I'm 23 and living with my parents. I am unable to hold a job, and will soon be forced to move out. Almost everyday I hear the same condemning speaches from my parents, telling me I need to come out of my room and talk with them like a normal family would, and that I need to move on with my life. I agree with them, but it is extremely hard to just move around and do things to enjoy life. I have reduced myself to staring at a computer screen all day, watching T.V., eating and taking walks. It seems I have to force myself to socialize with them or take care of business out in the world, such as getting groceries and going and looking for an apartment. When i'm out, my behavior is repulsive. At a stoplight I stare straight ahead avoiding any eye contact and sometimes lose concentration when having OCD thoughts of ramming a vehicle or hitting a pedestrian with my car. My mind is constantly flooded with an assault of thoughts making me feel weak at the knees. I do not have control. The helplessness over my own life is the worst feeling imagineable. I am in hell, and I am here for denying God. I'm a sicko with terrible thoughts. I hate myself.
I'm in hell.
- Thread starter frogger
- Start date
I'm so frustrated with not being able to accurately convey what goes on inside my head to others. Attempts at help on message boards, and talking with people close to me have been a complete failure. I have a therapist appointment at the end of the month, but i'm losing faith in even my therapist. Surely some "normal" person would have heard my cries by now, and pointed out the flaws in my thinking. I feel like I should just lock myself in a mental institution and throw away the key for good. I have NEVER adressed my fears, and found a remedy. I lay in bed sometimes in a fetal position just shaking. I feel like everyone else is pointing and laughing, or crushing me with their judgement. I am a pathetic piece of ****.
I don't usually have thoughts of harming people when I'm out but I know what you mean about your head being flooded with thoughts that you can't control. It's a horrible feeling because it makes you feel like you aren't in charge of your own actions, like your some sort of robot or something. I experience this a lot when I'm out and usually it's worse when if I'm stressed out or more anxious or than usual.
I get this way sometimes too! It's a very scary feeling when you feel like you're losing your mind. I think it's a form of depersonalisation when you can't control what you're thinking and it affects a person on many levels. I also have extreme paraonoia that people are laughing at me and that they think I'm no good. Most of the time I can push these thoughts out of my head sufficiently that I can tell it's just my internal voice and I can function throughout the day albeit limitedly. Other times these thoughts really consume me and I lie in bed feeling empty.
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Hellhound
Super Moderator
No God would cause you such pain... and no God will cure your problems, so don't worry about your beliefs and try not to listen to what ignorant people might tell you. What you need to get better is treatment. Are you doing any treatment now? seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist? If not, you really should consider it... There is solution. It takes time, but there is a way to get better.
Oh, stop that nonsense. You're not a terrible person at all, and you're most definitely not a 'sicko'. ;3
I think it's good that you at least take walks. I think you should talk to your parents about this, show them that you want to change too. I had the same problem a few weeks ago. They're just worried about you, so giving them at least something might get them off your back a little.
If you're not seeing a therapist yet, I'd say discuss it with your parents. And from there you can slow edge to getting a job (with your therapist). It's though, but if you do it in small steps it becomes a whole lot easier.
I think it's good that you at least take walks. I think you should talk to your parents about this, show them that you want to change too. I had the same problem a few weeks ago. They're just worried about you, so giving them at least something might get them off your back a little.
If you're not seeing a therapist yet, I'd say discuss it with your parents. And from there you can slow edge to getting a job (with your therapist). It's though, but if you do it in small steps it becomes a whole lot easier.
chris11
Well-known member
It would be nice if we could all blame a supernatural power for our suffering. But we can't. Well we're not entirely responsible for our lifestyle and dispositions, we are, more or less, in controll of our behavior. Regardless of the question of freewill, that some people use to argue that they can't do anything to remedy their situation, it's obvious that people can change their behavior, often for the better. The millions of people who've done this is as much evidence for this as you need.
When it comes down to it, you are the only person you really have to blame for an unsatisfying lifestyle. You can change the circumstances of your life, therefore, if you are living an unsatisfactory lifestyle it is because you haven't attempted alter it. When it sinks in how responsible you really are over your person, it's terrifying.
Also, if your beliefs are causing you such agony, as you mentioned in the last sentence of your post, then you might want to consider reconsidering them--analyzing each and every vital component of them for whatever you believe may be incorect. If you think that there is something wrong with anysystem whatsoever, and you pursue that flaw and come to discard that system, there is no sin whatsoever.
If god existed, and he was responsible for your suffering, then he would have to be horrible. Is god great because he is god, or because he is powerful? If there is a hell, then, for god's moral character, it better be empty. If not, then he is horribly capricious.
Either god does not exist, or he is capricious.
When it comes down to it, you are the only person you really have to blame for an unsatisfying lifestyle. You can change the circumstances of your life, therefore, if you are living an unsatisfactory lifestyle it is because you haven't attempted alter it. When it sinks in how responsible you really are over your person, it's terrifying.
Also, if your beliefs are causing you such agony, as you mentioned in the last sentence of your post, then you might want to consider reconsidering them--analyzing each and every vital component of them for whatever you believe may be incorect. If you think that there is something wrong with anysystem whatsoever, and you pursue that flaw and come to discard that system, there is no sin whatsoever.
If god existed, and he was responsible for your suffering, then he would have to be horrible. Is god great because he is god, or because he is powerful? If there is a hell, then, for god's moral character, it better be empty. If not, then he is horribly capricious.
Either god does not exist, or he is capricious.
frogger,
From what you're describing, it sounds like you've spiraled down into a deep bout of depression. It's not something you can will yourself out of, nor be lectured out of by your parents. This is a physiological thing and can only be helped by the proper treatment.
Are you or have you taken any medication?
From what you're describing, it sounds like you've spiraled down into a deep bout of depression. It's not something you can will yourself out of, nor be lectured out of by your parents. This is a physiological thing and can only be helped by the proper treatment.
Are you or have you taken any medication?