im depressed because of this.

Falkor

Falkor

1
Hey,

Since my 16th year i started avoiding stuff. And it became so bad that I dont go to school anymore. Now i'm almost 18 years old, and I avoid everything. When I compare myself to other's I feel such like crap. I am so sad of this way. And I dont see my friends anymore, and that makes me afraid that I will end up lonely.
I really wish I could do anything to change. Today my dad told me my ''will'' is gone, he went very mad at me. I cried, and said its the will what makes me cry, cuz i want it so bad. But he didnt believe me.
He told me i'm too soft, i'm not hard enough, I have to stop crying and just do it, but I cant. I am almost believing that I have a lack of motivation, I feel worthless. I want to reach something in my life. But my fukken life is such a crap. Everyday I'm depressed, I'm analizing everything, like that my personality is way too soft, I would be never a strong person, and sometimes I think I wanna die, cuz I feel tensed everyday.
Well.. i just wanted to share it.. I am afraid of posting this.. ::(:
 
SociallyAwkwardAndShy

SociallyAwkwardAndShy

Well-known member
Hi Saski, I can relate to you 100% I feel that way sometimes. I'm not sure what advice I can offer except Please don't give up. I tell myself that everyday, or at least try to. I feel like i would be proving everyone right. Try to go out an find some things you like to do. which i know is easier said than done. You are not to "soft" thats the thing with people who don't have SA. they think we chose to be like that. Maybe you should seek anonymous counseling.I will leave you with this Quote that i live by.....

Think of all the beauty thats still left in and around you and be happy! ~ Anne Frank
 
C

chained

1
ur dad has no right to say that to u.. he shoud be more understanding.. I understand what ur going through.. and I guess I'm a strong perosn, but I'm on meds. I guess u aren;t.. maybe visit a psych? :D
 
iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
I have felt the same way most of my life, at least since I was around 10 years old... I am now 41, and I still hate my life and I also want change. I just feel powerless to do anything about my issues.
 
J

jbeenthere

Well-known member
My SA/depression hit me when i was 15 and i felt exactly 100% the way you describe. I would tell your dad if I could "If Saskia had cancer would you say it was because she is weak or has no will? You are making an enormous mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life if you don't make the effort to understand - Saskia's life may depend on it."

You should get the book "What will they think of me?" ASAP. it is written by a girl in your situation.

one question - did you see yourself as confident and normal before 16? do you feel that you have lost something?
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
jbeenthere said:
My SA/depression hit me when i was 15 and i felt exactly 100% the way you describe. I would tell your dad if I could "If Saskia had cancer would you say it was because she is weak or has no will? You are making an enormous mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life if you don't make the effort to understand - Saskia's life may depend on it."

You should get the book "What will they think of me?" ASAP. it is written by a girl in your situation.

one question - did you see yourself as confident and normal before 16? do you feel that you have lost something?
Click to expand...

Thank you, I will buy that book, i love reading ^_^

and before i was 16, I didnt even thought about confidence and stuff, I never wanted to change anything about myself,
because I didnt stood still on the thoughts.
So I just realize more now. I guess.
 
P

phobiadictates

Well-known member
i was very fragile too about what people says. now it has evoluted to paranoia. i became a person who is looking for an evil mean under every small words and behaviours. and in the end it results with hatred. and its bad :(
 
Dronee

Dronee

1
Saskia said:
Hey,

Since my 16th year i started avoiding stuff. And it became so bad that I dont go to school anymore. Now i'm almost 18 years old, and I avoid everything. When I compare myself to other's I feel such like crap. I am so sad of this way. And I dont see my friends anymore, and that makes me afraid that I will end up lonely.
I really wish I could do anything to change. Today my dad told me my ''will'' is gone, he went very mad at me. I cried, and said its the will what makes me cry, cuz i want it so bad. But he didnt believe me.
He told me i'm too soft, i'm not hard enough, I have to stop crying and just do it, but I cant. I am almost believing that I have a lack of motivation, I feel worthless. I want to reach something in my life. But my fukken life is such a crap. Everyday I'm depressed, I'm analizing everything, like that my personality is way too soft, I would be never a strong person, and sometimes I think I wanna die, cuz I feel tensed everyday.
Well.. i just wanted to share it.. I am afraid of posting this.. ::(:
Click to expand...

