I don't know what to do anymore?

[Jowey]

Let me just start by saying that I'm confused as ever right now in life, and to make that even worse I'm going through what I can say is a social phobia related problem.

Basically, I'm 19 years old right now and at this current moment in time I have no friends, no friends online and none offline. I feel like I've controlled my life the total wrong way and this has led me to the point I'm currently in. I was always shy and quiet, I had a problem with girls during school and I actually never had a full-length conversation with a girl until a few years in high school. I came to take over my shyness around girls, but I had problems with keeping a conversation going and I would act weird in conversations and usually just go quiet. This was a problem with everyone in my life, with my family I could act weird to end a conversation and this was somewhat of a normality to them since I've grew up around them obviously, but with my extended family it's the exact same and with friends in the past it has been the same. A conversation is a major challenge for me and I get very nervous or anxious when going in to one. You may think I'm weird, well I am right now and I want to change that.. I've made friends online and my conversations online with people on games and such don't get anywhere, I've played roleplay games to try and improve my social skills but I basically speak how I talk so I'm just as nervous as in real-life. With friends online I've been in Skype chats and I've prepped myself up to speak to them, but I just kind of get really nervous when they want to voice chat, and I gulp a lot and find myself in a really tough situation.

Let me get onto the real question now that I've gone through my problems. I left college two years ago now and I'm working, but other than work I do nothing but play games online. I come home from work and go upstairs to my computer and I don't go down unless it's for food and drink and that's my daily routine usually on repeat. I want to move on with my life, I'm getting to the age in life where I should be making big decisions for myself but I'm too scared to move forward and more importantly I don't know how I can move forward myself. I've looked into making some offline friends online, I've looked for groups with hobbies that I can attend but everything is too far and I don't have the neccessary travel to make it to the places that interest me. Sometime last year it clicked into my head that I was actually a really lonely guy, and this got me the most down that I've been in the whole two years and I'm not a very emotional guy but I cried to myself and then after just carried on like everything was normal. I really do want out of this life and I want to go for my dreams, I want to be somebody that my family can be proud of but I really don't know where I can start. All I want is a friend that I can talk too, hang around with and I would like a girlfriend who I can spend time with, live my life with but I'm not going to get anywhere if I'm still a scared little man in his room still playing games on his computer every single night for more years to come.

So finally onto the question, somebody must be living with the same kind of problems that I have, is there anybody living something similar here on these forums? What can I do to take a step forward? Please give me the confidence I need to move on to a better life. I decided that this year I will change how I am and I don't think I can do this on my own.

Thanks for reading and I await some nice replies (hopefully).

 

[bsammy]

well you are at the age when the vast majority of people are looking to add to their social circle, so thats a plus...

you enjoy videogames but what else do you enjoy?most people would say just go out and volunteer or join a club even if you dont enjoy it but ive tried these things, it didnt work..i needed to do a hobby in which i enjoyed that also had like-minded people to socialize with..so, u need to find out which hobbies u enjoy outside of videogames and check into local sports clubs or leagues... maybe some kind of other group, im not sure whats all out there but making new friends is all about being around people on a constant basis where socializing isnt the main focus..there has to be something close by you can join but its difficult when you dont have a buddy to join up with you...

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

you sound like me at 19. I felt alone and began online dating and it didn't go well. I decided to just stop dating for awhile. I'd watch lots of anime and had 2 friends but 1 way away at college and the other was busy a lot. I didn't hang out or really talk to anyone at work either. This lasted for about 2 years of the same schedule and it's improved now. Don't worry too much. You could ask someone from work to play a videogames with you maybe. I also did babysitting and animal sitting which made me feel less lonely.

 

[Fighter86]

My life at 19, except I didn't even have a job. I just read or surf the net all day, in fact had this life for a number of years. I am not sure what advice to give but a job or study is always good because then the opportunity to mingle and then make friends is there. Slowly you ll feel hope, thats what I did. I mean I don't have friends per say but at least I got some social interaction through work and earned some money.

 

[Opaline]

Hahahahahha. You're complaining about having a job to go home and play video games?


Wow.

And you're mocking someone for being unhappy with his lack of social life on Social Phobia World? He has the right to his feelings. Just having a job doesn't make someone happy, nor having free time. Human connection matters for happiness.

 

[w*n*c*a*m]

The good news is that you're 19 years old and you're starting to realize all these things about you. I think that's a good start. I can't give a specific advice coz I believe that as long as you keep on exploring you'll eventually find a way to get through all this.

All I can tell is I was so much like you and presently I have improved a lot compared to when I was 19. I still have SA, I'm still very awkward with people especially with my colleagues. I still have very few friends whom I rarely see due to busy schedule and distance. But little things like greeting acquaintances, going outside, calling on the phone, etc. I can do it now maybe still anxious but atleast I can pull it off better than before.

All I'm saying is that you're 19 and by the way you speak, and you're awareness of these things happening to you... I am pretty sure that you'll improve. Someday, when you get older like in your late 20's maybe... you'll think about your 19 year old self and realize how much you have progressed.

It'll be a sloooow journey so be patient.

 

[Luka]

I feel exactly the same way. Except I study at home for 5 days a week - basically isolated from my school friends (I used to attend regular school). Then on the weekend I go to work and my week just resets and it starts over, it feels like such a drag really. I'm pretty lonely and to fill up my time I generally just play games. I do talk to some of my friends on social networks but it doesn't feel the same as having personal contact. I definitely understand why you feel so alone because it's difficult to break out of the shell. Just one question, is your job a career you'd like to pursue? Or are you not really happy with it? I think the best way to start being happy is just take it one step at a time. You say you want to start making big decisions but I say just start off with the little things! Anyway, sorry I'm not too much help, I'm pretty much in a similar situation and similar age to you >.<

 

[dannyboy65]

I too am in the same cycle. I have friends but I never hangout with them. I go to college do my work and go home. When I go home I go right to my room and play video games. I'm beating it though, I cut my video games to only weekend or holiday things. On school nights I usually just watch netflix or on occasion play a game but I try to cut back.

 

[sorrow1]

I find I always enjoy video games more with a friend. It can be a social activity but with no pressure like sitting and chatting as your engaged in something and can be a right laugh.
I have never tried this but have you ever considered going to any gaming conventions and multiplayer events. It might be a great way to meet people in the same boat as yourself and build up your social skills along the way. It'll be a nice trip if you have to travel for it and youll feel good for having gone out and done something different plus the people you meet there you can add as friends online and game with and chat online.
It might be a starting point to meeting people in different places.