I'm Feeling Extremely Departed

206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I know a lot of people come here to vent which I do at times, but I truly truly want help. my problem is that I was fine growing up, not picked on had "popular" friends. I guess girls think I'm pretty attractive too. But my friends would always ask "why you so quiet" and since high school and middle school, my firends and me have not really hung out at all, I don't even communicate with them becuase I think theres some animosity there. But one of my good friends came back in town who I was really cool with and we could talk, but now I hung out with him after awhile sicne I heard he was in town and I hardly said a word. It was all cool for about 10 minutes then.......blank. I got nothing to say, he said I'll see ya later man at the end of my nerve wrecking 6 hours sitting in his house watching tv.

I jsut feel like I'm losing a touch on society or something, I tried craigslist to just hangout with a girl and possibly more but no dice, I either chicken out or I find it's a robot and I still feel weird about meeting ppl online. Feel like a loser but I don't even care no more. I feel so apart from anybody and nobody knows what I'm going through that I finally feel I could care less to a sense. But I think I've given up on trying in life in general. Not suicidal, just don't care and waste away and I hate it. I want friends but I turn into an anxious mess in social situations or parties where I feel really uncomfortable just speaking becuase either I'm not acknoledged or they don't hear me and it jsut shattered me inside, I guess. I mean I can hardly talk on message boards no more or even go in a chatroom cuz I dunno what to say?

anyways I know yall will say go see a psychiatrist or something but I been there, I was jsut wasting money to spill my guts and nothing would happen, spent over a year doing that every month or couple weeks. Anybody jsut want to talk or message, I could really use somebody to talk to even it's online. And I'm not trying to spill my sorrow onto ya'll. I'm just lonely and I feel ashamed cuz I feel I had my chances at happiness and I screwed it up. I keep tellin myself I'm only 20 but damn I been in this gloom for 5 years. Thanks for bearing with me
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
Hey, feel free to vent here all you want! Most will relate. :)

You didn't miss your chance, you are only 20 and have plenty of room for happiness! I hope you find it soon. And remember that humans are not designed to be happy 24-7. We will never be in a constant state of euphoria. Happiness comes in very short busts, know what I mean?

I totally understand how you go blank in social situations. I freeze up, too. It's almost like selective mutism although I'm not sure what is so "selective" about it since it doesn't seem voluntary.

I wish I had advice to give. I need it the same.
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I think we may all need it, I think I don't vent much becuase half the time I even begin opening up to people about what I'm going thru they give me some bs answer like, "the world ain't fair" or "get used to it" which leads me to believe I'm screwed, if I can't get over what everyone else calls normal then what? Deep inside I know I can be where I need to be but I don't even know where to start, ya know? it seems like everytime I think I'm getting better I take 1 step forward and then I take 2 steps back. I feel like my mind i just on a prize that may never come, so do I stay alive or grab a gun? cuz I mean, I don't think anybody could tolerate being alone forever and the ones that do turn very weird.....I don't want to be that person
 
dottie

dottie

Well-known member
Hang in there. Your sister loves you, although she may be having problems of her own. Also, your niece and the rest of your family.
 
Mikefly

Mikefly

Well-known member
206Raider said:
I know a lot of people come here to vent which I do at times, but I truly truly want help. my problem is that I was fine growing up, not picked on had "popular" friends. I guess girls think I'm pretty attractive too. But my friends would always ask "why you so quiet" and since high school and middle school, my firends and me have not really hung out at all, I don't even communicate with them becuase I think theres some animosity there. But one of my good friends came back in town who I was really cool with and we could talk, but now I hung out with him after awhile sicne I heard he was in town and I hardly said a word. It was all cool for about 10 minutes then.......blank. I got nothing to say, he said I'll see ya later man at the end of my nerve wrecking 6 hours sitting in his house watching tv.

