I'm FCKED for eternity

[theslowesthand]

Let me break it down for ya all...

-> My life = "life of pain" (which i'm constantly trying to take mind mind off via computer, games, alcohol,..)
-> fcked looks
-> fcked personality
-> fcked lifestyle (& cant chnge it, due OCD/social-anxiety/etc/etc)
-> Ive never "lived" life
-> Ive never had a gfriend, & totally lost all hope (am 36)
-> feels like tyomen all over "shoving it in my face" (or "rubing it in") -> 'ha ha .. see what you cant have! ha ha ha!' .. unfortnately for me, im attracted to sexy/attrctve women, cant help it, & since never had gfreind, makes it all the more frustrting
-> All my feeble attempts at tryin to be attractive, likeable, loveasble = get thrown in my fckin ugly face
-> i have SO SO SO MANY othr problems/issues also (wont bother to list rest here)

Basiclly why im writing this, is to once again, try to gain a tiny glimmmer of hope - hope that im not doomed to this dull/lonely/pain-filled pathetic ****ed-up existence

I = goal-orieinted
i ralise theres no solution to ~95% of my problms - stuck with for life

SO, im thinkin am i right that theres only ONE thing i can do (short of doing meself in) - that is, try to DEAL WITH THE PAIN, which i think am not doing very well at all. Am not getting regluar adequate emotional outelts (eg rage)

Everey month/so i have a music/booze session (by self)
But prob need sth maybe every day/so, which helps to "get rid of" some of the DEEP DEEP DEEP emotoinal pain that seems to build up, day-in-day-out

i know that _people_ do defintelly "briing up" em shit, so thtats one source of my em pan

i dunno .. putting hart on line here .. but WTF its not like its real-life here on web (doesnot feel "real" poeple reading this, although are). maybe its that since not face-face, the "spitual"/emtional does not effect me like does in real life (i = SUPER-sensitive to that sort of stiff)

anyways, could sby help me out here please?? .. hgelp me sort through this muddle of stuff?? help me get to the main issues here .. help me to ............ ..........................................................????????????

 

[lilcharlie]

Hey sometimes we can fix things by ourselves, sometimes we can't- otherwise, we wouldn't be in the situation we are! Anyhow, you don't need to live your life in this mess, but since it is difficult for you to fix it yourself since it appears it's been going on a while, and you're still feeling miserable, leave your SA aside and get some help immediately, because the more you wait, the easier it is to let things go on like this. Get help from people: psychologists, church, friends, family, online help, books, cds, etc. If one psychologist doesn't work, go to the next one, and the next one; try a handful, until it works. For the rage, exercise like a mofo to get out all that pent up energy. There is hope, but you've got to start somewhere, do something about it (not that you haven't, try something different), and KEEP on fixing it CONSISTENTLY. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[theslowesthand]

Been to sevarl therapists - none made blind bit of diffference to me y situation - alll that happen = stirs up em pain - NOUT ELSE

Dont beleieve in chucrh/religion

Freiends: Only got 1 or 2, & they cant help me (as dont understnd me & not experts & havnt been throgh what i ave)

famil: parent dont talk personal stuff, 1 older brother = too differerent to me (hasnt my probs)

online help: nope (not mch bettter than therapists)

books: brought/read NUMEROUS s-help boks

CANT AFFORD cds/etc (self-help "packges"; & no c.card)

exercse: hate excise


NOWHEER/NOUT ON EARTH seems to "get"/fix my VERY VERY VERY TOTALLY TOTLLY TITALLY unique situation


... basically, ive tried ALL SORTS of thngs, but nthing seems to work AT ALL
i natrally cant try EVERYTHING, due to my situation (no money, no transport, live way out in country, therapy/new_things strees me out too much, have phobia abut change,... - ie my problms stop me from adrsseing themslves)
i do WHAT I CAN ("handle") - which is not mucxh at all, due to very low enrgy-levels, very high anxiety/fear-of-cahnge, refuse to do nout except ecaxtly by-book/systm/planned,...


yes, this odd dog dont like to leran new tricks, aware of that


.. next please...

 

[Anubis]

Have you tried reading the numerous posts by NewPoster and SickJoke? They have a lot of useful tidbits of information that could potentially give you an epiphany. And that's really the starting point for any significant change in your life ... a new perspective on life that forces you to challenge your limiting beliefs.

