier than talking in person. It's much harder for me in person, at least.

 

[Synesthesia]

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. It means a lot to me. I've never had the chance to talk to people that are also constantly dealing with social anxiety, so this is all very new to me. It's difficult but exciting because of all the positive feedback, the encouragement, and best of all, you guys understand. I've never had that.

OceanMist, yes, it's so much easier to post here than to try to talk about this in person. I feel so much more vulnerable in person. I think this is a really good first step toward maybe not being so afraid to offer my opinions in person. There's not so much pressure here. I really believe my opinions don't matter, so it's taken a while to even take this step, but I'm glad I did.

ShyKiwi, I'm going to look up that song. I was surprised (but really pleased) that the username wasn't taken! Your take on social phobia makes a lot of sense to me and it's definitely given me a new perspective. It allows for a lot more variety and it's way more satisfying than the DSM version. About feeling ashamed...I'm ashamed. I've thought about this a lot. The things I'm afraid of are so silly, so easy for the majority of people around me to do that i'm ashamed that I can't do them. And I'm just as ashamed to admit it.

Beleza, I've always found it hard to understand the people that say they are shy but choose to be in the spotlight. But you've given me new insight. It might be that shyness, like everything else, has variety. It isn't limited to one fixed definition. And it also isn't the ONLY thing that makes up a person. It's one trait out of the hundreds that make someone different. Like social anxiety isn't the only thing worth mentioning about any of you or your only characteristic. You're all poets, runners, singers, writers, artists....beautiful people. I'm doubting my ability to make sense here. I hope it does.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

Welcome Synesthesia!

Personally, I find it much easier to post on forums like this, because there is no way anybody can connect this name with any other forum or my real life self(except the email which should be safe). Plus I can gather my thoughts and explain myself much easier than in person.

I believe phobia is an extreme version of shyness. Phobia is a fear so great that it inhibits what you can actually do; I think SAD also begins to relate to a state of mind that a person will begin to think of themselves as inadequate and they over think their actions due to judgement of others. The disorder also makes a person think they did wrong when nobody really noticed, because the action really wasn't that bad.

I would say shyness could lead to SAD, or a traumatic event could even lead to event specific SAD in a non-shy person.

The more a person puts themself out there, the less anxiety they should feel if they can at least get through the events that cause anxiety without problems. Trying this myself. It's not too bad.

Many people on here are brilliant people(too many to name!), but I bet they don't think that themselves.