If you don't like yourself, at least don't hate yourself. [pic]

[Anubis]

Just a nice piece of information I've learned from my journey through SA (and countless self-help books/tapes).

It's simple yet so powerful. If you consistently batter yourself, "hit" yourself, and second-guess yourself, how can you ever expect yourself to grow into the amazing person that you envision? You're no better than the abusive dad who constantly barrages his son to be successful yet is shell-shocked to find out that his son locks himself up in a room and refuses any attempt at bettering himself.

Take a step back and stop abusing yourself. Like I said, if you don't like yourself, that's fine. But at least, don't hate it. Maybe one day you'll grow to like it once you see what it can do without the constant doubt you place on it. That's the day when you'll finally be that amazing person you've always wanted to be.

It's something I'm constantly trying to get better at every day, and it's already improved me in so many ways.

 

[TheWall]

If I could stop hating myself I would.

 

[C-47]

Its really hard to like urself with SAD, my confidence and self esteem are terrible. I can hardly talk when I'm around women. Although in a way counselling, support groups and anti-depressants have all helped me to accept me for who I am. I like my personality and don't care about my looks although up until recently I hated them so much and was having suicidal thought for so long, I still have occasional thoughts but they are drifting away thank god. I know alot of the people are amazing and I think they are great even if they don't see it. Pink Glitter you are BEAUTIFUL btw. I think accepting urself is the first step. Seek support and talk to ppl u can trust, by sharing ur problems, u half them. I just feel so shit the way my SAD and depression keep creeping up on me. But these don't define who we are. We are all equal and deserve the same chances as other ppl. We shouldn't be ashamed of ourselves cos I know most of you are the nicest ppl in the world. Everytime I get suicide ideations I just think of what I am really like and about the happiness i will bring to my future soulmate and family etc. and that takes the pain away.

 

[Anubis]

I hate my self so much but i cant see myself changing it

Exactly, and it's an ironic feeling. You hate yourself - a.k.a. your spirit - yet you want that same spirit to do wonderful things to your life - namely to be confident and powerful. It's a shame because the human spirit is a powerful thing. Historically, it's helped forge nations, assemble armies, and discover cures. You could say it has an innate ability to discover and conquer the unknown. Without it, humanity would be rudderless. But at the same time, it's also the most sensitive thing in the world. That's why confident people safeguard it. And not really from others. But from their negative inner voice.

And at some point, if you ever plan on following the footsteps of these successful people, you're going to have to respect yourself enough to let go of the whip. And it's never too late to stop abusing yourself. Mine has been waiting for 23 long years for me to stop.

 

[redpine17]

I've basically hated myself since i was a kid, i've never liked who i am, the way i look the way i behave etc... so yeah it would be nice not to hate myself, but that just isn't going to happen!

even if u do nt like urself u cant possibly be that bad

 

[Anubis]

Sure is. The whole world can say you're not ugly, but if you think you're ugly ... that's pretty much all that matters.

It really emphasizes the fact that negativity has very little direct power over everyone. It's all about how the inner voice takes that negativity and uses it to beat the shit out of "self".

 

[freestylemonster]

it's so true..your inner voice is like the most powerful influence on you. If you tell yourself "I can't talk to people, I hate myself!!" every day for like 10 years it's gonna be really hard to start telling yourself "Maybe I can talk to people if I try hard..I love myself regardless!"

That's what I've been trying to change using CBT and it's actually really helped. I always catch myself when I'm saying negative things about myself and tell myself that it's not true and my ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) are just trying to bring me down because they hate me!

 

[aussieshane8]

i dont know about others as even though ive had this all my life ive just found out the name of sa.but far as im concerned because i hate myself it makes me think the whole world hates me too.witch inturn makes me hate myself more because i think people hate me.when really all that i should be hating is dam social phobia

 

[Argamemnon]

You're so right C-47 accepting yourself is a major part of liking yourself, i've tried before to change the way i think, but no joy! and thankyou for what you said, you're so nice!

As you see, I'm not the only one who said you were beautiful and cute. But nothing could probably change your mind, which just shows how terrible this disease is. A person who doesn't deal with this crap has absolutely no idea how this destroys our lives.

