i don't normally post in this forum.

[appletree]

hey everybody, i feel worse than ever tonight.
so unbelievably alone, i do have friends but i could never explain to them how i feel.
I was pretty much fine until i got to about 15 ( I am now 19) at which point i realised something wasn't quite right, i have hyperhidrosis which means i sweat profusely pretty much all the time for no reason, i read a post recently that somebody had wrote who does not have hyperhidrosis saying why can't you just stop sweating. that is a bit like saying to somebody in a wheelchair oh why can you not just walk.
this wouldn't be so bad if somebody had a simular problem to me, it would be at least some comfort but i know nobody in real life with this condition.
I worry that it's not taken seriously by people.
I have never had a job because of this, i can't be around people.
i want to die so badly but i could never hurt my family in that way.
I just feel like nobody understands what i'm going through, this sounds so pathetic because i know and feel guilty about the fact that people have much worse conditions than this. it's just hard to explain to people how much this kind of thing can effect you.
my hands are wet all the time, i sweat through my clothes, and it even hurts to walk because my feet sweat as well.
i fucking hate myself, i am fucking gross.
i want to die.
i'm sorry for going on, i feel like this a lot.
this condition has caused a level of depression that i could never imagine before.
please somebody talk to me.

 

[Starry]

Mark, I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.

I'm so sorry about the HH, really. I don't know what it's like to have the condition, but I do know what it's like to hate yourself. It's not a good way to feel. It's downright horrible, and that's putting it mildly.

A lot of people don't seem to understand things, I suppose it comes down to empathy - I can't know what it's like to have HH, but I can imagine, and put myself in your place. I'd hate it.

You're not gross, even if the sweating makes you feel that way.

I really hope you can feel better soon. *Hugs*

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

 

[emmdee]

Hey, sweating is hot! We girls dig that look like crazy.
And, i know the feeling. To hate yourself. I feel that way everyday, but you are an amazing person, i am sure.
Like many people have said on here, you are only an amazing person if you think you are. That is the difference between confidence and insecurity.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hi Appletree,

The good thing is that, although I can't personally relate to your specific problem, having social anxiety (and who knows what specific problem or problems are at the root of this) I can empathise with feeling out of place and having shame and a sense of powerlessness.

This isn't even the first time that I've struggled so much with some issue fundamental to my well being and happiness. -The fact that this is the second time has been an extra sort of blow. ....the only consolation I give to my self is that this second new experience with struggle will open my eyes up to what life can really be like for a larger array of people and their circumstances.

Some of the most inspiring and wonderful people I have met have gone through some true hardships -where they didn't just struggle but also sufferred a great deal. I don't mean to 'promote' sufferring; however, one good thing to come out of this is empathy for others and a natural ability to relate to why others are where they are without that reflexive and somewhat unconcious looking down on them that I think people otherwise do. But having gone through a real trial and even also having sufferred, these can really change a person making them more receptive and lacking in judgement to others.

I think that people generally do judge others and I think that this tendency is greater when a person has not experienced how truly tough life can be and what it really can take to change. And what I think we learn when we go through such ordeals is to forgive and love unconditionally -as opposed to that flippant looking down on people who are in a state we see as undesirable.

And whatever clever, insightful and intelligent understanding we can develop with which to understand life and how to change, there is simply none as intelligent or as necessary as compassion and lack of judgement. Without this, the most intelligent idea could not work (or rather, the second most intelligent idea -being that empathy and compassion is the heighth of intelligence) ; and with compassion and empathy, a person needn't have great knowledge or intellect.

Anyhow, it isn't that I am not acknowledging your sufferring or telling you to deny it -that would be of no help. But, some really great people say themselves that a negative experience in their life is how they later came to their greatness. ...of course, it would be better to not have to suffer at all and just do what is needed without this. Still, good things can come from sufferring, even if sufferring is not a requisite for wisdom.

The only other thing I have to say is that yesterday at a dinner party for my 29th birthday, my sister made a comment about a second cousin of ours who -according to her- is the carbon copy of me as a child. Of course, this meant that this child was moody and highly tempermental. And my sister said some inaudible comment that I'm sure was nasty in nature -when I asked her to repeat what she had said she wouldn't. But I had gotten the jist. And it isn't the first time that she has implied that my child self and my younger version are tainted, flawed from birth.
And here she was doing this again rather fittingly on my birthday celebration.

The thing is that, these near 12 months during which I've lost my second or third job and endured the crap that I got from some people at my work, , been diagnosed with SA and endured what at least certainly felt like my psychiatrist's powerplay and attack on my sanity, and all the shame I felt about having a mental illness, and not to mention all my twenties and more spent largely with no social life and not one boyfriend ...well, lately, perhaps this past year that has been fairly harrowing in that I've been facing up to my problem a lot ...after this and all the above, I no-longer can believe my sister when she calls the child in me 'cursed' or 'faulty'.

And I think that this means that as a result of my struggle and even maybe my sufferring, that I've reached a stronger sense of what I can't change about my self. This is largely intuitive and something that a person probably grows into -the 'coming into one's own' as people call it and it is done largely through trial and error. And when a person feels within them this sense of what can't be changed or in your case, what is something that was given to them, it is the same as losing shame. This is not the same as accepting defeat or giving in and not trying to effect any change, but it is losing sense of inferiority about things that one has no control over and as a result then, working to change what is possible. I think that this is when a person is at the best point to be able to do what they can about something: when they do not have shame, period.

Anyhow, I hope that you feel better. And perhaps there is a cure for your physical problem out there or soon to come.

 

[Tryin]

Wish I could do something to help you, Appletree. It's hard when you don't feel understood and supported by people around you. Of course. But please, please honey, try to be your own friend, try to understand yourself and support yourself (when noone else is able to). Tryin' is so damn hard, but please try to keep it up.



Be happy (damn it). Nothing is more important then that.
Be happy Appletree. You deserve it. Really you do.

 

[Marlene]

Hy, i also sweat so much!! So i understand you completly, i understand
the shame and the selfhartred. I dont want anybody to see my sweat
going thru my shirt. I have been hiding it for a long time now from others
and feel like this is just another reason for being unworthy as a person.
I try to work on my feelings but it is so hard, because i also feel like a
wirdo. I only wear black and white clothes, and make sure that i can hide
the sweat staints.
You are defintely not alone in this!!!!!!!!!