dannyboy65
Well-known member
I'm running out of fight, I've been stuck in the house for a week. I don't remember when I last took my pills. I'm lost and alone, I feel weaker, and weaker everyday. It's gotten to the point where I struggle to even get up and walk I just don't have the energy. It hurts to talk, it hurts to look at people. I have been hanging out with friends on the outside I'm having fun and being positive, but on the inside I'm battling a fight that I'm losing. I can't sleep and when I do sleep it's only for about an hour or 2 and when I wake up I can't get up off my bed, I just stare at the wall and think for hours. I've been reading self help books, playing music, writing, talking to people, playing video games, going for walks, but none of it helps me. I thought feelings I battled in the past were bad. But this depression has been by far the worst I've ever experienced.
Sometimes it's not even depression, I have random bursts of extreme anger. I start yelling at myself and then bashing my head with all my might with my fist. I feel pathetic for writing on this forum because no one will ever understand what I feel.
I have moments where I will just sit in silence and the voices in my head will just yell at me, and I will be sitting there calmly and stare off into nothing. I thought I destroyed these horrors in my head but no, they came back like they always do. Yes before anyone says it I do have a therapist and I talk to him everyday. I feel like I know what most people will say, people will think I'm crazy. Yes I guess I am but with everything that's going on another label won't hurt me. I've been trying to reach out for help in every way I can. I am losing every bit of myself, and before you say this is because of my recent break up it's not, yes that made me depressed and doesn't help everything but I am still friends with her and you know what she is the only person holding me in this world right now. Because we are best friends and I don't care if people want to judge me for that, you can because what I do is my choice.
I'm angry, depressed, alone, and slowly losing myself. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm tired of looking for help. I'm writing this so I can spit every little ****ing thing in my head out.
Sometimes it's not even depression, I have random bursts of extreme anger. I start yelling at myself and then bashing my head with all my might with my fist. I feel pathetic for writing on this forum because no one will ever understand what I feel.
I have moments where I will just sit in silence and the voices in my head will just yell at me, and I will be sitting there calmly and stare off into nothing. I thought I destroyed these horrors in my head but no, they came back like they always do. Yes before anyone says it I do have a therapist and I talk to him everyday. I feel like I know what most people will say, people will think I'm crazy. Yes I guess I am but with everything that's going on another label won't hurt me. I've been trying to reach out for help in every way I can. I am losing every bit of myself, and before you say this is because of my recent break up it's not, yes that made me depressed and doesn't help everything but I am still friends with her and you know what she is the only person holding me in this world right now. Because we are best friends and I don't care if people want to judge me for that, you can because what I do is my choice.
I'm angry, depressed, alone, and slowly losing myself. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm tired of looking for help. I'm writing this so I can spit every little ****ing thing in my head out.