 

[j_brown2]

If you have a shitload of problems... there's one thing you can do, see a good EFT practioner, if there's only one thing you will try before giving up, do this, it sure will help you and you can overcome all your issues with it.

I myself am doing eft on my own- don't have the cash,

check out emofree.com, what eft does is it elminates negative emotions... so with time you should be without any negativity

Don't recommend doing it on your own, it took me 6 months to start doing it right, just go to one session to an eft practioner and you will see you will feel better after one session

 

[theslowesthand]

No title

... just a few more peices to the puzzle of SGF...

thnks lilcharlie, for your valid/comprhensive advise .. you do point out some very valid startring points .. feel ive covered them for now, but thas not an absolute .. will keep in mind for refrnce

Yes, Anubis i will browse NewPoster & SickJoke to see wat they hve
"Epiphany" is a good word, & an even beter experiece .. i'm often on lookout for epifinys .. and yes, my beliefs are most probly well fcked-up

Abut the "for eternty" thing .. is a wee bit deep .. i feel this prseent life of mine is PUNISHMENT for preveious VERY bad lifes .. nthing else seems to explain the RIDICLOUS amount of emotinal pain ive suffered right from "day one" .. yeah i know evryone suffers .. but i feel the amuont of pain (negtive felings/ems) that ive had, surpasses that of evry human being that has ever existed on "planet earth" - im not kidding, deathly serous. I thnk sth's majorly screwwded-up with my soul/spirirt/etc, even before i waz born
Once again, cant afford to see past-life person .. in ideal world EVERY person on earth would have easy accesss to such therpay/knwoledge .. in past have felt (for real!) that was reincarnition of really relaly bad person such as Hitelr .. back then (sveral years) was really wnting to die badly .. but past all that now

 

[sabbath9]

Here's something you can try for little money: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). There are several ACT self-help workbooks available for less than $20. ACT is the only thing that reversed my downward spiral. ACT can show you how struggling with your emotions and thoughts is just making you worse. Give it a shot.

 

[RND_CHR]

Dude, i think part of your problem is in your title "****ed for eternity" You're saying that youll always be this way, this attitude and lifestyle that you have, and thats self defeating. You should really give therapy a chance. It takes a while to feel like its effective and you need to find the right person to be your therapist. Even if its hard for you to get into therapy, just do whatever you can to get into a program because it sounds like you really want help. Don't give up man.

 

[Lea]

I am also 36 and ****ed beyond repair (for eternity). I want to die, can´t think of anything else.

 

[Havocan]

That bloody SA has also screwed up my life badly, it takes a lot of time and effort to overcome it^^.

 

[SickJoke]

NOWHEER/NOUT ON EARTH seems to "get"/fix my VERY VERY VERY TOTALLY TOTLLY TITALLY unique situation

Hate to burst your bubble, but all of those problems are quite common.

Dont beleieve in chucrh/religion

Same.

Once again, cant afford to see past-life person .. in ideal world EVERY person on earth would have easy accesss to such therpay/knwoledge .. in past have felt (for real!) that was reincarnition of really relaly bad person such as Hitelr .. back then (sveral years) was really wnting to die badly .. but past all that now

Complete bullshit. You don't believe in religion but you'll buy into this superstitious nonsense?

exercse: hate excise

You hate exercise? Here's a solution: DO IT ANYWAY! Yeah, I'm being a prick to you. Sometimes we need to be hard on ourselves to get out of a rut. I've done the escapism route: alcohol, computer games, etc. Until you're willing to start changing, you won't change.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

I agree with J Brown. You need to work with someone skilled in EFT. It sounds like you have deep rooted emotional issues that aren't going to disappear with traditional therapy or positive thinking. EFT rocks and I highly recommend it.

And SickJoke has a point... very few people love to do the things that are good for us (exercise, healthy diet, meditate, etc.) but successful people get them done anyway. If you want to have an enjoyable life you have to push yourself to do what needs to be done instead of sitting around and whining.

If you really want to change, get out of your house right now and go jog three miles. Then come back here and ask for more help. There are plenty of people on this board who can steer you in the right direction but you have to want your life to change before anything they say will resonate with you.

