I feel almost nothing for my mother
- Thread starter Acegame
- Start date
da_illest101
Well-known member
The truth is you can't like everyone and i think most people have a hard time realizing that. It's not when someone start dying you should just start carring or pretend to. I hope you can find a way to rebecomes friends with your mom even if both of you have a personality clash. You don't to have those kind of regrets for the rest of your life
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
You said you were devastated when your mother was diagnosed with chronic luekemia when you were 10.
This says to me that you have shut down your feelings for your mother out of necessity. You are expecting her to be gone at any moment and if you allow yourself to have a deep bond with her again, you'll be feeling like you did when you were 10 and she was first diagnosed with something truly terrible. I'm thinking it's a defense mechanism for you...hold her at arms length and you won't be so shattered when she's gone?
i'm not a therapist though so I could be completely off with my opinion.
This says to me that you have shut down your feelings for your mother out of necessity. You are expecting her to be gone at any moment and if you allow yourself to have a deep bond with her again, you'll be feeling like you did when you were 10 and she was first diagnosed with something truly terrible. I'm thinking it's a defense mechanism for you...hold her at arms length and you won't be so shattered when she's gone?
i'm not a therapist though so I could be completely off with my opinion.
B
Beatrice
Guest
Yes. For example, I don't like my grandparents and their daughter. I probably won't feel too much when they pass away (besides relief). Sounds harsh, but you know what? They've asked for it. Their behavior warrants such a response.
I know some people would say, "
But they're DYING!!!!" And...? So despite the fact that they were complete a-holes to me and my family while they were alive, because they are family I'm supposed to suddenly be sad because they're about to pass away?Sorry, probably doesn't help the OP much, but the quoted user just sparked a thought I've had for a while now.
theslowesthand
Banned
Some people, like both my parents, aren't really the "loveable" types, and i also have that (might be combo of hereditary & upbringing). Same with a sibling of mine. I think my family's genetics makes us very practical-focussed, & we "steer clear" of anything REMOTELY "personal" .. which :. means no deep/close/trusting bonds have ever been developed. We're all "friendly" enough to each other, but there's this "aloofness" or "distance". And for me its probably the worst, as due to being oversensitive & negative, i have had many, many negative interactions with my mother expecially.
And illnesses, mum's had cancer, and dad's had a potentially life-threatening medical situation. But i never really seemed to be that bothered about it (at the time). If the worst did happen (you know), then it would probably be YEARS before i felt much of a sense of "missing" them.
And i've probably never been happy about their very minimnal showing of affection/etc - i've missed-out on all of that stuff, such that now i think i'm chronically "affection-starved" & am constantly seeking comfort in my various additions & OCPD ways (to try to unsucessfully "fill that hole").
The sad fact is, due to genetics, some mothers don't have much of the "mothering instinct" (as with mine), and as such are primarily focussed on their own selves/lives, neglecting the emotional needs of their children. And we all know what that does to them....
And illnesses, mum's had cancer, and dad's had a potentially life-threatening medical situation. But i never really seemed to be that bothered about it (at the time). If the worst did happen (you know), then it would probably be YEARS before i felt much of a sense of "missing" them.
And i've probably never been happy about their very minimnal showing of affection/etc - i've missed-out on all of that stuff, such that now i think i'm chronically "affection-starved" & am constantly seeking comfort in my various additions & OCPD ways (to try to unsucessfully "fill that hole").
The sad fact is, due to genetics, some mothers don't have much of the "mothering instinct" (as with mine), and as such are primarily focussed on their own selves/lives, neglecting the emotional needs of their children. And we all know what that does to them....
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Sometimes we block our emotions. Sometimes other people block our emotions for us and we learn to block them. When my mother died I was hysterical and my father told me to pull myself together and stop crying I would upset everyone, he told me this over and over and he'd give me a dig with his elbow in company if I so much as sighed. The day after my mam died, he went absolutely mental at me for crying, told me to pull myself together and properly roared at me in front of everyone. So I stopped crying. I didn't cry after that. I didn't cry at the funeral but I collapsed following the coffin. I didn't show emotion for years after that but I started having really serious health problems. I didn't cry for anything. I had a big fight with a good friend and he told me I was ice cold and unfeeling totally heartless. I couldn't say anything, it was true. That's how I was, I didn't feel anything for anyone, and I knew I should be sad when bad things happened but I just felt indifferent. Nothing meant anything. Over the last few months I've started feeling emotion again, I think it just got blocked out for a while. Just became de-sensitised but it comes back. I don't know how, I just felt totally hopeless one day and started crying now everytime something bad happens I cry.