i am made up of anxiety, stammering, social phobia ,adjustment disorder, avoidance disorder ... thanks to my fathers' mental sick bloodline ...so i fear every moment i breath...when i speak it rains ****...i hate people...i am a joker to every other guy around me.....my parents are the greatest fools on this planet so i feel disgusting to have them around ..i dont want to see their face bcz it sucks like hell....they are responsible for my eternal suffering cz they brought me to this earth in abnormal condition...they should be punished for that...i dont pity them...i dont want my job...i dont want my impending job promotion... if somebody asks my name i cant tell it..i cant begin conversation...i am a typical *******...talking over phone is like kissing the hell...i avoid every joyful situation bcz i will be made fun of...i am 34 and unmarried....i wish i could forsake my parents ...thats the only way of feeling happy bcz they are utter responsible for my pathetic situation. i roam like a mad dog wishing that death could happen to me....let my soul burn in hell...one day i could piss on my parents' graves who knows...
I can somehow relate to the **** you are going through.. Listen, I hate my parents too but not everybody is born to those perfect parents we wish we had; they might be completely ignorant and misunderstanding to your condition and they will never get it.. So let it go, forget about them and start worrying about making yourself feel and become better..
I would be understanding to the fact you feel like crap recently as many people out there may never understand the fact how bad it feels to be in that position.. So you need to take it easy on people because not everybody out there will be able to relate, understand, sympathize or tolerate your situation.. Plus those who make fun of you, probably will never even get it or understand how destructive or harmful their behavior will be.
Even if you are 34, dont count those numbers just focus on taking more care of yourself and finding fulfilling things you enjoy doing..
It will be very tough to get out of this vicious cycle, not an easy route to salvation but its worth it... Least I could say, is that yes no matter how dark it is, there is a way out, all we have to do is build that way..
This **** might sound philosophical but there were times I tried to kill myself and believe me I was not the most brilliant thing to do.. I just realized, 9 months later 80% of the pain is now gone because I knew I had to get out of this ****hole and have worked on that as this pain and misery havent got me anywhere & almost cost me my life..
Lots of people out there keep such problems to themselves which is a shame as they end up harming themselves & even others at time..
Hang on buddy, We will try to help you find ways to cope with this crappy situation and escape this vicious cycle..
