I'm repulsive

tizzy

tizzy

Active member
That sounds dramatic but it happens to be the truth about how others come off.

- a distinguished and polite peson introduces me to his wife as she is sitting at her desk. She looks up, barely smiles and turns away.

- a person introduces me to a gal. She says hi then looks far beyond me at all the other people, or just turns away.

- when speaking to someone, they don't hear what I say....they look right through me or ignore me all together.

I know I have a large nose and tend to raise my eyebrows high when I talk, which does look goofy, but my eyes are very pretty and I think I'm a sweet person.
Plus, I sometimes feel like I must be invisible to others. They don't hear what I say or acknowledge me what so ever.

I'm so weary of all this crap. why can't I just care less what others think.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
this reflects upon them, not you. this is probably circumstantial. their minds are probably somewhere else. don't take it so personally.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
You are assuming things and believing the irrational thoughts that run through your head. You have no idea why that guys wife barely smiled and looked away. She could have been very stressed or been having a bad day.

This is normal for people like us but just realize that you cant know for sure what those people are thinking about you.
 
tizzy

tizzy

Active member
I realize it's normal of us to feel this way, and at times, i'm sure I'm irrational about situations and can talk myself out of those, but not the case with this. this happens more than occasionally. I wrote some examples of what happens to me. not what happened to me.
How can you say, Don't take it personally, when it happens over and over again? When rejection happens over and over again?
It's really not circumstantial or irrational. I do have some common sense.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
So what is your purpose in posting on here if youre already convinced that these people see you as repulsive? You might perceive it as happening more than often because you cant be convinced otherwise and that is what you are expecting when you meet people.

My guess is that your friends or casual observers of these numerous situations you speak of would see them as normal encounters.

You are obviously already convinced that these people see you as repulsive and are not willing to hear someone else's perspective so to me it makes complete sense that your reality would play out that way, because that is how you want it to play out. Maybe not consciously but certainly unconsciously. This is evident by you being so defensive when someone offers another way of viewing the situation.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
I would give anything to be invisible. This is like a dream come true. I'm tired of being bullied and pointed out for my flaws and weaknesses. If only people would just ignore me and go about their daily lives without giving a flying f*** about me.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
sullyS25 said:
it makes complete sense that your reality would play out that way, because that is how you want it to play out. Maybe not consciously but certainly unconsciously.
Click to expand...

this. a monster i struggle with, too.

ETA: and i'd replace the word "want" with... "expect".
 
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sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
dottie said:
this. a monster i struggle with, too.

ETA: and i'd replace the word "want" with... "expect".
Click to expand...

I struggle with it myself too! All the time. I automatically assume people will think I am not worthy of their attention. It isnt based on anything but my past.
It's like I was programmed to think this way through being bullied by my brother and his friends so now I expect it to happen to me with everyone I meet. The good thing is that I am aware of it now so I can recognize when Im doing it and recognize it as irrational. Sometimes it still gets the best of me though....It makes sense too because I was lead to believe it for years and years and now I'm trying to undo the beliefs so it is very difficult. Especially when I get close to people emotionally.
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
ugh, so hard to escape. reminds me of this:

24980972903462204_3g8WkSRx_c.jpg
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
We tend to have selective memory when it comes to things like this, when we have a belief about ourself we rarely look at all the facts objectively or remember the things that would go against it. Youbelieve you are repulsive, so you are looking for signs that other people feel the same. Someone else who thinks they are the opposite of repulsive would take those same situations and chop it up to the people are too uncomfortable looking at someone so attractive. All I mean is there is a million different reasons why people act the way they do, you are assigning these people reasons without having any real idea other than the beliefs you have about yourself. I'm sure you're not repulsive at all.
 
tizzy

tizzy

Active member
I posted because i crave for somebody to "get me."
When I expressed how I feel about that situation, to RL people, I got those same answers. I'm told that I shouldn't take things personally. Or that I'm just being paranoid or imagining it.
I wish I could express myself better...I don't know how to say that I KNOW i'm not imagining things or being paranoid.

I hoped people on this forum would understand how I feel....validate my feelings. Maybe show some concern.

Do you know anyone who has so much personality that they light up a room when they enter? I'm the opposite on that spectrum. Yes, it's because of how I've been treated in the past....all my life in fact. As a result, I'm quite aware of how others see me.
Dottie, your picture is true in many ways but sometimes walls consist of repetitive rejection. I'm being truthful when I say that I used to totally put myself out there. ME...the real me wanting to be part of a group, have friends who acknowledge me, be socially normal. you know, the whole positive thinking attitude.
I don't know....
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Tizzy, I understand exactly how you feel. You want to connect with people, to be self-actualized but a history of rejection has beaten you down and made you feel ugly.
sigh...........It sucks!
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
Well, Im sorry I wont give you the response you want and help you. I feel like I'm showing concern by telling you that I do the same thing and have had the same mentality of being helpless and it got me no where. I apologize if it comes off as too blunt and not caring but validating your feelings hurts you more than anything because it makes you feel more and more and more hopeless.

You are the opposite of the spectrum of people that light up the room because you believe that you are. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I cant say whether or not you are ugly or good looking but I can say that I have met some people that would be considered ugly that walk into a room and light it up because they have the right attitude. Anyone that believes in their heart and in their head that they are repulsive will be received that way because that is the image they project through their body language and their reactions to other people.

The wall you speak of that consists of repetitive rejection, I have it too but I do everything I can to work on blowing that wall up. Sitting back and arguing with someone as to how I am repulsive is making the wall bigger and stronger and it keeps me in self-loathing, desperation and despair.

Im not saying you need to have a positive attitude all the time. I am saying that maybe you should be open to what others are telling you and be open to other perceptions and ways of viewing things. Right now if someone offers a viewpoint that doesnt support the fact that you are repulsive you are going to argue with them until they agree with you. I don't agree with you. I agree that your thinking is repulsive and needs some work.

I have no doubt that if you work to change the way you view yourself and the world, you can flourish. You can be an amazing person if you get yourself out of the way and allow yourself to see it. If you cant see it in yourself then how is the rest of the world going to? Do you really want to change or do you prefer being the guy that says horrible **** about himself and wont do or accept anything that might help change that.

Validation of negative feelings is over rated and it keeps us in the same hole, I am trying to pull you out of that miserable place by showing you another perspective. If you dont want to accept it than so be it.

I identify with your feelings, I've felt them and they are miserable. I just choose not to focus on that part because it keeps you in the same steaming pile of doo doo that cripples you socially and emotionally.
 
Koime

Koime

Active member
What I hear a lot is to stop caring about what other people think. This is a hard thing for me to do but I had a girl tell me once that when she did it, it helped her a lot. I don't light up the room when I walk into it, but I have tried to stop caring what happens when I did walk in, you know? I don't always exercise that thinking though. I don't know but I've seen some people way worse off than me doing okay in social situations and making friends, so I'm convinced that anything getting in the way of that if it's your goal, or if it were my goal, which it really isn't right now, is your own mind. I believe that because I believe it does the same for me too. While it is hard and I tell myself all these bad things other people are thinking, I can see that it just can't be the case when I look at others. The thing I want to work on is things like eye contact, volume control, not blushing. Those things and others are what really beat down my self confidence and make me feel "repulsive" when really everyone is just confused about why I feel the way I do. It feels like these same people confirm my paranoia sometimes because of their actions, but I think I realize it's myself who is holding me back.
 
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