I think I'm going to be so lonely in college

[Stargirl]

Hi, everyone. I'm transferring to a new college this year and I'll be dorming 1.5 hours away from home for the first time (in a medical single dorm, THANKFULLY). My social anxiety is so bad around my peers though. I'm just so tense, so focused on my breathing - wondering if people are making assumptions about me being a wacko or a lesbian. Thanks to rumors spread about me in sixth grade. A classmate even directly asked me if my only friend at the time was my girlfriend. I was crushed. I absolutely support the LGBT community though. No hate here. It's just that all the stuff going on was obviously meant as an insult (even though sexuality really isn't an insult). Since then, I've just wondered what was wrong with me. My voice? How I look? What I say? How I act?

I just want to get over this. It's so intense I just want to have friends and feel comfortable being me. But even if I want to say something, I either don't know what or I'm afraid it will be taken the wrong way because my shyness may make girls think I'm into them when I'm really not. No one wants to be friends with someone who acts so nervous all the time ): I don't even know how I'm going to handle being in a suite with several other people, though we share separate rooms.

I've been so depressed about this lately. I would really like to get an emotional support dog to live with me just I can have somebody to comfort me and to keep me busy with my mind off things. But I live at home when I'm not in college, and my mom doesn't want another dog now since our last dog passed away at almost 14 years old. I feel so guilty for wanting to impose this on her, but I feel like I need an ESD or I'll just go into a dark hole and never get back out.

I just started my second antidepressant a couple weeks ago (effexor), and I really don't know if this is going to work. I tried lexapro for 8 weeks before that, and it didn't do anything to help my anxiety. I just want to feel normal, like I did before sixth grade. I was never outgoing or talkative, but I didn't mind being a little shy. Social anxiety is ruining me though.

 

[Metal_isthe_Answer]

In college myself I dont even look to be friends with anybody, I'm just there to learn. But then, I dont have to live on campus either, I could imagine that would make things quite different.
Either way, I would say go to classes and do your stuff, friendships will form naturally if there are good people around, you cant force a bond with people. I wouldnt worry too much about it.

 

[Ignopius]

Try not to overly concentrate on what others think of you. The thing is you are over thinking about what that person said about you and your friend. Also what happened between you and that friend? Are you no longer friends?

Furthermore, try to go to the library or study groups to meet new people and hopefully form new relationships. I know anxiety is tough but you have to push through knowing that it will be better for you in the end.

 

[Xion]

I completely agree with Ignopius.. I also have concentrated on what others think of me and it didn't do any good for me.. My SA s also quite tough...

 

[Akash9138]

I also have no friends at collage due to my sa and staring problem. At starting i thought i will make some but nothing good is going to happen and things geting worst now. They all hate me and treat me like i m not a human being. I m getting depressed.
Any help guys?

 

[neohorizon]

I think you can start talking with your classmates about college related stuff, like in class with the people around you or try to sit with them during the break or ask to sit with them. Maybe look for someone who is also a bit isolated like you.
During college years you'll will live with this people more than with your family, I think is worth having a hard time in the begging trying to socialize.

I fell lucky because i studied in a community college here in Brazil and there was some older guys in my class (adults) and i felt better talking with them. My biggest problem with the guys of my age was because they talk about girls, parties and plans for the future and i just felt uncomfortable talking about it.

 

[fate12321]

Same. Just transferred and I don't have a social life. Most of my close friends have vanished like I predicted and I'm back at square one... again. I've been trying hard though. I managed to get myself into this club that's related to my major, BUT i only attend the general meetings. They talk about doings stuff but I don't have the will power to attend the workshops and stuff, due to the fact that I have to talk to people.

I hate this feeling. My career is mostly about social interaction and I can't even do that...

 

[HandsomeHans]

TL;DR but if you feel like you will be lonely in college, you will be lonely in college. Hope you will figure it out though. Maybe trick your mind to think that you will enjoy it as much as you possibly can, and maybe you will gain a friend or two. At least it won't hurt to be friendly to everyone around you. The rest is up to them. Take care.

 

[DanielLewis]

Just do what you can. Knowing that you can only do your best should put you at ease. Don't try to impress people or seek their approval. People will like you the most when you don't worry about them liking you. I know this is easier said than done. SA is a mindf**k. It's not something you overcome in a day or two, or even a week. It takes a long time of consistent practice and effort to change.

While you're in college, join whatever clubs you can that interest you. You might as well try to get involved in social activities. It's a numbers game really. You put yourself out there socially as much as you can and hope that you'll meet a person you really click with. The more people you meet, the better chances that you'll meet that person.

 

[Akash9138]

Its not only sa but my major problem is i can't make eye contact only stare them in eyes. If i don't make eye contact they think i m not intrested and if i stare in eyes they think i hate them. And this is getting worst day by day

 

[Zooman]

Its not only sa but my major problem is i can't make eye contact only stare them in eyes. If i don't make eye contact they think i m not intrested and if i stare in eyes they think i hate them. And this is getting worst day by day

Are you on medication? I just recently dropped out of college because of my anxiety, but i wasn't on meds. I'm going to a psychiatrist on monday though and i know they will prescribe me, so i'm going to give college another chance once i'm medded up. Not being able to make eye contact btw is one of the symptoms of SA. So that actually is SA. Quite simply, I think you have SA just like the rest of us. Once you've had it for as long as i have you realize SA acts the same in every person who has it. Once we aren't anxious anymore we can be ourselves, but when we are anxious the thought process and symptoms are practically always the same.

 

[theone723]

Hi, I have felt the same way so I understand what you feeling. Try not to worry about what others think of you. Focus on your lesson, focus on bettering yourself, go to the library and read books. Also I advise follow motivational speakers on Facebook such as Les Brown,Brian Tracy and others. Trust me it helps alot.If you are religious read your Bible or Koran. I wish all of you the best in life and hope this helped.

 

[theone723]

Just a lil extra tip: If you able try to go to a gym and workout and go jogging. It really helps alot and don't worry they are some really nice people in the gym. I was afraid to go a gym cause I thought people would have thought I was a weirdo or freak but I was wrong and I have met some really good people. Give it a try.

 

[Akash9138]

Guys your are not understanding this problem. Its my obessive thought like'i don't have to stare' came to mind whenever i talk to people. I think its ocd

 

[Akash9138]

Please join this group we all have staring
problems there, peripheral staring, etc. https://
www.facebook.com/groups/OCDstarring/