I need to vent and have people comfort me.

[Zooman]

I just had to deal with my shitty family being shitty again and i'm stressed out to the boiling point atm. My brother and mom both just went super racist and basically said all black people are morons and well...i wanted to kill them in that moment. Not to mention my mom is a "christian". How christlike of her. Don't even get me started on religion though... i just feel overwhelmed atm by a hate of people... i feel like all i ever get in this world is more and more reasons to hate people and to just kill myself. My family is such a bunch of pieces of shit. They are so disrespectful to me because I disagree on their idiotic ideas and they think the only people that deserve respect are popular people who are successful. I swear to god if i didn't have sa i wuld be successful, but my life feels so pointless because i don't feel like anyone will ever listen to my opinions because i'm not a extroverted millionaire. There are so many things this world needs to learn but they turn a blind eye to the people who have the wisdom to say it. I'm not trying to act like i'm some genius or something, but i feel like i have a lot of wisdom and deserve to be listened to just like anyone else. Unfortunately i'm never even given the time of day when my opinions come up. It feels so pointless to be alive when I don't feel like I can positively influence this world and i am stuck being miserable 24/7. I just want to snap but i can't do that either. I'm in such a losing situation and it isn't even my fault. I hate my ****ing life and i hate this world.

 

[Zooman]

FFS i can't even improve on myself because of how stressed out i am. I want to learn so much and actually become successful but i am so stressed 24/7 that all i want to do is sleep. But then once i sleep over 8 hours i just have nightmares and feel like i have a fever. In college i can't even pay attention to what the teachers say because of my anxiety and whenever i want to ask a question or talk to someone or say something my anxiety becomes so bad that i might as well be mute. When i actually do speak up despite my anxiety i just say the wrong things and look like a serial killer or a drug addict because of how bad my anxiety affects me physically. When i get home and am not asleep i am bored out of my mind and stressed out beyond belief. To top it off my family sucks and i have other problems other than SA. I can't get a job because of my SA and some physical problems of mine and i literally feel like my life is only going to get worse. I swear to god i get panic attacks so often because i've realized life is so meaningless for me. I'm not spiritual and i am pretty smart and have basically figured out why people act the way they do for the most part. Mankind is so ****ing depraved and i don't feel like i can do ANYTHING about it. I feel so ****ing helpless and never get to even enjoy myself. I just want to jump off a tower tbh.

 

[Zooman]

I wish i could just ****ing escape this hell. I feel so ****ing trapped though because of all my problems. The world wont give me a chance it feels like and any opportunities i do have are usually ruined by my problems. Hence i am living with people i hate and i have no friends because i scare off people with my anxiety and i end up alone and miserable. I don't really even see the point anymore tbh. I'm just so ****ing tired at this point i just want to give up. It's not like i havent tried, in fact ive tried harder than i can even imagine. But seriously i just feel like im falling and eventually i'm going to hit the ground. Should i just give up now before it gets even worse? Why should i wait for more torture. It doesn't make sense. I ****ing hate this survival instinct of mine, it is totally illogical.

 

[Zooman]

Man i need to find a way out of this house, my family is such a ****ing trigger. I swear to god i am only suicidal around these people.

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh man, I can relate to so much of what you said, Zooman. It's depressing... :sad:

Anyway, sorry to hear that yer going through a incredibly shitty time just now. It's not easy living with yer family especially if they're constantly treating you like shite. The mention of yer mum being a Christian and constanly being direspected by the family certainly strike a chord with me. As well as the family being a trigger for you. And being scared off people due to yer experience with yer family.

You're not the youngest in the family, by any chance? Just asking because I am and get treated in a similar manner to you.

Have you ever thought about putting them in their place and standing up to them? Just because they're family doesnae mean they have the right to treat like shit. Seriously, get them told... Because in the long term it's not going to change unless you stand up for yerself. And it will have a lasting impact on yer life if you don't do something about it. Just reading those posts shows how deeply yer family treatment of you has affect you. And being around such judgemental people will only make you feel worse about yerself.

