coloradogirl
New member
Hi. I'm a teenage girl and I've had a lot pent up for a long time, and I really needed a place to vent and maybe get some advice anonymously. Sorry if I ramble or whatever, I just had an anxiety attack and I really need to let this out. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to go, it's just the first place Google showed me. Sorry if it's not and sorry if I'm just cluttering up your forum.
Anyway.
I know this seems melodramatic, but trust me, everyone I know hates me. I've developed social anxiety and depression over the past few years because everywhere I turn, someone new suddenly hates me. I'll recount the stories.
A couple years ago I went to a program for people with mental disorders when I was first developing mine. I met quite a few friends there. One girl asked where I lived and when I told her, she told me that she hung out with lots of people in my neighborhood. The next day she told me that she asked one of the boys she knew if he knew of me. Apparently, I'm the girl he always has to "stand up for" because everyone makes fun of me.
This is a lie. I've actually heard him make fun of me before.
A few years ago I had to drop out of my history class because I would get picked on by a large group of people every single day. A few of these people were my friends in middle school, and I simply didn't talk to them for a while. They'd throw stuff at me and make a joke out of everything I did, from simply rolling up a paper or pulling out my phone to check the time or asking to go to the bathroom. The student teacher wouldnt do anything to stop it, so I went to the principal. She wrote an email to the teacher and said the actual teacher would make sure it stopped happening and keep my identity anonymous. Instead the actual teacher just had the student teacher make a speech and although she never said my name, they all knew it was me. And believe me, it didn't make it stop. Even after I dropped out, whenever I passed these people in the hallway they'd make noises to make fun of me and if when I tried to stand up for myself, I got mocked.
When my best friend and I were 13 she lost her virginity. I was shocked and scared and needed to talk to my parents because I didn't know what to think. I let it slip to her, and that was my mistake. She went on a rant about how terrible of a person I was and how I had no friends. I wouldn't even bring this up but this wasn't the first time someone made fun of me for not having friends. In school any time I'd try to stand up for someone else the person would tell me to shut up because my opinion didn't matter because no one liked me.
There was a time when I didn't go to school for a while. I lost touch with my best friends. I started going to school again and they texted me to hang out with them. I did, and we had a blast. I hung out with them at school too. Then one day, I decided to look through one of their Facebook profiles. On one of the pictures they were making fun of me and talking about how fat and ugly I was.
About a month ago a girl I had no problems with before posted a candid photo she took of me and a caption where she was making fun of me. I literally just stumbled across it. It had got fifteen likes. Fifteen.
And then there's other things. I can just tell. People I used to be friends with were very short with me and sounded very annoyed whenever I ask them the simplest of questions. I even got told by someone I thought was my friend to stop trying to talk to a girl I also thought was my friend because said girl doesn't like me. It was uncalled for and humiliating since she said it in front of a group of people that laughed.
And whenever I tried to make friends, they'd ask me why this person or that person is trying to get them to stop being friends with me. I mean, I even remember distinctly getting on the bus first in middle school because I had no one to socialize with like everyone else and hearing people make fun of me without knowing I was on the bus already.
I can't even have a voicemail account set up because I got too many prank messages on it and I have to lie to my family that I just "don't like having to listen to them". It was either that or change my number, the latter of which would be too time consuming. And they found my number the first time, so they'll probably find it if I try to change it anyway.
I'm sorry if this is confusing or vague or whatever.
I just feel really worthless. My parents aren't there to support me, my dad just stopped abusing me because I've called family services a few times and they've warned him to stop, and my mom just isn't around. I don't want to tell my other family because I'm ashamed of this. I've transferred schools and I REALLY don't fit in in my new school, but everyone's nice enough. I just don't really have much common ground to get close to people. I just have one year left and I feel safe enough there that I can graduate and leave this town behind. But now that I stumble across people making fun of me out of nowhere online it hurts even more. I've deleted all my online social networking accounts now, but it still follows me. Just recently I got a call from someone I always got along with and they claimed I was "stalking" them and they made up all kinds of fake "proof" against me.
No matter what I do, I can't get away from it. I don't even know how to make friends to get my mind off of it. I'm so afraid they'll turn on me as soon as they find me annoying like everyone else has.
