I sound flippant, rude and sarcastic. But I'm none of these :(

[Toomuchfear]

Hi, I'm really depressed about this.::
I used to be really shy. I used to cower away and did my best to avoid having to speak to people. You'd be a very unique individual to hear my voice. There would be more chance you'd see the loch ness monster.

I took a public speaking class, practiced speaking in front of a autistic person and also to customers at workplaces. I 'found' my voice.... It felt so good that I actually did have one after all these years. But no-one likes it.

I find when I say things like, "Let's walk up here". "Take a look for yourself." People think I'm being rude or horrible and tell me off. I don't understand, some of the other things I've said are complimentary but people take it the wrong way. Authority figures are particularly annoyed by the things I say. And those are the people I don't want to offend.

My theory is, my tone of voice is screwed up, somehow linked to my anxiety. To me, I'm talking normally. I've tried speaking in an accent to mix things up a little, but I find that hard to keep up!

I hope someone has an idea for me. I just want to be friends with people and not make enemies.

 

[mmmm]

Why don't you post your voice on here so we can give you some constructive feedback.

 

[Fighter86]

Have you thought about working with a speech therapist? That might help.

 

[Josette]

Is there someone IRL you trust enough to ask about this? Someone who knows & hears you speak a lot? Even if not, you could still go to your boss or someone and say something like "I've been getting the sense that people think I'm rude or sarcastic a lot when I speak, and I'm wondering if they're hearing a tone I'm not aware I'm using. I could really use your input on this. Do you think I come across often as rude or sarcastic?" (Note -- you have to show that you're willing to hear the truth or they're just going to lie and say 'no no you're fine' because no one likes conflict.)

I also used to be incredibly shy and had a tiny barely hear it voice when I did speak. Now, I talk a lot more, and I know I come across as sarcastic...but I usually am trying to. I think it's a defense mechanism. My boss even warns people that I'm incredibly sarcastic and not to take me seriously! As kind of a joke, but still, I don't like it and she eventually stopped.

Is it possible you are being flippant and sarcastic? What I mean by 'defense mechanism' is if you present yourself as not caring (by being sarcastic/flippant/rude/etc.) then it hurts less when you're rejected. Does that make sense? Maybe that's what you're doing without realizing it?

 

[Hoppy]

I would really recommend joining Toastmasters. In the UK there will be a club close to you and they will help you.

 

[kihira]

Some thoughts. Try smiling when talking, it can change the tone of voice and add some positive body language (this assumes that you dont yet do this). I can remember being tense & anxious and my voice tone coming out wrong - do you feel tension when you're talking? Visualising how you would like your voice to sound may also help.