I don't even know what to write anymore

dannyboy65

Well-known member
I feel the desire worse and worse day by day. I lose who I am, I don't know who I am. Everyone I've gotten to know, the friends, everyone. I feel like pushing them away, I feel like I will end up hurting them in the end. My best friend is the closest person I have in my life, yet I want him to leave so I won't hurt him in the end. He deserves a better friend, one that isn't so selfish.

The more I think of it, death doesn't scare me as much as it used to. I say I want help and I say I'll get help, but I don't think I will get it as much as I want it. I don't want to go back to that damn hospital, I'd rather die. I have a higher dose of medicine now, but I don't know how it will work.

I really want to tell my life coach but I feel like I can't because I will end up back in that damn hospital. I know he doesn't want me there but it's his job to send me there. I didn't tell my doctor about it just for this reason. I'm pathetic, I have so many people that care and I'm to scared to get the help I need.

I'm sorry for wasting your time if you read this.
 
He deserves a better friend, one that isn't so selfish.

I'm pathetic

I'm sorry for wasting your time if you read this.

Stop bringing yourself down, you sound like everything is too good for you and that you don't deserve anything.

Doing some work on yourself is the only thing you can do, you should try practicing sports and listening to more music, and keeping a routine that you might find relaxing.

If you want to avoid medicine that's the only realistic thing you can do, unless there is some magician out there that could reprogram your brains instantly...
It's all in your head, you just have to convince yourself, you won't change your way of thinking instantaneously, you can trigger that gradual change with physical activities.

Hang in there buddy!
Believe in yourself and be patient, everything is going to be alright.
 
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dannyboy65

Well-known member
Stop bringing yourself down, you sound like everything is too good for you and that you don't deserve anything.

Doing some work on yourself is the only thing you can do, you should try practicing sports and listening to more music, and keeping a routine that you might find relaxing.

If you want to avoid medicine that's the only realistic thing you can do, unless there is some magician out there that could reprogram your brains instantly...
It's all in your head, you just have to convince yourself, you won't change your way of thinking instantaneously, you can trigger that gradual change with physical activities.

Hang in there buddy!
Believe in yourself and be patient, everything is going to be alright.

Thank you. My best friend talked to me for 30 minutes on the phone and helped me feel better. I listen to lots of music and it helps. I've been experiencing bad anxiety too about everything that goes on and I just feel like I'm not good enough for people. I don't know I go from feeling like shit to happy or angry I just wish I could have better control of my emotions.
 

F0AM

Well-known member
Death solves nothing and leaving those you love behind solves nothing. That said, may i ask what's making you feel this way lately?

Would you call someone who volunteers, who is asked to spend time with another autistic boy because this one feels better when that person is around and someone who treats another's child as his own...selfish? i don't think so. You're having a bad time and need time to fix things (your things) that doesn't mean you're selfish, you must help yourself first in order to help others.

Did you share your feelings with your best friend? i'm sure he wouldn't like you to distance.

As Jungle said, if you don't want hospitals then you must work on it. It is now when you must be stronger, there are no magic wands to fix problems.
There was a time when you post your advances and you said you like to challenge yourself, why don't you do that again?

You're not alone Danny :)

BTW i won't forgive you for waisting 5 seconds of my life!!
 
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