I'm not ugly myself according to other people, they have even called me good looking, and yet I'm a f*cking 32 year old virgin!! A socially inept and unemployed loser. I just wish I was dead. I can't take it anymore. I have to "change" (how?) and become better, or I must die.

 

[Argamemnon]

I've been applying for jobs in the past few months and they have all rejected me. The whole world rejects me, they hate me. Including my parents, "friends" and relatives. But then, my self-hatred is much bigger than their combined hatred.

 

[j_brown2]

yea, its that inner voice that cripples us, i took on the hate & abuse i got from other people like my old friends and brothers and it became my inner voice.

iam changing that now. iam trying to get an inner locus, and not have an outer locus, as i used to have for years, and not be dependent on the things around me.

from now on what i think about myself matters and nothing else,or what i feel like doing, not what someone else tells me to do, i dont need approval from anyone, if i feel like opening the door for a lady i will do it, but just because i feel like it not because someone expects me to do it and the list goes on. i like this attitude, i feel like iam in control of my life a bit more

 

[freestylemonster]

Thankyou Argamemnon, but you're right, it doesn't matter how many times people say that to me, in my head i just think they're saying it to be nice!

I just thought I'd say you really inspired me to change and move on from that one girl.

You've been a huge help for me staying positive while I dwelt on the negative parts of my life thanks

 

[danstelter]

Talking about your problems with others is a GREAT way of conquering them! Isolation makes humans miserable!

One post touched on being rejected by many jobs for months on end...

One thing it is important for us social phobics to remember is that most things don't end up working out, and that confident people actually FAIL MORE than the unconfident types.

Why? Because confident people are willing to take more risks, and as a result, fail more as well. For myself, I have talked to many, many, women over the years (hundreds), and yet this only netted me a handful of dates and two serious girlfriends (I'm planning on marrying the one I am with now).

I would say that maybe 10 out of 100 attempts at dating resulted in at least one date. I think that it is this way with everything...most things don't work out, not even for those who are the most talented.

So, while us social phobics may see ourselves as "failures," we should remember that it is not really success or failure that counts, but the fact that one keeps on trying.

So, don't feel bad...I hope this puts things in perspective for those of us who are struggling!

 

[Psychedelicious]

Blahblahblah

I hate myself oh oh so much. Hate everything, especially the way I looked. I really don't want to complain about it though, because it's really annoying. I don't think it's something other people want to hear, so I just don't tell anyone.

 

[Argamemnon]

I hate myself oh oh so much. Hate everything, especially the way I looked. I really don't want to complain about it though, because it's really annoying. I don't think it's something other people want to hear, so I just don't tell anyone.

I wouldn't find it annoying if you complained about your looks. I often feel the same and I'm sure many other people do as well. I'd rather feel happy to be able to relate to other people and feel less of a freak.

 

[littl3misstrange]

i don't hate myself as a person. i just hate this social anxiety that's been controlling my life for so long. i genuinely like who i am on the inside...just not the outside. i think i have so much to offer people, but i've never had anyone to offer it to. ::
i wonder if i ever will...

 

[Luthien]

I know this is an old post, but I just wanted to say something and I hope someone will see it... All I wanted to say is that NO ONE is born hating themselves. Somewhere over the years, you learned it. Whether it was when you were 2 or 12 it doesn't matter. Somewhere inside everyone is a love for all the world (including yourself) you just have to find a way through the learned mire of self hate.

 

[redski]

For a long time I thought this was normal being so self destructive and critical.
I see in other people that it is not as they do not do it or not neraly as much
as I do.
This constant self judgment has lead to a very negative mind set which is just
unhealty. Sure, it has spared me from bad things in life but at what cost.

It's true what the OP says, I think the first step to getting over your dissorderd
is to change the way we think.

 

[mrb]

that pic of yours hmmmmm , i dunno why but seeing pictures like that fills me with rage , there are so many horrible parents like that to there kids , it sure is a sad world we live in ,people who are not happy with there lives take it out on there kids , iv read some stories on here that have shocked me about there childhood upbringing , battered abused ect ect i have kids and if anyone did that to them id be on a murder charge and in not joking ... errr that didnt answer your question did it lol i have a tendency to go on a tanget sometimes