I feel like the devil has taken me over

[Richey]

I have been feeling this way since i finished my course...looking for decent employment and not finding anything as of yet ...its easy to just give up after a while...sometimes it feels hopeless when you have that plus no real life or relationships either ...i tried to see if drinking a bottle of wine would help me relax a little last night, it did for about two hours then i felt sick and woke up with the most brutal hangover ...i'll never drink again, i dont even like the taste of wine and the hangover just makes it pointless to me ...i'll just have a coffee or something instead in the future ...that was so not worth the effort...

so that's it..back to the drawing board ..i'll try something different until i find some balance to make me more excitied to wake up in the morning ...
i own a white board and a marker pen, i have plenty of notepads to start planning things out...i need to keep practicing until i find the right life for me ...

if i just have no plan and everything is aimless then life will end up that way ...so i need to try something else...lately i've been waking up feeling pale and off colour as well ...so alot of this is getting to my head ...i think its because i've stopped exercising for a few weeks as well because i dont find the time ...so i've become a little bored of everything ....so the spark needs to be re lit.