Identifying a Cause
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louiselouise
Member
Different people have different cause. Some just born shy.
theslowesthand
Banned
A bit of both i would say. Kind of in this order: shy/anxious/grumpy child --> parents over-protective --> so never learnt to handle people myself --> my hiding-behind-parents then transfered over to school (hid behind anyone i could find) --> bad experiences during & after school years + reacted to worse than most would ===> SOCIAL ANXIETY/PHOBIA
berlingot
Member
i used to be mystified as to what caused my anxiety. i had the same kind of childhood as my siblings, but they turned out to be fine, well-adjusted adults. i used to think it was just me, but then my grandfather came to visit from the Philippines & when he noticed i was having a hard time with social anxiety, he told me that suffered the same thing in his youth. so now i know i'm genetically predisposed to it.
hardy
Well-known member
Too much Ignorance is the cause from what i read and have observed so far. A person with right-views(right thoughts) won't suffer.
Ignorance as in not knowing the truth, the facts about life. There is no luck in life...some people are good with others because they have planted the right seeds of generosity, humility, patience, compassion, loving-kindness etc. And they get what they give.
I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good.
Sandra Bullock
"As a single drop of water fills a bucket so do small deeds of evil; as a single drop of water fills a bucket so do small deeds of good."
- The Buddha
"Find out for yourself what is truth, what is real. Discover that there are virtuous things and there are non-virtuous things. Once you have discovered for yourself give up the bad and embrace the good."
- The Buddha
Here is an article that shows the exact reason why we suffer: The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation
Ignorance as in not knowing the truth, the facts about life. There is no luck in life...some people are good with others because they have planted the right seeds of generosity, humility, patience, compassion, loving-kindness etc. And they get what they give.
I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good.
Sandra Bullock
"As a single drop of water fills a bucket so do small deeds of evil; as a single drop of water fills a bucket so do small deeds of good."
- The Buddha
"Find out for yourself what is truth, what is real. Discover that there are virtuous things and there are non-virtuous things. Once you have discovered for yourself give up the bad and embrace the good."
- The Buddha
Here is an article that shows the exact reason why we suffer: The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation
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mikebird
Banned
I do agree with the overprotective and cottonwoolling parents.
Key event was when I was in a birthday party with 4-year old kids in a fun atmosphere, where I reacted with shyness and terror, in tears. Mum shoulda made me stay there with strangers and get used to it. I think it was her mistake to take me home, as a 50-year old fresh mum, who decided my youth was spent at home.
Nothing I could see or understand at my age.
I tried to find options during school summer breaks to join friends. Their parents (younger, with me thinking 'sexy mum') probably saw me as shy, and... no good
Key event was when I was in a birthday party with 4-year old kids in a fun atmosphere, where I reacted with shyness and terror, in tears. Mum shoulda made me stay there with strangers and get used to it. I think it was her mistake to take me home, as a 50-year old fresh mum, who decided my youth was spent at home.
Nothing I could see or understand at my age.
I tried to find options during school summer breaks to join friends. Their parents (younger, with me thinking 'sexy mum') probably saw me as shy, and... no good
Thelema
Well-known member
Kids don't plant seeds.
I think it's a combination of genetic predisposition and that leading to seemingly traumatic events that another person may not see as traumatic.
hardy
Well-known member
Dear Thelema,
Why are some kids born with good genes while others are not? Is it by chance? There is a saying in Buddhism, 'not even a single leaf falls without a reason'.
One can change the habit pattern by performing virtuous deeds. And Buddha didn't say just to believe him blindly. He asked us to investigate the whole (mind-matter) phenomena of life.
Don't you feel happy when you help someone? Don't you feel confident when you are with the truth and feel guilty when you lie? Don't you feel afraid/ashamed when you steel from others? That's the law's of nature....it will make you reap the fruit of your actions. You get angry at someone and it will make you bitter. If you have compassion for others, it makes you happy.
p.s: 4 causes for the arisings:
1. food
2.environment/atmosphere
3.present mental reaction
4. past mental reaction.
-- Buddha
Kids are born in a certain family with certain genes because of a specific reason. Their past life...believe it or not. No other reasoning is good to justify why one is born with lesser genes or better genes.
Why are some kids born with good genes while others are not? Is it by chance? There is a saying in Buddhism, 'not even a single leaf falls without a reason'.
One can change the habit pattern by performing virtuous deeds. And Buddha didn't say just to believe him blindly. He asked us to investigate the whole (mind-matter) phenomena of life.
