Argamemnon said:
Do you have family or true friends you can be yourself with?
I can be myself with my brother, but I don't like to share too much of my dark moods with him as I don't feel it's fair to him. My boyfriend can't cope with me when I'm feeling low, and gets angry with me or avoids me - although he's been depressed in the past too. He feels that depression has to have a concrete cause and doesn't understand how I can just feel miserable sometimes out of nowhere. My mum doesn't really understand - she's never been depressed and although she acknowledges it and believes it's a genuine illness, she admits that she can't imagine what it feels like. She's a very practical person and tends to feel that as long as I'm managing to pay the bills, that's the main thing. My dad suffered very badly from depression and I often wish I could talk to him about it, but he died a long time ago. There are so many conversations I wish I could have with him, not just about depression. As for friends, I'm frightened of making them miserable/boring them/scaring them away with my unhappiness and general dissatisfaction with life.
I tend to cut myself off from everyone when I'm depressed, partly because it's harder to cope with social demands when I'm low and partly because I know I'm not pleasant to be around when I'm moody, tired, unenthusiastic, short-tempered, paranoid, miserable and generally hopeless :roll: I feel it's best for everyone (including myself, as I'll have to face these people again when I eventually emerge from my black mood) to just disappear for a while. Unfortunately I still have to go to work, live with my boyfriend and attempt to keep in touch with friends, when all I want to do is pull the duvet over my head and forget the world exists for a while.
...and that's the very long answer to your short question! :wink: