I can't stay here anymore

[dannyboy65]

I want out I try living day by day, but I'm stuck in this place that feels like a prison. I haven't slept a full night in at least a month. I'm starting to lose my mind my girlfriend and life coach pointed out I'm off. I can't stay in here please I want out. Today I had enough of my little brother that I blacked out for a moment I put him down over powering him and screamed at him at the top of my lungs if I didn't leave I don't know what would have happened. I'm jealous of everyone being able to just get out and do stuff. I miss my girlfriend and our boy they have been the only thing holding me together. I feel like I'm going to breakdown but I can't. I'm desperate for an escape I want to stop hurting, I want to stop hurting others.... I've been fighting this battle for so long and I feel I'm losing... I'm sick of being a drama queen because of my depression. I'm tired of restless nights... I'm hurting more and more everyday... I tell myself I can make it to the 21st but it seems so far away I don't want to give up but I'm scared it'll be to late by then...

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I know this is my constant refrain around here, but it's the truth - you desperately need to express these feelings to a professional.

You've got a lot on you and your condition makes it seem a hundred times worse. PLUS, you're not sleeping, which is enough to stop anyone dead in their tracks. You reach a point where you just grind to a halt without sleep. If nothing else, go to your local urgent care center and tell them you can't get any Z's, and that you haven't had a decent night's sleep in a month. Maybe they'll give you a shot (I can't remember what it's called, damnit) and you'll catch up on some much-needed rest.

You've come a long way man, and you've done well, but you're going too hard, it's okay to take pit-stops here and there. Get some sleep and talk to your therapist about everything else, and don't sugar-coat it - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. :thumbup:

 

[Moses199]

I want out I try living day by day, but I'm stuck in this place that feels like a prison. I haven't slept a full night in at least a month. I'm starting to lose my mind my girlfriend and life coach pointed out I'm off. I can't stay in here please I want out. Today I had enough of my little brother that I blacked out for a moment I put him down over powering him and screamed at him at the top of my lungs if I didn't leave I don't know what would have happened. I'm jealous of everyone being able to just get out and do stuff. I miss my girlfriend and our boy they have been the only thing holding me together. I feel like I'm going to breakdown but I can't. I'm desperate for an escape I want to stop hurting, I want to stop hurting others.... I've been fighting this battle for so long and I feel I'm losing... I'm sick of being a drama queen because of my depression. I'm tired of restless nights... I'm hurting more and more everyday... I tell myself I can make it to the 21st but it seems so far away I don't want to give up but I'm scared it'll be to late by then...

I was hopeless too, but then read VIGIRUOS amounts of "how i overcame SA" threads that made me realize i can overcome this and i havn't been resourcfull of the amount of help on the net. I shocked me how in last 8 years i havn't even read a single self help book and never tried therapy. All that going change now, i dedicating my whole like to gaining knowledge through books and trying all therapies. Just go read ALOT of "how i overcame SA" threads and u will realize what you been doing wrong all your life.

 

[Stargirl]

I second Moses119's reply. There are so many people who overcome SA. Not just a little social anxiety, but severe social anxiety. I try to constantly remind myself that there are people out there, like me who are terribly anxious or have been terribly anxious.

One example would be Anna Clendening, a girl with an anxiety and depressive disorder - someone who was BEDRIDDEN from her crippling disorders. She went on America's Got Talent and beautifully sang "Hallelujah". You should watch it. It's beautifully chilling and moving. Watch her after she gets through the song - she is completely shaking. But she was amazing. People applauded her. I cannot imagine.

Maybe that's too big of an example though. I think it's important to look at examples of people you actually know. For instance, I work at a huge grocery store and we have a lot of managers we interact with several times throughout the day. Each of them are quite different, but I noticed that they aren't all perfectly confident. One of them is quite apologetic about everything, always trying to make sure everything is okay, making sure she hasn't offended anyone... Her being there actually makes me feel better I say to myself that it's okay if I act a bit anxious - heck one of the managers seems a bit anxious. It really reinforces to me that I'm perfectly normally and not everybody is the same.

One of my college professors also said she takes medication for anxiety (me and the whole class is really close to her. You'd have to know her). She cancelled class once and admitted to me that it was a mental health day. She's a prof. of education - she used to teach in middle school. I'm going into education too - and of course, because of my anxiety, I've really questioned if it was the right choice for me. But my professor has helped me see that nothing should stop you from pursuing your dreams Yes, we have bad days. Those are bad days, and SA or not, everybody has them. You are here to live for the good days. Even if they seem distant.

❝You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.❞ -Henry David Thoreau

I like that quote. I take it to mean that "waves" - the good things and happiness in your life aren't always plentiful. But when those waves do come, you should take advantage and thoroughly enjoy them.