I empathize with you on this. Parents can be very strange. They spend all that time with you and can have absolutely no idea who you are inside. They're just desperate if they see their children not doing well. Some parents can deal well with it, some have difficulty.

Just remember that there's others like you too, struggling along. In the end, just try. That's the only thing given to any of us really... to try. Hope you feel better in time.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Your dad obviously doesn't understand how you feel... Ignorance leads to people to say those kind of things. He should be more understanding with you instead of getting angry. Even if it wasn't depression and you were just feeling down, he has no rights to tell you those things. Any caring person would try to help. No one feels bad because of weakness or lack of will, that's just really unsensitive of him to say. I am going to assume he doesn't believe that mental illness is a real thing...
 
blabla

blabla

Member
Don't get mad at your dad, he's trying to help you the way he knows how to. If your depression is not a chronic illness, but was caused by a certain event(s), he is right that you're soft. I'm not trying to insult you or anything, I've been through two years of utter depression myself after a long period of wrong choices and stupid mistakes, the only thing that gave me a moment's comfort was dreaming of suicide. I remember thinking countless times "I hit rock bottom, there's no way out now."

Ultimately it was the "tough love" comments from my family and friends that made me realize hating and pitying myself was the most pathetic thing I could do. It was only then that I got really bored with feeling bad, because it just made things worse. It's a complete vicious cycle, you feel bad, you act weird, and then you feel worse.

So I just accepted myself and my mistakes which I promised I'd never make again --and I kept my promise. I'm getting better every single day. I actually want to go out now. I found new friends, I meet new people and I have loads of fun everytime (now I can't believe I was actually scared of meeting new ppl for a while), I have new interests (fashion and shoes really helped through the process :)

I feel okay now. You will too, everyone needs to take a break from feeling bad, and that time will come for you as well. You just need to be strong. There's nothing better. Don't overanalyse things, believe me nobody does that about you, and you will understand that at some point. You seem like a gorgeous girl. Just enjoy your youth, and the beautiful country you live in. Try to get better in your comfort zone. You don't need to go out partying now, but just try to do something to feel better about yourself. Little by little, you will get better if you decide that's what you want to do.
 
F

Fighter86

Well-known member
Saskia said:
Hey,

Since my 16th year i started avoiding stuff. And it became so bad that I dont go to school anymore. Now i'm almost 18 years old, and I avoid everything. When I compare myself to other's I feel such like crap. I am so sad of this way. And I dont see my friends anymore, and that makes me afraid that I will end up lonely.
I really wish I could do anything to change. Today my dad told me my ''will'' is gone, he went very mad at me. I cried, and said its the will what makes me cry, cuz i want it so bad. But he didnt believe me.
He told me i'm too soft, i'm not hard enough, I have to stop crying and just do it, but I cant. I am almost believing that I have a lack of motivation, I feel worthless. I want to reach something in my life. But my fukken life is such a crap. Everyday I'm depressed, I'm analizing everything, like that my personality is way too soft, I would be never a strong person, and sometimes I think I wanna die, cuz I feel tensed everyday.
Well.. i just wanted to share it.. I am afraid of posting this.. ::(:
Click to expand...

What do you do then? Do you stay at home mostly? I was in the same exact situation as you around the time I turned 19, but I already stopped schooling at 18, it was just that at 19, I mostly didn't do anything at all. I don't know what to say to you, but I hope things look up for you. If I were to truly count the lost years, I lost 5 years of my life, doing nothing much, no schooling, no work, no structure. I spent the last year rebuilding my life after 5 years, and now, I'm moving into a new job, its not smooth going, its only second day and i got shouted at by some unreasonable woman who shouts at lots of the staff...in anyway, would see how it goes. I hope your life takes a turn for the better.
 
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