I just don't know how I'm ever going to develop any confidence and I don't know how to get away from all of this. Hell, I don't even know what I did. Sorry for rambling, again.
Thanks.
Anyway.
I know this seems melodramatic, but trust me, everyone I know hates me. I've developed social anxiety and depression over the past few years because everywhere I turn, someone new suddenly hates me. I'll recount the stories.
A couple years ago I went to a program for people with mental disorders when I was first developing mine. I met quite a few friends there. One girl asked where I lived and when I told her, she told me that she hung out with lots of people in my neighborhood. The next day she told me that she asked one of the boys she knew if he knew of me. Apparently, I'm the girl he always has to "stand up for" because everyone makes fun of me.
This is a lie. I've actually heard him make fun of me before.
A few years ago I had to drop out of my history class because I would get picked on by a large group of people every single day. A few of these people were my friends in middle school, and I simply didn't talk to them for a while. They'd throw stuff at me and make a joke out of everything I did, from simply rolling up a paper or pulling out my phone to check the time or asking to go to the bathroom. The student teacher wouldnt do anything to stop it, so I went to the principal. She wrote an email to the teacher and said the actual teacher would make sure it stopped happening and keep my identity anonymous. Instead the actual teacher just had the student teacher make a speech and although she never said my name, they all knew it was me. And believe me, it didn't make it stop. Even after I dropped out, whenever I passed these people in the hallway they'd make noises to make fun of me and if when I tried to stand up for myself, I got mocked.
When my best friend and I were 13 she lost her virginity. I was shocked and scared and needed to talk to my parents because I didn't know what to think. I let it slip to her, and that was my mistake. She went on a rant about how terrible of a person I was and how I had no friends. I wouldn't even bring this up but this wasn't the first time someone made fun of me for not having friends. In school any time I'd try to stand up for someone else the person would tell me to shut up because my opinion didn't matter because no one liked me.
There was a time when I didn't go to school for a while. I lost touch with my best friends. I started going to school again and they texted me to hang out with them. I did, and we had a blast. I hung out with them at school too. Then one day, I decided to look through one of their Facebook profiles. On one of the pictures they were making fun of me and talking about how fat and ugly I was.
About a month ago a girl I had no problems with before posted a candid photo she took of me and a caption where she was making fun of me. I literally just stumbled across it. It had got fifteen likes. Fifteen.
And then there's other things. I can just tell. People I used to be friends with were very short with me and sounded very annoyed whenever I ask them the simplest of questions. I even got told by someone I thought was my friend to stop trying to talk to a girl I also thought was my friend because said girl doesn't like me. It was uncalled for and humiliating since she said it in front of a group of people that laughed.
And whenever I tried to make friends, they'd ask me why this person or that person is trying to get them to stop being friends with me. I mean, I even remember distinctly getting on the bus first in middle school because I had no one to socialize with like everyone else and hearing people make fun of me without knowing I was on the bus already.
I can't even have a voicemail account set up because I got too many prank messages on it and I have to lie to my family that I just "don't like having to listen to them". It was either that or change my number, the latter of which would be too time consuming. And they found my number the first time, so they'll probably find it if I try to change it anyway.
I'm sorry if this is confusing or vague or whatever.
I just feel really worthless. My parents aren't there to support me, my dad just stopped abusing me because I've called family services a few times and they've warned him to stop, and my mom just isn't around. I don't want to tell my other family because I'm ashamed of this. I've transferred schools and I REALLY don't fit in in my new school, but everyone's nice enough. I just don't really have much common ground to get close to people. I just have one year left and I feel safe enough there that I can graduate and leave this town behind. But now that I stumble across people making fun of me out of nowhere online it hurts even more. I've deleted all my online social networking accounts now, but it still follows me. Just recently I got a call from someone I always got along with and they claimed I was "stalking" them and they made up all kinds of fake "proof" against me.
No matter what I do, I can't get away from it. I don't even know how to make friends to get my mind off of it. I'm so afraid they'll turn on me as soon as they find me annoying like everyone else has.
I just don't know how I'm ever going to develop any confidence and I don't know how to get away from all of this. Hell, I don't even know what I did. Sorry for rambling, again.
Thanks.