I just need a little encouragement..

[zecchino1991]

Hi I am new here so I am sorry if I should be posting this somewhere else, but I just need some positive words of encouragement and to hear other people's experiences. I have been a very shy person since 7th grade.

My problem is I sometimes get very nervous in social situations. In most cases I am fine, but I hate trying to have a conversation with one person. I feel like I have nothing to say and it is very awkward, I feel very self conscious. I feel like I am only thinking about how nervous I am.::

But I am going a vacation to a foreign country next month (I have friends there), and I am very nervous to talk to them:: Not to mention I will be speaking a different language! And I might even meet this girl who is very famous there, and I think I might have a heart attack! haha. I really admire her.

I just want to feel confident about myself. I have this problem where I automatically feel ashamed of everything I am interested in. I want to feel good about myself so I will feel confident and be able to talk to my friends without feeling or sounding really awkward..

Any suggestions for me to feel better about myself? I get EXTREMELY easily embarrassed. Like I seem to get embarrassed over nothing when I am around people (and even when I'm not...) So how can I just feel...normal when I talk to people??

 

[Jumping Flea]

First of all well done for doing this

I usually feel a lot better in a foreign country. People there expect you to be a little different, they don't care if you seem a bit strange. And you will be speaking a different language and unless you are perfect you are bound to to make a mistake somewhere. If you slip up during a conversation just blame it on the Language barrier.

I automatically feel ashamed of everything I am interested in

I feel like that a lot of the time, but just be yourself, you will come across as much more natural and relaxed, and people can get to know the real you

Good Luck.

 

[BlackPuma]

Take it for what it's worth, but I think you're very brave for merely going there. Just remind yourself that even though you'll be seeing them in real life, these people are the same people you spoke to online(?), and thus well established friends.

 

[zecchino1991]

Take it for what it's worth, but I think you're very brave for merely going there. Just remind yourself that even though you'll be seeing them in real life, these people are the same people you spoke to online(?), and thus well established friends.

Yeah, most of them I have only talked to on IM but I have met one in real life (she came here, and she is the reason I'm going). And there is one I talk to on Skype (with voice chat), so that is one step above text chat haha.

 

[chained]

Welcome..
and going to another country means u can act strange, they'll just think its the mentality of your people... and you will have a Lot to exchange with these ppl, and I bet they will do a lot of talking also..
Which language will u be speaking (im in love with languages :
get mad and say will i be wasting my whole life like this? anger tends to motivate

 

[Tiercel]

You can do it!

Don't feel bad about embarrassing yourself while over there. As a foreigner you'll be expected to be a bit odd, out of place, and perhaps even silly. So try using this to your advantage to take risks you normally wouldn't. If you fail and embarrass yourself, blame it on the language/cultural barrier.

But above all do the most to enjoy your trip. It's not every day that one travels to a foreign country.

 

[commenter39]

as a sufferer i need to say that just a little encouragement is not enough. it does not work that way, u gotta solve the main problem, and like i said u cannot do it with just a little encouragement, maybe u can save the day, but that s not what u want i suppose

 

[Entourage!]

I'm gonna be 22 soon. And it feels like YEARS and flown by recently. You're only young once. Do you wanna feel like you missed out on your youth or all of the crazy experiences or would you like to RISK something, and having some of the best memories of your life?

You only get ONE shot, and then it's over. I would respect someone more who tried his hardest and made a fool out of himself than someone who never even tried. But guess what? If you keep trying EVENTUALLY you WILL succeed.

It's better to go out blazing than to fade away. START TAKING RISKS.

 

[zecchino1991]

Welcome..
and going to another country means u can act strange, they'll just think its the mentality of your people... and you will have a Lot to exchange with these ppl, and I bet they will do a lot of talking also..
Which language will u be speaking (im in love with languages :
get mad and say will i be wasting my whole life like this? anger tends to motivate

I am in love with languages too! I'm going to Israel so I'll be speaking Hebrew (even though almost everyone there speaks English very well...But I wanna try anyway: And that anger thing is very good advice. Thank you.

And to commenter39, I know I need more than encouragement. Of course it is in my hands to make myself feel better. And I am prepared to do that and I am very confident in myself that I can. I am sure I can do it. But a little encouragement never hurts.

 

[Ree_Ree]

In a foreign country, appearing odd and different could be a good thing as long as you stay calm and relaxed while being yourself. In some cases people seem to like "different" or "odd" because they might get bored from seeing the same old thing everyday.

And another thing; if the friend you seen in person likes you pretty good, the chances are your other friends will also enjoy you.

 

[TimArends]

Wow, you have brought up a lot of separate issues here. Almost every one of your sentences could be a separate post, so I will pick out only one.

You say you automatically feel ashamed of everything you are interested in. Why is this?

I don't like to throw around the term "low self-esteem" very much, because I think this phrase is way overused in today's society, but this definitely sounds like it.

Maybe if you elaborated on why you feel ashamed of your interests?

This is one of those "iceberg statements" where only a tiny part pokes above the surface and, like, 90% or more lurks below, wanting to be explored.

 

[chris11]

One good idea to help with your anxiety is to try to figure out what specific types of social situations make you anxious. Once you can figure that one out, what you need to try to do is figure out why you think that they make you anxious by describing your thoughts in said situatinos. Once you describe your thoughts, you can go about refuting each and every one of them using rationality. Continue to do this every single time you experiance anxiety, and then, after a certain amount of time you should delibertly expose yourself to such situations. Then, you'll be more or less cured!

The technique described above is what they do in cognitive behavioral therapy, and it worked really well for me.