Newtype
Well-known member
Hi, I haven't been here in a while. Thought I'd share some thoughts. The older I get, the more wisdom I have and the more I realize how much more destructive social anxiety can be compared to what I initially thought when I was in my teens and early 20s. Lately, while trying to find what my own identity is, I came upon something in psychology called "Identity achievement". Here's a short definition of it:
I highly recommend anyone to search more about it on Google or YouTube, it's really interesting. Anyway, the reason I'm talking about this is because that at 30 years old, I've realized that I have no idea who I am. I can spend hours and hours thinking about what I want to do with my life, only to not find any satisfying or motivating answers. Normally, someone goes through that period in their teenage years. Through friendships, clics, activities and romantic relationships, teenagers slowly discover who they are and what they want to be in life. If you're able to pinpoint what kind of person you want to be and are motivated to do the things that are necessary in order to achieve that, then you can say that your identity is achieved.
Because of social anxiety, I didn't have a normal adolescence. The friends that I had in school were not really friends, more like acquaintances. I didn't share any interests with them and never met them outside of school. I never left my house other than to go to school. I didn't have weekend or summer jobs and I never talked to girls. Hell, I barely talked to anyone. I was living in my own mind, in my own imaginary world. I didn't think about the future, about myself. I would just go home, do my homework, play video games and watch anime. And school... I never really put any effort into it. I had okay grades, but I definitely had the intelligence to get much better. I didn't have anything to motivate me, no goals in life, because I had no identity, and therefore didn't put any effort in anything. And that's how I pretty much spent my 20s also.
I'm sure there are other people here who were or are like me. What do you guys think? Has social anxiety affected you in that way as well? Maybe there are younger people here who recognize themselves in what I wrote. To you, I say: Don't make the same mistakes that I made. Work on yourself, take care of your mental health, do your research, and you'll see that you'll be a happier person in the long run. It's much better to do that in your teens and 20s than at 30 years old.
The definition of identity achievement isn't a difficult concept to grasp. It simply refers to having found one's true sense of self. It is a key element of personality development and a process that begins in childhood, most notably in the tween and teen years, and ends in adulthood.
I highly recommend anyone to search more about it on Google or YouTube, it's really interesting. Anyway, the reason I'm talking about this is because that at 30 years old, I've realized that I have no idea who I am. I can spend hours and hours thinking about what I want to do with my life, only to not find any satisfying or motivating answers. Normally, someone goes through that period in their teenage years. Through friendships, clics, activities and romantic relationships, teenagers slowly discover who they are and what they want to be in life. If you're able to pinpoint what kind of person you want to be and are motivated to do the things that are necessary in order to achieve that, then you can say that your identity is achieved.
Because of social anxiety, I didn't have a normal adolescence. The friends that I had in school were not really friends, more like acquaintances. I didn't share any interests with them and never met them outside of school. I never left my house other than to go to school. I didn't have weekend or summer jobs and I never talked to girls. Hell, I barely talked to anyone. I was living in my own mind, in my own imaginary world. I didn't think about the future, about myself. I would just go home, do my homework, play video games and watch anime. And school... I never really put any effort into it. I had okay grades, but I definitely had the intelligence to get much better. I didn't have anything to motivate me, no goals in life, because I had no identity, and therefore didn't put any effort in anything. And that's how I pretty much spent my 20s also.
I'm sure there are other people here who were or are like me. What do you guys think? Has social anxiety affected you in that way as well? Maybe there are younger people here who recognize themselves in what I wrote. To you, I say: Don't make the same mistakes that I made. Work on yourself, take care of your mental health, do your research, and you'll see that you'll be a happier person in the long run. It's much better to do that in your teens and 20s than at 30 years old.
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