I hate introductions

[girlinthecorner]

HI

I've had social anxiety for a long time, but I think it did get worse after I graduated high school because I completely stopped talking to people after that, except my family. And I barely talk to my family.

I have zero friends. I want a friend, I think. It's just hard for me to make any friends and keep them. Plus, usually I just don't like most people. The problem I have with making friends is trying to appear normal because that's what they expect and I start feeling uncomfortable because I try to avoid talking about the weird things about me. And I'm not used to doing things that normal friends do like talking on the phone or going out to the movies, so when that starts to come up I start to freak out and have to end the friendship or they'll stop talking to me because they get fed up with me.

I just started my first job a week ago (at age 23 - FINALLY) and I was really hoping I could meet a friend there, but NOPE. Everyone at my job is super nice to me and tries talking to me but I feel so awkward because I don't feel normal with them. Sometimes I wish they weren't so nice so I wouldn't feel like the odd one out. Usually I just don't want to talk and people keep asking me personal questions that I really don't want to answer, but I don't know how not to answer without appearing rude.

 

[kihira]

Hi girlinthecorner, welcome

You still could make friends at work, often it takes months to get used to people at work.

 

[Ignace]

I don't like personal questions either. Mostly I just answer something stupid so they don't ask me again. But it's bad for your image, so think before you answer.

 

[Feathers]

Hi and welcome!

YAY for the job!

I have zero friends. I want a friend, I think. It's just hard for me to make any friends and keep them. Plus, usually I just don't like most people. The problem I have with making friends is trying to appear normal because that's what they expect and I start feeling uncomfortable because I try to avoid talking about the weird things about me. And I'm not used to doing things that normal friends do like talking on the phone or going out to the movies, so when that starts to come up I start to freak out and have to end the friendship or they'll stop talking to me because they get fed up with me.

Maybe you were trying to make friends with wrong/boring people? Maybe you just need more interesting and quirky/artsy (?) people with whom you can be yourself? Or anime lovers/pet afficionados? (Just guessing here, as we don't know you yet! ) People with similar interests and things they like doing?

If you don't like answering personal questions, try to make it into a joke? Like half-teasing, 'If I tell you I'll have to kill you' - maybe rather not try that with co-workers though!! How about if you maybe ask, 'Why do you wanna know?' or something like that. Or if it's a man, wanting to know your weekend went, 'You wish you knew, ha?' and grin/smile or something like that.. the key is to make it playful, and nice, sort of..
Maybe even, 'Is it in your job description to know?' with a grin and a wink?

maybe write down a list of questions and possible answers, or we can help you with those? (Though if you have a serious job hmm.. you might need more ingenuity and to be a bit less 'creative' with it... Maybe at least write if your job is more easygoing like a cafe or book shop or non-profit, or more 'serious' like a corporate/gov office or something?)

Okay, I saw your profile says Medical records - it depends on the people there I guess.. If they're younger and a bit more offbeat, you can joke with them too.. If they're more serious, dunno.. Some older women like to ask very personal info (maybe matchmaking for their sons or such.. if you're open to meeting a man just say something vague and general that still makes you look good and actually doesn't say much?)

It's normal to feel awkward around them first.. As you get to know them better, it'll be easier, and you'll likely feel more normal too.. And yeah, it takes a while to get friends, you're still in the getting-to-know-you stage right now

To friends, you can say, 'I don't like talking on the phone much' (and it's not healthy anyway!) or suggest something else that YOU'd like to do, like a walk in the park or visit to a gallery or what you'd really like... I only go to movies if it's a film I really want to see, and not always even then.. Most people understand if you say, 'Hey I'm not into (horror films)' or 'I've seen this film already/don't really want to see it' or such...

 

[girlinthecorner]

Thanks for the welcome and the advice. Another week went by at work now and I decided to just stop worrying about fitting in there. I don't care about being friends with any of the people there. At first I was worried that I could be fired for not being social at all, but now I figure it shouldn't really matter as long as I do my job right. I am still a little worried about getting along with the boss though.

 

[just wanna b normal]

hey i hear you completely maybe this will help How to Overcome Social Phobia | eHow.com

 

[Yes We Can]

Hi, and welcome.

 

[Smurfette]

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I'm not comfortable talking about it" or "I don't really want to get into it". You could turn the focus back on them. Trust me, people love to talk about themselves. BUT I would like to challenge you (as I am trying this with myself as well) to try and have one conversation per day with someone. Everyday it must be a different person and it can be as short as 2 sentences! Good luck. Wish me luck too