I don't know where else to go.

[coloradogirl]

Hi. I'm a teenage girl and I've had a lot pent up for a long time, and I really needed a place to vent and maybe get some advice anonymously. Sorry if I ramble or whatever, I just had an anxiety attack and I really need to let this out. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to go, it's just the first place Google showed me. Sorry if it's not and sorry if I'm just cluttering up your forum.
Anyway.
I know this seems melodramatic, but trust me, everyone I know hates me. I've developed social anxiety and depression over the past few years because everywhere I turn, someone new suddenly hates me. I'll recount the stories.

A couple years ago I went to a program for people with mental disorders when I was first developing mine. I met quite a few friends there. One girl asked where I lived and when I told her, she told me that she hung out with lots of people in my neighborhood. The next day she told me that she asked one of the boys she knew if he knew of me. Apparently, I'm the girl he always has to "stand up for" because everyone makes fun of me.
This is a lie. I've actually heard him make fun of me before.

A few years ago I had to drop out of my history class because I would get picked on by a large group of people every single day. A few of these people were my friends in middle school, and I simply didn't talk to them for a while. They'd throw stuff at me and make a joke out of everything I did, from simply rolling up a paper or pulling out my phone to check the time or asking to go to the bathroom. The student teacher wouldnt do anything to stop it, so I went to the principal. She wrote an email to the teacher and said the actual teacher would make sure it stopped happening and keep my identity anonymous. Instead the actual teacher just had the student teacher make a speech and although she never said my name, they all knew it was me. And believe me, it didn't make it stop. Even after I dropped out, whenever I passed these people in the hallway they'd make noises to make fun of me and if when I tried to stand up for myself, I got mocked.

When my best friend and I were 13 she lost her virginity. I was shocked and scared and needed to talk to my parents because I didn't know what to think. I let it slip to her, and that was my mistake. She went on a rant about how terrible of a person I was and how I had no friends. I wouldn't even bring this up but this wasn't the first time someone made fun of me for not having friends. In school any time I'd try to stand up for someone else the person would tell me to shut up because my opinion didn't matter because no one liked me.

There was a time when I didn't go to school for a while. I lost touch with my best friends. I started going to school again and they texted me to hang out with them. I did, and we had a blast. I hung out with them at school too. Then one day, I decided to look through one of their Facebook profiles. On one of the pictures they were making fun of me and talking about how fat and ugly I was.

About a month ago a girl I had no problems with before posted a candid photo she took of me and a caption where she was making fun of me. I literally just stumbled across it. It had got fifteen likes. Fifteen.

And then there's other things. I can just tell. People I used to be friends with were very short with me and sounded very annoyed whenever I ask them the simplest of questions. I even got told by someone I thought was my friend to stop trying to talk to a girl I also thought was my friend because said girl doesn't like me. It was uncalled for and humiliating since she said it in front of a group of people that laughed.

And whenever I tried to make friends, they'd ask me why this person or that person is trying to get them to stop being friends with me. I mean, I even remember distinctly getting on the bus first in middle school because I had no one to socialize with like everyone else and hearing people make fun of me without knowing I was on the bus already.

I can't even have a voicemail account set up because I got too many prank messages on it and I have to lie to my family that I just "don't like having to listen to them". It was either that or change my number, the latter of which would be too time consuming. And they found my number the first time, so they'll probably find it if I try to change it anyway.

I'm sorry if this is confusing or vague or whatever.

I just feel really worthless. My parents aren't there to support me, my dad just stopped abusing me because I've called family services a few times and they've warned him to stop, and my mom just isn't around. I don't want to tell my other family because I'm ashamed of this. I've transferred schools and I REALLY don't fit in in my new school, but everyone's nice enough. I just don't really have much common ground to get close to people. I just have one year left and I feel safe enough there that I can graduate and leave this town behind. But now that I stumble across people making fun of me out of nowhere online it hurts even more. I've deleted all my online social networking accounts now, but it still follows me. Just recently I got a call from someone I always got along with and they claimed I was "stalking" them and they made up all kinds of fake "proof" against me.
No matter what I do, I can't get away from it. I don't even know how to make friends to get my mind off of it. I'm so afraid they'll turn on me as soon as they find me annoying like everyone else has.

I just don't know how I'm ever going to develop any confidence and I don't know how to get away from all of this. Hell, I don't even know what I did. Sorry for rambling, again.
Thanks.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

You didn't do anything wrong. It's their problem, not yours.

To escape this, you're going to need a change of scenery. For starters, I would suggest getting out of that house as quickly as you can. You and I can tell from experience, but abusive parents aren't good company. Try to find a job somewhere, maybe even far away from your city if you have a car.

You also need to tell someone about this. You can't deal with this alone; it would be extremely stressful at the very least. Besides, if you can tell random strangers about your problems, then your family should be no problem, right?

If anyone harasses you, then threaten legal services. Even in that case with the accused "stalking".

Now, we're going to help build you up. You've got friends right here. We've all been through something similar to what you've been through, so I highly doubt that anyone here will mistreat you.

Welcome to the forum coloradogirl. You aren't worthless by any means. If you ever need someone to talk to, then I'm usually on here every day, but you can also speak to anyone else here. I'll even be your friend, if you'll accept me. I hope to see more of you on here and I hope that you get the happy ending you deserve.