And I understand completely because my family were exactly the same until I snapped at them. I mean I'd been repeatedly told I was useless by my mum and older sisters. Had to put up with snide comments about my interest/hobbies and opinion. Everything I said being taken as a joke.

Not to mention the endless insults I had to endure from my oldest sister with regards to my appearance, all of which at the time, really affected my self-confidence. Now, in hindsight, I see their treatment of me as more of reflection of how they are as people, it doesn't define who I am.

As fair as getting outta the house and away from yer family. If getting a job and yer own place to live isn't exactly a feesable option for you at the moment. Then just getting out and going for a walk is the next best thing and will do ya some good. Merely a suggestion... Even if it's just getting from them for lil' while. I aware that's probably not yer ideal scenario.

But your family are, clearly, factoring into yer anxiety and other negative feelings. Your survival instinct isn't illogical, if anything it's quite the opposite. Considering what you have put up with... I admire yer resilience. But don't wait for more torture, that's just silly if ask me. Why wait for things to even more worse than they already are?

I mean, if you're really at yer wits' end at the moment. It's time to take steps to change that. First of which would be avoiding yer family like the effin' plague. And if you have to be around 'em, stand up for yerself whenever they're disrespectful towards you. They'll soon get the message if ye do it often enough. As I said, they don't the right to treat as they have been doing just because they're family.

Anyway, sorry my advice probably isn't the best, I'm going off my own similar experiences with my family. But please don't give up on yerself.

I hope my ramblings were of some help to you, Zooman. Stay strong, pal. :thumbup:

 

[RestlessFlames]

I'm not surprised your parents said that. most people I've encountered have had anti-black sentiments, be it subtle or overt. I'm pretty much jaded by all these racial comments I'm hearing at this point. post-racial society my rear.

 

[defiance]

funny thing is as I am reading this about 30 minutes ago i just had an argument with my father. I cannot stand the man. He drives everyone insane. I have to deal with so much and the fact that this man makes it worse makes me hate him more and more with each passing day. For my mothers sake I have to pretend everything is ok but my god all i can say is if they were to divorce id never see that *******s face ever again. I cannot express how much i hate this man. He has done nothing but ruin everything. As i'm writing this my anxiety and depression has kicked up to another level and I feel beyond miserable. So yeah i know how it could be to be around people like that. It's terrible but just hang in there the best you can. Know that you are not alone. And sorry I don't have any useful advice to give. I wish that I did.

 

[Zooman]

I'm not surprised your parents said that. most people I've encountered have had anti-black sentiments, be it subtle or overt. I'm pretty much jaded by all these racial comments I'm hearing at this point. post-racial society my rear.

Yep... for a long time I really didn't even realize how racist society was. I guess I was just ignorant. Maybe it was just because my anxiety somehow disconnected me from societies vices? I don't really know tbh.. It's honestly a shock to me to know that people are still so ****ing retarded that they discriminate based on skin color and other minutiae. I feel like I am living in such a primitive time period. Thank god i wasn't born earlier in history, i'd have probably gone insane. Scratch that I would probably be a dead man.

 

[Zooman]

funny thing is as I am reading this about 30 minutes ago i just had an argument with my father. I cannot stand the man. He drives everyone insane. I have to deal with so much and the fact that this man makes it worse makes me hate him more and more with each passing day. For my mothers sake I have to pretend everything is ok but my god all i can say is if they were to divorce id never see that *******s face ever again. I cannot express how much i hate this man. He has done nothing but ruin everything. As i'm writing this my anxiety and depression has kicked up to another level and I feel beyond miserable. So yeah i know how it could be to be around people like that. It's terrible but just hang in there the best you can. Know that you are not alone. And sorry I don't have any useful advice to give. I wish that I did.

I hear ya.. my dad was like my worst nightmare for most of my life.

 

[anomicdeer]

Just have hobbies to pass time and in the meanwhile continue to work on making your life better and get away from those people.

You'll be okay

 

[Zooman]

Just have hobbies to pass time and in the meanwhile continue to work on making your life better and get away from those people.

You'll be okay

Your right, i'm sure i'll be fine. It's not like I have debilitating anxiety that completely holds me back in life. Oh wait...