I don't like committing to plans without knowing all the details

PhantomPod

Well-known member
Every time someone asks me if I want to do something, I have a million questions that I want to know the answers to before I say "yes." But often times, I never ask those questions cause most people think you're odd for playing 20 questions like that, so it's much easier to just say "no" to whatever plans someone has. Do others get like this?

Today my supervisor at work asked if I would like to join him and two others from our company on their client visit in the city tomorrow. Now, I knew that they were having this client visit, because I overheard my supervisor talking about it, but I wasn't on the email chain discussing where the meeting was and when and what info did they have to go over. So, I was honestly doing a happy dance because it seemed that I didn't have to go. But today, last minute, my supervisor just asked if I'd like to join them.

I was about ready to grill him with all these questions like: Are you driving into the city? Are the others driving in with you or taking separate cars? Can I get a ride with you (I don't drive in the city and am not familiar with the area)? What are you wearing? Who is going to be there? Are you getting lunch? What is being discussed at the meeting? Do I have to talk about anything specific regarding work?

I did just say no and that I'd rather just stay in the office tomorrow and he asked if I was sure, so then I did try asking him if he was driving in and what was going to be discussed at the meeting, but he just said yeah that he was driving in and didn't really offer up any other details, so I didn't bother asking my 20 other questions. So, I did tell him that I'd rather just sit this one out and he said it was no problem.

I always get like this though. I like to know every detail about an event before I agree to go, because I want to know what to expect. I almost feel like if I was on the email chain from the start where they were discussing the meeting, I wouldn't feel so uneasy about it cause I'd have an idea about who would be there and what had to be discussed. But whatever, I am glad that I don't have to go because I don't want to get dressed in business attire and, more importantly, because I am an awkward human being who has no social skills.
 

market.garden

Well-known member
I kinda know what you mean. I can never say yes straight off the bat if someone asks me to go somewhere without any warning. I always need a good while to think about it and mentally prepare for going out.

I don't feel like I have to ask a lot of questions like you mentioned you did, but in the same way, the idea of going somewhere without knowing exactly what I'm getting into puts me off saying yes straight away.

I think being kept in the loop so to speak certainly helps, like the email chain you mentioned. It's happened to me at work before - you kinda feel like everyone else is at an advantage because they were in on it before you.
 

PhantomPod

Well-known member
Yeah, I'm like you, as in, even if I don't have a lot of questions to ask, I at least need time to think about it instead of saying yes right away.

Just today my mom asked me if I wanted to go see a musical with her and she was acting as if she was all ready to buy the tickets right then and there and I was like, "ok, let me just think about it for a bit..." I just don't like making quick decisions, I guess.
 

market.garden

Well-known member
Yep. I think it's quite a natural thing not to want to feel rushed into things, but for people with anxiety issues, you just need a little more time to mentally digest it first.

Most of the time if I'm asked to go somewhere, like the pub for example, it's a place where I've been a million times before and somewhere where I know what to expect, but I still have to take the time to break it down in my head and come to a decision in my own time.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I am the opposite.
I can't handle anticipatory anxiety, so I would rather not talk about ANY details before I do something.
I am good at going with the flow/being impulsive - terrible at making plans or following them exactly.

My sister is a control freak and prefers to know all details about everything months in advance and if something happens that wasn't in the plan she has a mental breakdown.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
I like having plans.

But on the other hand you can have my family, who spend hours planning and organising, forcing me to give inputs and then doing whatever they want afterwards.
 

Lea

Banned
I am like this too definitely, but only in certain situations, esp. regarding work. With traveling for example I am fairly the opposite, I don´t like to plan much because I wouldn´t get anywhere... You have to act according to what happens along the way, so that precise planning is counterproductive.

What regards work, I think I can be overwhelming and even annoying with my questioning, I want to know exactly what I am letting myself into. But I know many people hate being asked too many questions, so I learned not to ask too much and just expect.. ATM there is one situation ahead though where I will have to grill that man into precise answers, to make sure he is not a scammer which he likely is but I have no choice so I will probably take the risk.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Yeah, I'm like you, as in, even if I don't have a lot of questions to ask, I at least need time to think about it instead of saying yes right away.

Just today my mom asked me if I wanted to go see a musical with her and she was acting as if she was all ready to buy the tickets right then and there and I was like, "ok, let me just think about it for a bit..." I just don't like making quick decisions, I guess.

Me too, I need to think a lot before making any decision. Even the simplest issues.
 
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