 

[SoScared]

Hi coloradogirl and welcome to the forum…

 

[Duzmiu]

Hi and welcome to the forums, sorry to hear that this is happening to you its terrible...and i couldnt agree more with what Deadmanwalking said, your not worthless. its there fault not yours and if you ever need someone to talk we're here

 

[Feathers]

Hi Coloradogirl! & Welcome!

oh gosh, I was really shocked to hear about the bullying and such that you had to put up with, yeah, cyber bullying can be a big problem these days too... I think there's info online about it too, and stuff you can do etc. Yeah, just google it, 'cyber bullying' - there's support and what you can do etc.

Statistics can be somewhat shocking: Cyber Bullying Statistics - Bullying Statistics

Despite the potential damage of cyber bullying, it is alarmingly common among adolescents and teens. According to Cyber bullying statistics from the i-SAFE foundation:

* Over half of adolescents and teens have been bullied online, and about the same number have engaged in cyber bullying.
* More than 1 in 3 young people have experienced cyberthreats online.
* Over 25 percent of adolescents and teens have been bullied repeatedly through their cell phones or the Internet.
* Well over half of young people do not tell their parents when cyber bullying occurs.

So you're not the only one, there have been others with the same or similar problems and there are also people & organisations willing to help!!

Sorry to hear that your teacher/s in the past didn't know how to deal with this either... You know in teacher education there is very little about what to do in such cases, there are many experimental approaches, some teachers may be more equipped to deal with this due to natural charisma or being an authority figure, personal background or personal interest in this, some may read the most recent research and info... and some may simply not have time for it or don't know these things exist!

Some go to seminars and read books/websites about this, some schools have school-wide approaches, some don't... Some teachers can be overwhelmed with other things, and/or may just try to 'wing it' (and can then do more damage without meaning to yeah..) In such a case it would maybe be good to go to school psychologist/counsellor (if there's a good one) or try to find some independent support/counselling.. those websites on cyberbullying etc might be helpful for that.

I'd highly doubt that 'everyone' would hate you, it may sure feel that way right now though, yeah... Some new people might be happy to give you a chance to be your friend, it's good to be careful with your data and contact numbers etc though yeah (there's some info on the anti cyberbullying websites too..) It can be good to not have your real name online too...
I am in no way connected to any of the sites and just googled them up, they seemed helpful...

The websites have info for parents and educators too, so it might be helpful to point any teachers or psychologist/counsellors there too (after you read to make sure the info there would be helpful) I only quickly took a look..

If you google 'facebook bullying' you get a lot of info and articles too... (other people have experienced this too!!) And there are tools to report such cases or prevent people from tagging you in photos etc. http://mashable.com/2011/03/10/facebook-anti-bullying/
(You can also put it in your settings that no one can 'tag' you in photos)

It could be helpful if your 'friend' on fb is any concerned parent or a trustworthy teacher or counsellor? How to Stop Bullying on Facebook | eHow.com (Some teachers friend students too, some don't, you could take a look if any good/friendly teachers have other students as 'friends'?)

There have been even lawsuits about this! Teen Sues Over Facebook Bullying | Threat Level | Wired.com

This seems somewhat inspiring too: 25 years after bullying, Facebook poem prompts Class of 1987 to make amends - U.S. News

If any of your former bullies plan to succeed in business or politics, you can also use any of this against them? So keep track of the things, maybe keep screenshots or any other evidence... (to show a counsellor or police or maybe later on for a lawsuit if necessary...?)
This site says to keep track of any 'evidence' www.cyberbullying.org
If they will be trying to apply for a scholarship or such, this won't look good on their 'resume' either??

Take care & hope things get better!! Know we are with you and try to find some supportive adults in RL too!! (and on those websites, or any other helpful antibullying websites!) Some states apparently need laws to be changed, and only together a big amount of people can change that!!
(I briefly googled 'colorado facebook bullying', apparently other people have had a problem with that and apparently some steps have been taken, at least in theory/strategy, not sure how it is in 'practice' yet?)

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Hoju]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a tough time. There are echoes of familiarity with my own high school experience, so I feel for you. You certainly didn't do anything wrong, or anything to deserve that kind of treatment. People can be such jerks at that age - some of them grow up and grow out of it, others don't and become even bigger jerks as adults. They really are losers if they've got nothing better to do with their time.

It sounds like you're closer to your other family - is it possible to confide in them? You really don't have anything to be ashamed of for being picked on. It's the people who are giving you grief who should be deeply, deeply ashamed.

The less-forgiving part of me would say that as far as the people who you thought were your friends are concerned, screw them - they're certainly not worth your time, so you'd be better off cutting your losses and not having anything to do with them. If they can see that the way that they're treating you is provoking a response, they'll just keep on doing it. If you don't interact/acknowledge them, they should get tired of it pretty quickly and move on. Probably easier said than done, being at school I guess.

I'm not sure if that was of any help, just my 2c. Know that you're not alone!

 

[Meggy0001]

I went though something like that but not as bad as your experience and for that I am sorry. What I would suggest is finish your year and graduate and then after that live the town and never look back, that is what I am doing I have one year left too and I am moving miles away and having a fresh start.

Also, never think that there is something wrong with you because there isn't these people just don't appriciate who you are and for that you really shouldn't want to be friends with them because they are really not worth your time

Talking to someone actually helps I didn't do it for a while and once I did it felt like I wasn't alone and it made it more bearable, so see if you can find someone you can trust. Also, don't let this experience affect your life, don't be afraid too make friends not everyone you meet will treat you as badly as your previous friends