Don't you feel happy when you help someone? Don't you feel confident when you are with the truth and feel guilty when you lie? Don't you feel afraid/ashamed when you steel from others? That's the law's of nature....it will make you reap the fruit of your actions. You get angry at someone and it will make you bitter. If you have compassion for others, it makes you happy.
p.s: 4 causes for the arisings:
1. food
2.environment/atmosphere
3.present mental reaction
4. past mental reaction.
-- Buddha
Kids are born in a certain family with certain genes because of a specific reason. Their past life...believe it or not. No other reasoning is good to justify why one is born with lesser genes or better genes.
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Thelema
Well-known member
Well, how am I supposed to comment on a religious belief?
Children can be born with a predisposition to being anxious. If your parents have SA, there's a good chance you'll develop some form of it. Just like tall parents having tall children.
When you're a kid, when most of these life-changing events happen, you don't have control over your life. You don't have the coping mechanisms an adult has; you can't just get over it with happy thoughts.
An adult asks badly towards you and you have no options. There's no voice in your head saying "I've been through this before, I'm a strong person and I can cope." There's pain and you cry and cry. You can then form an irrational fear about the event happening again.
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hardy
Well-known member
Usually Parents(or adults) scold their children when they are too much to handle or make some mistake. Some kids understand this and move on while others sulk and make a big fuss. Whose fault is it? Genetic predisposition or the kids way of reacting to situations ? The reactions cannot happen by LUCK/CHANCE...can they friend? Its the habits a kid forms....who knows from how many lives and in this life too....!! Do you think we were born in a family by luck..? If it was by chance....life would have been chaos everywhere.
There are certain laws which govern the nature....One man is confident while other is fearful....why? cause the confident man is truthful while the fearful man is guilty. A happy man never argues...while a person who is sad keeps making fuss over nothing.
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Thelema
Well-known member
Little babies don't understand anything when someone yells at them. The reactions are genetically determined. A child doesn't learn how to cry or feel scared. Toddlers exhibit symptoms of SA. Even animals exhibit symptoms. Do animals plant seeds?
There is actually research into this and the research supports that SA is due mainly to brain chemicals and genetics. Environmental factors matter, but if your parents are anxious, you have your work cut out for you.
Bugs
Active member
As a child, I think I have a naturally shy, quiet and sensitive temperament, but I was always considerate and thoughtful of people. But because I was quiet as a kid, whenever I was invited to social gatherings with my relatives, I was always scolded and pounded with statements like, "why are you so quiet?!" "what's wrong with you?" "Talk!" I don't like people raising their voices to me and I don't like them telling those words to me because I think it hurts and made me feel there's something seriously wrong with me, that I can't identify because I was too young. Maybe that's how it all started. I begin to shy away from people because I think they are all thinking the same thing, that something's wrong with me. My parents are not over-protective. They also insist on me talking a lot...
This is what I think the cause of this social anxiety...
I think most of my relatives and family are talkative people and it just turned out I was quiet, and so they think I'm abnormal or something...
I hope they should have been more understanding of people's differences.
This is what I think the cause of this social anxiety...
I think most of my relatives and family are talkative people and it just turned out I was quiet, and so they think I'm abnormal or something...
I hope they should have been more understanding of people's differences.
hardy
Well-known member
sorry if i hurt you, i can be judgmental as i am human. And i made a ton of mistakes in life....you will have to bear me..:bigsmile:
It's so true...most people here are very compassionate. Bad health or ignorance can make things worse. It isn't easy to be judged when people don't even know you are going through a rough time. Terribly sorry.
It's so true...most people here are very compassionate. Bad health or ignorance can make things worse. It isn't easy to be judged when people don't even know you are going through a rough time. Terribly sorry.
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Here is a list of what caused my SA and depression:
1) genetics
2) bullyings
3) guy and his friends/family who wouldn't leave me alone. He keeps thinking that I will come to truly like him one day, but honestly, I have not loved him and never will. Why can't he understand that and just move on? I cannot force myself to feel love or produce artificial feelings for him. I wish he would stop bugging me. I don't want to be friends with him, and I really want him out of my life.
1) genetics
2) bullyings
3) guy and his friends/family who wouldn't leave me alone. He keeps thinking that I will come to truly like him one day, but honestly, I have not loved him and never will. Why can't he understand that and just move on? I cannot force myself to feel love or produce artificial feelings for him. I wish he would stop bugging me. I don't want to be friends with him, and I really want him out of my life.