I have a HUGE inferiority complex

[Mehh]

Hi there,

I'm Mehh, and I've been coming on and off this site for the last couple of years. Anyway, I'm starting to understand that my SA and general anxiety seem to be rooted in a massive inferiority complex. I lack confidence in myself and don't think that my abilities/personality/looks match up to the rest of society's. I have no trust in myself and am constantly afraid of screwing things up, probably because I don't think I'm good at anything. I hate dividing up tasks (i.e. in a school setting or when doing chores) because I feel like most people can do the given task better than I could. And even though this is minor, I have absolutely no trust in my fashion sense- I just never learned how to put together outfits, and never feel that what I'm wearing is normal/fashionable, even if others tell me it is. I just feel like I always look odd and out of place, whereas strangers seem to look normal and natural.

As you've probably discerned, I constantly compare myself to others, even though I know that I'm not supposed to do that. For a boring, talent-less person, I am bizarrely competitive. I often become envious of positive qualities in others that I wish I could have, and it makes me feel bad about myself. I have friends and family that are much more talented and accomplished than I am, and I just feel so inferior to them in every possible way. Even when it comes to my positive qualities (for example, I am a good student and a generally nice person), I can't get past the fact that many people are *better* students, and *even nicer* that I am.

I'm really in a depressive funk right now and I just don't know how to handle this anymore. Thoughts?

 

[Marc7]

I don't know if we are the same but I have a inferiority complex too, I constantly think people are better than me like people who do illegal things, are certain race of men, and people that have a better ,social,romantic,sex, life than I do. Also I compare myself to people who are more successful than me or I am jealous of. But what I do is I counteract my inferior thoughts and say that I am equal to that person. But it's not going to be easy though because I still have those thoughts and it's hard getting the motivation to do that every single day and moment.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I think there's a mix of things going on inside you. Think about it, before you quickly answer. WHY DO YOU have to be better (or, for the sake of argument, equal) to them? Why can't you just be you? I think your competitive nature is a clue to the riddle...Let's be honest here, you're not comparing yourself to the homeless guy or the dork at your school...No, you're comparing yourself with people that match societies ideals. You think it's your right to be as popular and awesome as they are. But, you see yourself as not. So, this angers you, you feel that it's not fair and burn with envy.

Maybe you need some perspective. There's a lot of people who have it worse than you. Born handicapped (mentally and physically). I know, that really does make you feel any better. But, the bottom line is, life was never meant to be fair. And the sooner you accept that and get over it, the better.

Upset about what you lack, the past......all pointless. The people we admire the most or are inspired by, are people who OVERCOME what life threw at them. That's the story line of the best movies. The guy or gal, who overcame all odds. What if the protagonist of the movie complained through the whole 90 minutes. Would you watch that? It's your choice what kind of movie you want it to be, because the most important story in your life, is the one you're currently writing now by your actions and lack thereof.

Forget about societies standards. Unless you want a spot on the Kardashians. Chasing the world's standards, is like chasing fame, you have a better chance of catching the wind.

Be the best you that you can be-MAX OUT all of your talents. Whatever you have, make the very most of it. Don't just be kind, help others. Be inspirational. Now that's a story and guy that people would want to watch and know. Be the best version of YOU. There's a reason why we're all different. Life would be boring if everyone was the same.

It's not going to be an easy road. I'm following what I'm preaching. It's hard. I felt the same way as you. I'm in therapy and you probably would benefit from it too. Just start being more grateful, work hard and forget about what others think. If you can do that, you will begin to feel peace and a lot less anxiety.

So, here we are. Frame one..........what is the protagonist going to do? It's your story. Make it an inspirational one!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I hope I didn't sound too sanctimonious. With mental illnesses like Depression and SA, this philosophy isn't easy. It's a day to day struggle. Life is a moving target. I just want to live a life where I can be happy and feel proud.

 

[jaim38]

I dealt with the same problems too. Everywhere we get bombarded with news about whiz kids who at the age of 12 already graduated from college and now teaching, geniuses who invented something for the benefit of the whole society, kids as young as 2 having an IQ of 120+. All of this makes people like us jealous, envious, creates more feelings of inferiority and fosters perhaps resentment for those who are more "successful" than we are.

First of all, we must stop comparing! I know it sounds impossible, but with practice, you can do it! We are all different - we have different personalities, levels of intelligence, family backgrounds, etc. Think about this: is it fair to compare a person with IQ 150 who comes from a rich supportive family, with a person who has IQ 80 who comes from family of drug abuse? It's like comparing apples to oranges! The point is, it is fruitless, unfair, and not worthwhile to keep comparing yourself to others.

Secondly, redefine "success" - which is a subjective term btw. Society's definition of "success" is having superb social skills, being liked by almost everyone, getting a hot girl/boy, making boatloads of money, having a house, car, etc. Find your definition, don't use someone else's.

The posters above offered great advice. Good luck and happy new year!

PS: It's ok to have feelings of jealousy and envy, as long as you don't act on them. Sometimes we can't help it, after all we are only human and not perfect. Try to be happy for the other person, and act on positive feelings instead.

 

[Abner699]

Currently I am also facing the same problem. Anyhow, I read out your interesting and informative ideas here. Especially, "WE MUST STOP COMPARING". Sure these ideas will be helpful for me in this regard. thanks everyone.