i dont know what to do anymore

[doubleM]

i just want to give up on life. i feel like im set on this one path in life and im going to grow old and die alone. i was always taught to be kind to people and thats what i have always done. im a very polite, selfless person in real life, not a doormat, just not selfish. yet, i find conflict, rejection, and hate everywhere i go. i dont expect everybody to like me, but i dont understand why everybody i meet seems to dislike me in someway.
the internet tends to be my emotional garbage can, so i often rant about stuff and say angry things. im not that way at all in real life. i think i may be a highly sensitive person because things bother me for days.
im considering quitting college because my grades have suffered and i cant make any friends or have any social life there. im on the brink of failure anyway. so whats the point? i cant go on feeling like this everyday trying to do work. the people there seem so arrogant and hypocritical to me.
im tired of being alone. women have always ran away from me and i just cant understand it. im not ugly, im not an idiot. not understanding that for years and years has made me deeply angry and bitter toward them. people dont understand what that does to a person over time. if 5 women reject you, you can get over it. after like 1000 women reject you, you start to hate yourself.

i talk to my parents about my issues. they are very religious, so all they really do is quote the bible at me and say condemning things. they dont even believe in my problem. that has really hurt me, because they wont even try to understand. i always feel terrible if i dont have their support. ive really come into conflict with those beliefs because of what has happened. religion just makes me feel worse.
recently ive turned to recreational drugs. nothing bad just something to help me cope with stress. something i thought i would never do.
maybe im just overly sensitive to life. i think that perception of things is important. but this? i dont know how to get over it. people are not born angry, it happens to them over time. then again maybe its all my fault, maybe i dont deserve anything. who knows.
i feel like no one understands, theres no hope, and i want to end it.

 

[twiggle]

but i dont understand why everybody i meet seems to dislike me in someway.

Well, whilst we haven't technically 'met', from the times we've chatted, I don't understand either. You seem like a pretty likeable person to me.

i think i may be a highly sensitive person because things bother me for days.

I think this is the problem, and I relate to it a lot. It seems to me that you expect people act a particular way towards you. So do I. I guess each of us have our own perceptions on how people should act etc, and there's nothing wrong with that, but we have to keep those perceptions flexible because everybody thinks differently. 7 billion people on the planet = 7 billion different opinions about what's right/what's wrong to say and do. The chances are that most of the time people will act in ways which we don't fully understand. Maybe the only thing to understand is that 'we can't understand.' If we are too rigid in our expectations about how people should act we increase the chances of being disappointed. I doubt that all those people truly dislike you, it's just that the way they act towards you doesn't correlate with your expectations, and so you get sensitive about it.

Maybe the trick is just to relax a bit, you know you try your best with people and that's half the battle. That's all you can do, eventually you WILL meet people you connect with. In the meantime focus on your studies instead because those are what is going to help you in the longer term. Focusing on your studies will take your mind off everything else, too.

Chin up

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Have you ever considered trying group therapy?
I think that having a support network is very important and right now, you don't have that at all.

I can't really say much else. I feel hopeless pretty much all the time; just continue to drift through life doing nothing at all... and it's not fun.
So, I do empathize with you.
So sorry this is what you're going through.

 

[Nathália]

Hmm, I never got an angry person from you. I may have disagreed with you once, but I still think you seem like you're a nice person despite agreements or disagreements. I don't know why. It is not fair but, please don't do something damaging to yourself. I can see why you're stressed, I agree with WeirdyMcGee. Try finding support groups, programs where you can connect to people, if you need help finding it people on here can give you resources, a school counselor can give you resources to help find support groups a programs for you. I rarely connected with people during any type of schooling. I found a few people in after school programs. It's harder to meet people during the school day especially if you're an introvert IMO because people are worried about getting from one class to another, etc, it's not easy. There are good people. I can't wait until this semester is over for you, I want to come out with the balloons and cake when it is, because it's been really stressing you out. When you are less overwhelmed with school, I think you should venture out this summer. I'm trying because I'm an agoraphobe tired of hibernation, I'm sitting out more. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with school, it's very hard to relax when you're thinking about work. Go and get as much help as you can. Washing your problems away with drugs are only going to create more issues. What kind of recreational drug are you doing? Sorry if I'm asking too much. I don't want it to seem like I'm bashing you. I want to try to help. There are people out in the world that understand you, I'm surprised I'm still alive today because I didn't know what this was and nor did other people. We all need a shoulder to lean on, I hope the best for you.