I just can't take life anymore

[recluse]

I'm in a pit of despair, i don't want to talk to anyone apart from my workmates(because i have to). My mother tells me to stop acting like a kid. I tried telling her that i cant help feeling depressed because i am lonely but she won't listen, no one understands. Earlier i accidently spilled some tea on the floor and she called me a ''stupid bastard!''

No one can help me, nothing makes me happy, life is shit!

 

[Argamemnon]

I don't want to sound rude, but your mother seems like a worthless person. You should consider living on your own. How you can cope with so much humiliation is beyond me. Maybe I'm too emotional, but I would never live together with such people, even if they are my parents. I'm not blaming you or anything, don't get me wrong.

 

[Nic_ohyes]

hey, how old r u if u dont mind me asking?

Its easy sometimes when you have more shit in your life then good to think everything about it is shit, just dont let others words and asumptions of you effect the way you see yourself, or what you think of yourself will change everyday!

think about what you love, what you love doing, what u once loved doing what u think u might love doing. follow a dream mate.

sometimes there aint alot u can do right here and now, but u can work towards something!!

for example, i dont like my dad wot so ever!! hes just a selfish person who only ever causes upset and picks arguements, ive even told my mum to get a divorce for her own good lol i love him but i dont like him. well ive been trying to move out for years!! at times i felt so depressed that really...i had no choice but to live with him. after 3 years of trying im finally moving out in a month or so. we had a arguement earlier, he even threatened me this time lol i really wanted to just get a bag and go. but with 2 months left..whats the point?

point of my story is. sometimes its better to put up with the shit, put plans in place, wait for a oppurtunity...take it and then once you can...stick two middle fingers up at the past! and i cant wait. i hope u get the chance to do the same!

 

[scorpion]

A stupid bastard????'
What mother is that????
Geeeeeee........

Why is that people think we can flip our fingers and change our personality?

Well, recluse you are not alone, if there is any console, i am a mess myself, bad 26 years, bad day, bad week, bad family.

So you are not alone, we all struggle to survive and change things a bit at a time.

Be strong, and for the notice, YOU ARE NOT A BASTARD!

 

[bleach]

Having abusive parents is the worst curse you can give anybody, because it is almost a guarantee that you will be fucked up for life. You would not believe how many prisons and mental hospitals are filled with people that were raised in an abusive home.

 

[putdown]

to recluse:
I understand you.Anyway, I think we can enjoy
staying with ourselves.

Why we come here ?Because we want to get/give
some support from the others/to each other.
Yesterday you gave a piece of suggestion to another
friend. You remind us of endorphin.You have a
warm heart.Do you agree with me?

 

[Cool_Un_Cool]

Just think about this.
I have no friends, girlfriends, job, or any useful abilities.
I am confined to a cramped apartment 99% of the time, I'm a living joke to my family and strangers.
My nickname is The Human f**k up.
Also, I am a freakish cripple.
My physical deformity is only a metaphor for my emotional deformity.
If I can take life, I think you can. So please, try.

 

[recluse]

I don't want to sound rude, but your mother seems like a worthless person. You should consider living on your own. How you can cope with so much humiliation is beyond me. Maybe I'm too emotional, but I would never live together with such people, even if they are my parents. I'm not blaming you or anything, don't get me wrong.

It's ok. My mother is very kind in that she washes my clothes, food etc, but she can't take my depression so instead of being a support she gets angry at me.

 

[Nic_ohyes]

er yeh i dont think anyone should cuss peoples mums really......

 

[recluse]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Whenether i am depressed and i am really quiet, mother will get angry and say ''Why don't you say what's wrong?!'' and i tell her that i am lonely and that i am depressed and then she'll get angry because i told her what's wrong, so i can't win! She also said that i was pathetic last night.

Since me and my older sister were kids we had to endure mental and sometimes physical abuse. My mother would beat my sister when she was in her teenage years untill she was black and blue, and the thing i hated most was my sisters screams as my mother beat her, it was as if my mother would become possesed and she would change from a loving mother to this person. The smallest thing such as me and my sister laughing could set her off. My mother often used to just start crying out of the blue and she constantly picked arguments with my dad, on one occasion she even got out a box of paracetemol and threatened to take an overdose in front of me and my sister when we were just kids. I think that to the outside world my mother appears to be shy and gentle but we know another side to her. The thing is i love her to bits but i don't like the other side of her. I have no doubt that the way she has treated me and my sis in the past has made me this way.

 

[**removed**]

That sounds really rough.. you're right I think your mother behaving that way can only have a negative effect on any child growing up. My dad used to have fits of rage when I was younger (still does sometimes lol), but that sounds like the next level.

How old are you if you dont mind me asking? I'm 20 (though i dont feel like it). I've told my friend this so many times (he also goes through anxiety/depression) that I feel like a boy more than a man. My parents havent said to me what your mother has to you but I feel like this inside so much. It makes me feel inferior and pathetic. What your mother does is horrible because it just cements that idea.

 

[wooaah]

to recluse:
Mother beating her children like that... that's actually disturbing. I don't think its healthy to just take abuse like that. And it sounds like she is unstable, and actually needs your help more than the other way around....

in any case, it might be better to move out. I can't imagine trying to deal with depression in that kind of environment.

 

[wooaah]

Just think about this.
I have no friends, girlfriends, job, or any useful abilities.
I am confined to a cramped apartment 99% of the time, I'm a living joke to my family and strangers.
My nickname is The Human f**k up.
Also, I am a freakish cripple.
My physical deformity is only a metaphor for my emotional deformity.
If I can take life, I think you can. So please, try.

The strongest person emotionally/mentally i've ever met is physically disabled Japanese man (japanese society is horribly intolerant of anything different). Its obvious he's happy, and i keep wondering how he manages to keep it that way.

He said he used to be ashamed of his physical shortcomings. But one day he saw another person, with the same disability, who was obviously ashamed of himself too. And seeing a 'mirror image' of himself, he decided he didn't want to be depressed anymore, he didnt want to hate himself anymore, and to fight to be happy. He's got a great family a great job, and a great heart.

You coming out to help people in the forums kinda reminds me of the way he tries to help me.

 

[FlawlessGem]

I can't take life myself anymore, either...ggrrr :x

 

[Diluted_Acid]

Bro i totally relate to everything about your mum and feel hell hell sorry for you. My mum (born in almost poverty, tough parents who survived a concentration camp) also was pretty abusive in similiar ways too . . . yet would be all loving at the same time and almost babied me alot in life. It's screwed. You sound like a decent bloke though, and i would love to talk about this in particularly with you. If you like please pm me your email. Hey good luck otherwise.