I jsut feel like I'm losing a touch on society or something, I tried craigslist to just hangout with a girl and possibly more but no dice, I either chicken out or I find it's a robot and I still feel weird about meeting ppl online. Feel like a loser but I don't even care no more. I feel so apart from anybody and nobody knows what I'm going through that I finally feel I could care less to a sense. But I think I've given up on trying in life in general. Not suicidal, just don't care and waste away and I hate it. I want friends but I turn into an anxious mess in social situations or parties where I feel really uncomfortable just speaking becuase either I'm not acknoledged or they don't hear me and it jsut shattered me inside, I guess. I mean I can hardly talk on message boards no more or even go in a chatroom cuz I dunno what to say?

anyways I know yall will say go see a psychiatrist or something but I been there, I was jsut wasting money to spill my guts and nothing would happen, spent over a year doing that every month or couple weeks. Anybody jsut want to talk or message, I could really use somebody to talk to even it's online. And I'm not trying to spill my sorrow onto ya'll. I'm just lonely and I feel ashamed cuz I feel I had my chances at happiness and I screwed it up. I keep tellin myself I'm only 20 but damn I been in this gloom for 5 years. Thanks for bearing with me
Click to expand...

This may sound lame but you gotta hit rock bottom before you can move forward.
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I feel I've hit rock bottom everyday, everyday it gets worse and worse...Ya'll seen that movie office space? the guy goes to the concellor becuase he hates his job and he tells him everyday is the worst day of my life and the councellor says "whoa, thats messed up" lol. That's how I feel everyday, today is the worst day of my life and tommorow will most likely be even worse. my mom says it can only be that way if you let it. which may be true, but then I ask "what do I do to get better, I know your not a psychiatrist but which direction do I go? what steps do I need to take?" I jsut feel so lost
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I was daignosed by my doctor and psychiatrist with SA/Agoraphobia and a little OCD, I was supposed to go to meetings in SA groups but I get too anxious to even go there. I wish it was depression but depression don't last 5 years straight.
 
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jamie99

jamie99

Well-known member
206Raider said:
I was daignosed by my doctor and psychiatrist with SA/Agoraphobia and a little OCD, I was supposed to go to meetings in SA groups but I get too anxious to even go there. I wish it was depression but depression don't last 5 years straight.
Click to expand...


I been there i know what you mean. I went to a SA group once (i went alone) I was surprised to see everyone there had a parent or support worker with them. I could tell everyone was really nervous but i still felt uncomfortable, when the group coordinator said help yourself to coffee that was my cue to get the hell out of there. I wish i had stayed though.
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
yeah, I mean I guess you could say that SA can make my life really depressing. I just don't get why I have this anxiety take control of me and make it so hard to go out and do things and have a social life when I see everyone else my age partying it up and having fun. the last real party I went to about 2 years ago I drank with everyone else so I could be more loose and more talkative, but then I drank too much and I started crying about my life infront of a bunch of people I didn't know and I blacked out....next morning I woke up and people were laughin, like "do you remember last night"....I did remember crying but I lied.....now I wouldn't even drink at social gatherings. people tell me to get out and do things like that, you will feel better.....yeah right I go to a party and I immediatly think about leaving and anxiety makes me feel trapped inside my body...I prolly stay for an hour drowning in anxiety then make some lame excuse about why I have to go.
 
206Raider

206Raider

Well-known member
I don't know what that is, but thats beside the point. I been diagnosed by doctor and councellor with SA, councellor said I probably have a little agoraphobia too. I know some people here may just be confused and depressed and it would be great if I was....I wish I could wake up tommorow and be like wow my depression is over but I have to fight this shit everyday, feeling anxious just to go to the store. Most days just staying in my room alone, sometimes I think I'm going crazy, constantly being alone wishing I didn't get intense anxiety everytime I do something. but I can't and I don't know to fight it, not knowing how to talk to people is just a small part of my overall problem. my whole life from around 6 yrs old on has been a mess and I only see dark clouds infront of me, never getting rid of old problems jsut adding more and more new ones.
 
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