SickCycleCarousel
Well-known member
I can't believe I'm panicking about this!! Help!?!?
For the past few days I have been wondering why my siblings don't hang out with me. Of course I know it's because I don't hang out with them. They smoke together and I myself quit a few years ago. For some sick reason I have it in my head that it's because they "like" each other. Ew. I have no idea why I thought that. Now this morning I woke up in complete terror that it's true. Ew. I can't even get my head straight right now I'm panicking so bad. But the thought was "omg my brother and sister don't like me, they only care about each other."
Why the *bleep* would I think that!?!?
I admit I have always been a bit envious of my sister...she's thinner than me..and she has more ambition than I do. I feel she's smarter than I am. She can definitely hold her own in an argument whereas I fall to pieces. Ugh. I don't know, but I can't shake it off.
I also admit that I don't exactly make it easy for them to like me. I am having...bodily...problems....I've been...menstruating for five years straight (I rarely stop - sometimes I get a day or two off then it starts again) but due to my anxiety about anyone seeing me "down there" I refuse to get it checked out. Anyway. Because of that problem I become easily irritated. I am quick to get angry. Needless to say I am just not very likable for pretty much of the time. So I know it's my fault they don't want to be around me.
I know I'm not excluded from anything. I could very well hang out with them whenever I want. (They're a couple years younger than me by the way; we're all in our 20s). I just choose not to because I feel inadequate or because they never want to do anything I want to do...or just a number of things.
I feel sick to my stomach that I am actually panicking about this. I know there's a logical explanation - like the one I just mentioned - but in my mind state right now I can barely see it.
I usually talk to my mom or sister about what I am panicking about I really don't think I could tell them this. I think I really need professional help right now. I don't have what it takes financially to see a therapist so I am pretty much stuck with this in my head for god knows how long.
Why do I have to obsess about this? I knew it was going to happen. Every time I heard them laughing and joking around and ugh...I don't know. I wished I was there but I felt like I couldn't be there or something. I don't know. I hate my brain. I feel so unclean. Ugh.
Sorry for the long post I needed to get this off my chest but I still feel sick and panicky. I don't know how to get this out of my head. Every time I think of something else my mind goes back to this. What is wrong with me?!?
My head is swimming with this crap and I am finding it so hard to shake it off. It (my head) feels better when I am typing but I don't want to write a novel lol. I apologize. I am just so disoriented I don't know what to do.
Again...what the *bleep* is wrong with me?!? I feel like a sick freak.
For the past few days I have been wondering why my siblings don't hang out with me. Of course I know it's because I don't hang out with them. They smoke together and I myself quit a few years ago. For some sick reason I have it in my head that it's because they "like" each other. Ew. I have no idea why I thought that. Now this morning I woke up in complete terror that it's true. Ew. I can't even get my head straight right now I'm panicking so bad. But the thought was "omg my brother and sister don't like me, they only care about each other."
Why the *bleep* would I think that!?!?
I admit I have always been a bit envious of my sister...she's thinner than me..and she has more ambition than I do. I feel she's smarter than I am. She can definitely hold her own in an argument whereas I fall to pieces. Ugh. I don't know, but I can't shake it off.
I also admit that I don't exactly make it easy for them to like me. I am having...bodily...problems....I've been...menstruating for five years straight (I rarely stop - sometimes I get a day or two off then it starts again) but due to my anxiety about anyone seeing me "down there" I refuse to get it checked out. Anyway. Because of that problem I become easily irritated. I am quick to get angry. Needless to say I am just not very likable for pretty much of the time. So I know it's my fault they don't want to be around me.
I know I'm not excluded from anything. I could very well hang out with them whenever I want. (They're a couple years younger than me by the way; we're all in our 20s). I just choose not to because I feel inadequate or because they never want to do anything I want to do...or just a number of things.
I feel sick to my stomach that I am actually panicking about this. I know there's a logical explanation - like the one I just mentioned - but in my mind state right now I can barely see it.
I usually talk to my mom or sister about what I am panicking about I really don't think I could tell them this. I think I really need professional help right now. I don't have what it takes financially to see a therapist so I am pretty much stuck with this in my head for god knows how long.
Why do I have to obsess about this? I knew it was going to happen. Every time I heard them laughing and joking around and ugh...I don't know. I wished I was there but I felt like I couldn't be there or something. I don't know. I hate my brain. I feel so unclean. Ugh.
Sorry for the long post I needed to get this off my chest but I still feel sick and panicky. I don't know how to get this out of my head. Every time I think of something else my mind goes back to this. What is wrong with me?!?
My head is swimming with this crap and I am finding it so hard to shake it off. It (my head) feels better when I am typing but I don't want to write a novel lol. I apologize. I am just so disoriented I don't know what to do.
Again...what the *bleep* is wrong with me?!? I feel like a sick freak.
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