I have a fear of seeing my old high schoolfriends/x-bfs/others who know me

BC-chick

BC-chick

Banned
I don't know if i have agoraphobia
I am afraid to go to certain places only (like certain cities where my "enemies" live and yeah trust me..they all hate me I had fights with everyone and just eliminated everyone from my life cuz i wanted to start fresh but now i've developed this fear), and this is because I am afraid that I might run into:
Old high school friends ( i don't want them to see that I still live here and that I don't have a ring on my finger which would mean i'm married and i dont sport one of those babies in my arms like they do)
Also afraid to run into x bfs and yes unfortunately i had a lot.. a lot of them hurt me and i dont wanna give them the pleasure of seeing me looking anxious or sad ..you know what i mean ?

anyway when I was living in another city where there was no one i knew there..it was SOO much easy for me to go out alone and not worry.. so do i have agoraphobia? or just social anxiety? and what do you suggest i do? i cannot be friends with any of these people because i had fights with them. do you think i should move again? but if i moved id be away from my family... i dont mind being away from my currect bf's family ..bcuz we always have to go see them and there's so many of them it always gives me anxiety to go see them..so i would love to be FAR as possible from them...
 
kihira

kihira

1
Maybe the best thing to do is to be indifferent to these people if you're not comfortable being friendly to them. Its no fun having to hide and avoid, so try to ignore that you feel judged by them
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
hmm, I was a bit uneasy about possible ex classmates who now have hubbies and kiddies, but you know what? Some people can be TOTALLY jealous of your 'single' and 'child-free' status!! (They think you're wildly partying etc!! while they have to stay at home and babysit!! :))
So, it can be a surprising experience!! I'd say go and just be polite and vague and upbeat about what is it you do & your life... you have a bf so it seems you have at least a few things to brag about with?

I hear you on the bfs... no good advice on that, at least they're not on every movie poster in Hollywood as you drive by, like Minnie Driver said?? (imagine how awkward would *that* be??)
(unless you ARE Minnie Driver, but then again, you have things to brag with, totally!! :))

If you've had a lot of bfs, you can also be seen as 'modern cosmopolitan lady' (just pretend you're one of the girls in the popular TV series??) and again, the married ladies may be jealous of you, for being a 'man magnet'??

Some of those classmates may be divorced (or wanting to) in a few years... and people start families ar 40+ these days (though younger is better, if you at all WANT kids, some people just don't, and are happy that way!!) It's your CHOICE!!

If you look thoughtful, people don't know if you're thinking about buying lunch or when next train comes, you know? So maybe just nod and walk by like you're in a hurry or something?
(Or they might even be friendly!! bored with their new wife/flame or whatever??)

Can you find some new friends? Maybe go to a course or special interest club, meet new people? Sometimes new people come into town, and people forget too, and are preocuppied with own problems.. so usually they don't think about other people much at all!!

Take care & be brave, whatever you decide!!
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
They're all becoming old and grey, I probably wouldn't recognise them.

I'm running half marathons at 49. Karma worked in my favour it seems.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
hehe good to know :)

yeah people are often too preoccupied with their own 'drama' to bother to think of anyone else's :)
and if you ask about their life they're mostly only too happy to tell, some won't even ask how you are, or will be perfectly satisfied with vague answers :)

you can also write a list of possibly iffy questions/concerns and figure out some answers or 'ways out' ahead of time... (some older people in small towns can be very curious/nosey lol, it's none of their business really but they're bored with life, and some can be quite sweet too, younger are usually okay-ish hehe, you can always ask questions about them or their pets/gardens/hobbies/weather - or remember that you're in a rush and need to get home to make lunch or whatever hehe)
There are childfree forums that can help with answers about kiddie status if you need help with that.. or you can post here too.. I found sometimes you do need to be blunt with some people, and sometimes they're not even offended! :)
 
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