 

[j_brown2]

^^ one question iam curious about... If you have SA what do you tap on if you tap on past memories, like when you were in a social situation and something bad happened? Iam asking coz I tapped on everything from shame pain humiliation and nothing worked, thinking of the memory still caused anxiety but once I tapped on how lonely I felt in the social situation, the anxiety went and I started laughing whenever I thought about the memory I saw that memory in a totally different way, so Iam just curious what works for you?

I strongly believe we Social phobics are like babies who are scared of being alone,

 

[Jay Cataldo]

I strongly believe we Social phobics are like babies who are scared of being alone,

That's an interesting point. Yea, you never really know what to tap on because the drivers are always different depending on the person and their unique experiences. I would do the same thing you did... tap on everything under the sun until I hit on something that shifted. You can also tap on "I have no clue what is causing this" which usually helps your mind shift a bit and start moving you in the right direction. EFT is more difficult to use on yourself than on someone else since you are responsible for directing your own session and this takes practice.

From what I remember, it wasn't so much loneliness for me, but I had a big fear of looking stupid and being judged. Still have it to some degree, but it is very manageable now.

I would also recommend that you check out the book "Focusing" by Eugene Gendlin. It helps train you in the art of decoding what your brain is trying to communicate. Great stuff.

 

[j_brown2]

It was a bitch finding out what causes my social anxiety... took me 6 months of frustrating tapping and getting no where. Well like I said I found out my core issue being alone, no matter what memory what people what situation... the reason for anxiety is always coz I fear being alone,

It was nearly impossible to find this out, your mind is hiding from you the reason why your anxious

Imagine a scenario... I have to go to uni, I get anxious Like **** coz of all this people there- what's the reason?? Anxiety is here to protect you right?? That's the purpose of anxiety... So why does anxiety want me to be scared of goin to uni and be scared of people

... It tries to protect me from being alone, to protect me from finding out no one will accept me, no one will like me,

Social anxiety is an excuse for being alone, show your mind you can be accepted and your anxiety will fade away

Anxiety is so weird in a way, most of the time what you most fear of happening will happen, Iam as alone as it gets, coz my mind is trying to protect from
finding out I can't be accepted, liked so it doesn't give me a chance so Iam alone

No scientist knows what social anxiety causes despite it being so simple, I found All this out through the journey with EFT

EDIT:
Take a memory, for example if it was one where you were afraid of saying something coz you feared it will sound stupid.... tapp on how scared I was I will be alone if I say something stupid

Usually though just tapping on how lonely I felt in this group of people takes the anxiety away, like a generaliAtion effect

It's that simple really, try it

 

[Jay Cataldo]

This is good stuff, man. I have a client coming in this thurs who is struggling with SA. I will try your method of EFT and report back.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[NormanBates]

I think my life went wrong when I decided to spend my childhood inside reading books.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

I think my life went wrong when I decided to spend my childhood inside reading books.

You could make this work in your favor. Think about all the interesting things you can talk to people about because you're well read. When being interesting and intelligent are no longer desirable qualities, you'll be screwed. But from the looks of things, you still have time.

 

[NormanBates]

The last social gathering I went to, I was standing around the chips and salsa.
And all of the sudden a bunch of people came and crowded around to eat some also.
I tried thinking of some conversation to strike up, and I ended up telling them why nixtamalized corn is infinitely better than regular untreated corn.
After I was done, they all just walked away. No numbers, no nothin.
*rain pours down*

hehe but thanks for the uplifting reply

 

[j_brown2]

You know to a social phobic when he is in public his fears are always of EVERYONE being against him, is it doing something weird and all people noticing or something similar. Why you think the mind of a social phobic is preocupied with unreal thoughts like this, it's so simple coz if everyone is against him how does that make him feel?? ALONE, that's what he is scared of

Social phobia is really simple to understand... people who are outgoing they don't fear they will end up alone, so they talk, joke with everyone, no fears of approaching people

Social phobics don't socialize, scared of approaching people coz they are scared of finding out they won't be accepted, liked, so they will be alone

Listen to a social phobic about his fears of socializing and you will see everything leads to finding an excuse for not being accepted, which leads to being alone

A social phobic is rather alone for years then dare to socialize and find out he can't be accepted so he will end up alone- that's death threatening to him, that's the irrational fear behind social anxiety

So now they have an excuse if you will... if you try healing a social phobic with EFt his subcounscious won't give up of this social anxiety, he has no excuse for being alone anymore, and the world is not safe to him being alone