I just wanted to fit in.

HeadFace

Well-known member
Really, and everyone who seems promising always lets me down.
I just wanted to fit in, and feel like I'm not defective, and that I'm not.. That bad of a person. I do try my best.
But instead everyone I meet rejects me for some reason. And of course I'm left in solitude...
What's wrong with me? All I wanted was to feel apart of a group, and to be accepted for once. How come I cant have that? Whats wrong with me? Why am I always left out? What've I done to deserve this?
 

MaliceInWickedland

Well-known member
There's nothing wrong with you and I doubt you've done anything to deserve that kind of treatment. No one deserves that. Hell I think you're a really sweet and modest guy and that's something really rare and difficult to find in a guy these days. People, especially girls, should be swooning over you, not rejecting you. Sadly, that's the kind of treatment social phobics tend to get. The way I see it, people tend to think of us social phobics like rocks stuck on the side of a stream - out of place with nowhere to go.

I can sort of relate to your situation too. I feel like whenever someone meets for the first time they don't like me from the start or think I'm a total weirdo and they're just talking to me just to be nice. Another thing that bothers me is how a lot of my friends are changing for the worst and showing their true colors ever since I graduated from high school last month. I don't know why but lately it feels like they've been brushing me off. Like last week I asked one of my good friends if she wanted to see a movie with me sometime during the weekend and she completely changed the subject and never once brought up the movies again. She's done that a couple times before but I never really thought about it. Now I realize, or it at least seems like she feels free to brush me off as she wishes now that we don't see each other as often anymore. I know I put her though a lot of crap during jr high and freshman year back when I was suicidal but I've changed a lot since then and I actually felt like we'd gotten closer but now all those hopes have pretty much gone to piss.

Anyway, I think you're a really nice person and it's a shame that you're being treated that way. I know I would never reject you if I ever met you in person, if that serves as any reassurance to you :)

Just know that there's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with the world. Very wrong.
 

Hero

Well-known member
I've been socially rejected so many time I've spiralled into a pit of depression.

What exactly happens when you try to fit in or socialize? If you can identify what goes wrong, we can help you more.

Theres nothing 'wrong' with you, you're just a little different. We can all relate..
 

upndwn

Well-known member
As a social phobic I know it is hard to fit in. I have suspicions that everyone's always secretly talking behind my back and that since I have SA I'm not fit to hang out with other so called "normal" people.

I used to feel like I was rejected all the time, but for some reason the people I called my friends choose to stay with me, even to this day 15+ years later. My periods of feeling ostracized has come and gone. I'm currently in a period where I feel like I'm being left on the outside, but a lot of my own friends are occupied with their own stuff. Several are on vacation, my best friend just bought an apartment and some other are planning on renting a house together. I feel like I'm being left out and that people are secretly plotting behind my back to keep me on the outside. I know this is just my SA stirring up again, so I try to ignore it. But I always try to pull myself down when I feel I'm not getting the attention I want to.
 

HeadFace

Well-known member
There's nothing wrong with you and I doubt you've done anything to deserve that kind of treatment. No one deserves that. Hell I think you're a really sweet and modest guy and that's something really rare and difficult to find in a guy these days. People, especially girls, should be swooning over you, not rejecting you. Sadly, that's the kind of treatment social phobics tend to get. The way I see it, people tend to think of us social phobics like rocks stuck on the side of a stream - out of place with nowhere to go.

I can sort of relate to your situation too. I feel like whenever someone meets for the first time they don't like me from the start or think I'm a total weirdo and they're just talking to me just to be nice. Another thing that bothers me is how a lot of my friends are changing for the worst and showing their true colors ever since I graduated from high school last month. I don't know why but lately it feels like they've been brushing me off. Like last week I asked one of my good friends if she wanted to see a movie with me sometime during the weekend and she completely changed the subject and never once brought up the movies again. She's done that a couple times before but I never really thought about it. Now I realize, or it at least seems like she feels free to brush me off as she wishes now that we don't see each other as often anymore. I know I put her though a lot of crap during jr high and freshman year back when I was suicidal but I've changed a lot since then and I actually felt like we'd gotten closer but now all those hopes have pretty much gone to piss.

Anyway, I think you're a really nice person and it's a shame that you're being treated that way. I know I would never reject you if I ever met you in person, if that serves as any reassurance to you :)

Just know that there's nothing wrong with you. There's something wrong with the world. Very wrong.[/QUOTE

Thank you! It means lot, really. I do feel out of place everywhere I go, too. You're really sweet, and I hope you dont change. I dont think you deserve to be rejected by your own friends like that. Actually, I've gone through that multiple times... I was supposed to see a friend last saturday, and then saturday came. And I never heard from him. And before that I asked a friend to hang out and she keeps telling me "next week". And I've asked her multiple times now, so I guess it's obvious that I'm not exactly a stunning person to be around :rolleyes:

The whole concept of 'fitting in' seems to trail off as people get older. From what I can recall of you, you are in your late-teens, right? (Sorry if I'm wrong)
I think that once people reach adulthood it becomes less about fitting in, but just being comfortable with oneself and developing our own personalities which in turn can enhance our independence.
You should never try to fit in. People who try too hard, are transparent, and others can see right through them. You just need to be happy with who you are and let the rest come naturally. You shouldn't be making other people feel like they have the right to judge you, but thats what will happen if you let your insecurities shine through too much.
I know these things are easier said than done but - as I say about a lot of things - you really need to accept and be happy with yourself first - if you can do that, you'll have a lot more perspective and instead of thinking that people are rejecting you, you'll just see it for what it really is - you just don't connect with that person. Nobody connects with everybody so don't beat yourself up about it and just wait until you find people you can connect with :)
Well.. What I meant by fitting in was just.. Mostly getting rid of this lonelniess feeling, and having a group of friends. Not in a way that I wish I could conform to everything the other teens are doing nowadays.
But yeah. I find myself very hard to like.

I've been socially rejected so many time I've spiralled into a pit of depression.

What exactly happens when you try to fit in or socialize? If you can identify what goes wrong, we can help you more.

Theres nothing 'wrong' with you, you're just a little different. We can all relate..
Sounds a little bit like me... I'm repeatedly rejected. Just.. over and over and over again...
And I'm not sure. I make a friend, and grow a bit close. And then eventually they disappear. One way or another they're just finding their way out of my life.
Heh. I don't think its just a little different, but yeah I'm glad I can relate to a few others.

As a social phobic I know it is hard to fit in. I have suspicions that everyone's always secretly talking behind my back and that since I have SA I'm not fit to hang out with other so called "normal" people.

I used to feel like I was rejected all the time, but for some reason the people I called my friends choose to stay with me, even to this day 15+ years later. My periods of feeling ostracized has come and gone. I'm currently in a period where I feel like I'm being left on the outside, but a lot of my own friends are occupied with their own stuff. Several are on vacation, my best friend just bought an apartment and some other are planning on renting a house together. I feel like I'm being left out and that people are secretly plotting behind my back to keep me on the outside. I know this is just my SA stirring up again, so I try to ignore it. But I always try to pull myself down when I feel I'm not getting the attention I want to.

I kinda of feel the same now. A little bit of distrust in a lot of people I meet, nowadays. I don't know if they're just talking to me to seem nice. And I dont think any of the people I've been talking to actually plan on ever really being around me or staying with me.
 
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