I'm a mess, and almost committed suicide

[A friend]

During my time away from the forum, I thought I was doing better. But after the recent seizure I had, whatever issues that were there were amplified. And I got a new problem that put suicide considerations into my head (I actually was planning on doing it last night).

The reason, I was having strange pains in my neck a few weeks ago, and I believed it to be a form of thyroid cancer. Then, that sensation spread to the right part of my tongue, the right side of my face, and part of brain. Therefore, I had a severe panic attack like nothing I ever experienced before in my life.

After that, I got a blood sample taken at the doctors office, and they're currently doing lab work to see if my assumptions are true, but still...

Last night, thinking I was going to die of cancer, I was thinking about taking ten bottles worth of sleeping pills, and just get the damn thing over with. But I stopped, and am now trying to look for help actively.

Other than that, I don't know wtf to do. I mean...if I'm going to die of cancer, shouldn't I just go through with it?

 

[A friend]

You don't know that it is cancer. Fact. You still don't know the results of your doctor's tests. So try to remain calm.

I honestly don't know how to do that in this situation. This is pretty much as fear-provoking as having a gun pointed at my head (which didn't literally ever happen, btw). Even if I don't know if it's cancer, I don't know what else it can possibly be.

I've been through times like this aswell and I know it's hugely positive that you've seeked support so early on. You'll be okay

I sure as hell hope so. But honestly, this is cancer we're talking about. And if it reaches my brain or anywhere else that it's hard to remove, I'm ****ed. Although I thank you for the support, still...you know?

 

[A friend]

Have you talked to your family about this? That usually helps me more than anything and calms me down

They usually dismiss it with unhelpful statements or threats to send me the psychiatric unit of the hospital.

 

[TLB]

There are many reasons you had your symptoms. Don't try to assume it is the worst. Honestly, just let the Pathology Services take care of the situation and try not to worry about it. I wish you the best of luck. I hope all is well, now!