I feel like its worsening

dannyboy65

dannyboy65

Well-known member
My depression, my schizophrenia its been so jumbled lately. Today is my 18th birthday and I'm depressed I wish I wasn't. I had a great day with the girl I liked, just something is bothering me. I hate how someone hurt her so bad that she's scared to date again. I try my best to show her I'm not an *** hole. Today she cuddled with me all day and I made her laugh, I even kissed her on the cheek a couple times. My schizophrenia disappeared when I was with her. But now that she's gone it came back and now they won't stop yelling at me. Their pounding in my head they tell me I'm not going to be happy with anyone and I'm going to live a terrible life. They want me to kill myself tonight, I just want to be with her.... She is all I think about, she helps me fight the demon that lingers inside me. I'm just scared she'll never take me because of the shit people done to her in her past. I'm not pressuring or anything I'm taking it slow I want her to be happy and slow is what she wants. Even if it takes years I will wait for her.... She's worth the wait, it's just I keep wondering someone as messed up as me do I really deserve a girl as great as her. Do I really deserve anyone.....
 
neardeath

neardeath

Well-known member
Happy Birthday, Dannyboy. Wow, 18. I don't even remember mine.

I hope things continue well in your relationship. Of course you deserve someone. We all do. We come in our unique package, so acceptance is the key. If you are willing to wait for this to be what you had in mind, you are a good soul. Sorry the illness is messing with you so badly.

Enjoy your birthday and try to give yourself a break, if even for a few hours.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
Happy b-day! Of course each of us who want a relationship deserves someone who is compatible and accepting of us. Continue to fight these voices and good luck!
 
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