I am a wierdo

#1
...and there ain't nothing I can do about it, It's so hard to explain my feelings in the last decade. From one side I really feel comfortable with myself because I improved a lot of my skills and I recently got a well-paid job and I think I'm smarter than most people around me that I knew during my life, but that's not enough, in fact, in another side I feel like a small mouse compared with other people, it doesn't matter what age, sex, race, I am nothing, they have a real life, not like me, I don't have any social interaction from at least 15 years and I'm 30 (almost). I've been bullied from elementary school to high school, more than 10 years later I still have scars on my hands because their favorite game was block my hands on the desk and beat me down with pens. I've been cyberbullied too, during that period I started to develop different diseases like depression, avoidant personality disorder, vomit and diarrhea anxiety. I had also bad work experience, just one. Anyway, the biggest problem right now is my social life, I don't have at all and my life is just work - home and parents sometimes, I'm sad. I never thought that I need friends for a better quality of life, I'd like to have a girlfriend but I'm too ugly to have one. I can't use social media because I have just 60 friends on facebook and I don't see them from years and should be weird post something without getting any like or comment, normal people look these things. I tried a few times to change my life trying new experience and making friends from 20s and I obviously failed, the first period in other groups wasn't too bad and I appeared like an OK-guy, after few weeks shy, and then wierdo because I don't know what people like to talk or to do, I don't understand when someone is joking or not because I've been bullied so often and now I can't trust anyone. I can't explain why I don't like to others, too serious? oh well, I just know that they have friends, not like me, I'd like to have a social life, nothing of extreme, just have someone to eat something around or just to talk ace to face, I am smart but I am also alone and lost in my life. Hopefully, you'll understand my English because I'm not an English native speaker and I can't write on my language on a different website because in my job I have to be perfect, no physical or mental problem admitted, I can't explain how I passed all exams, I was just lucky. I'll write here my feeling and stuff sometimes, hope to don't bother anyone.
 

lily

Well-known member
#3
I can understand from your experience, I got bullied too in junior high that I talked about before and I didn't know how to dress that time. Things that used to look good on me as a little kid didn't anymore as I was going into my teens.
 
#6
I was thinking that I need interest to develop friendships but what are my interest and hobbies? well, I don't know, I have some kind of interest as soccer, movies and travel, however, I can't measure up with others, in fact, I'm not as good as I thought because I can't remember actresses name or soccer players except the most famous but everyone else know everything about saga movies or the greatest matches of all time, more a hobby is popular and more you need to know about it, so, I'm out, I can just say that I appreciate movies and soccer, lol, guess who is not? I still have travel on my side but I got an important lesson from this stupid society, if you are a loser it doesn't matter what you do, nobody cares and you're still loser! Even if I could go to the moon, I would certainly be ignored by everyone. So what's the point? How to socialize if I don't have anything in common? When I scrool facebook and instagram I see alpha male and alpha female and... I don't get it! how they can have some fun drinking around, do shopping, or just eating in expensive fancy restaurant? Why womens are obsessed for make-up and clothes? (some mens too) Why mens are obsessed by cars? I mean everything should have a limit. I'm feeling alone and I don't undestand how others can have a so intense social-life. The only thing that I understand is: mens and women select just good-looking friends, if you're ugly like me you have no chance and you have to be really lucky to find unique people that don't select in that way.

Weirdness is not bad, it can be a sign of being unique, courageous in the face of the opinions of those who are too scared to show themselves.
I never seen weirdness from this point, you could be right but what's the price? I'm wierd and I spent mostly of my life sad, depressed and alone. I met some people like me but they didn't seemed realized in the life
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#7
I was thinking that I need interest to develop friendships but what are my interest and hobbies? well, I don't know, I have some kind of interest as soccer, movies and travel, however, I can't measure up with others, in fact, I'm not as good as I thought because I can't remember actresses name or soccer players except the most famous but everyone else know everything about saga movies or the greatest matches of all time, more a hobby is popular and more you need to know about it, so, I'm out, I can just say that I appreciate movies and soccer, lol, guess who is not? I still have travel on my side but I got an important lesson from this stupid society, if you are a loser it doesn't matter what you do, nobody cares and you're still loser! Even if I could go to the moon, I would certainly be ignored by everyone. So what's the point? How to socialize if I don't have anything in common? When I scrool facebook and instagram I see alpha male and alpha female and... I don't get it! how they can have some fun drinking around, do shopping, or just eating in expensive fancy restaurant? Why womens are obsessed for make-up and clothes? (some mens too) Why mens are obsessed by cars? I mean everything should have a limit. I'm feeling alone and I don't undestand how others can have a so intense social-life. The only thing that I understand is: mens and women select just good-looking friends, if you're ugly like me you have no chance and you have to be really lucky to find unique people that don't select in that way.



I never seen weirdness from this point, you could be right but what's the price? I'm wierd and I spent mostly of my life sad, depressed and alone. I met some people like me but they didn't seemed realized in the life
The price, not worrying so much what people think and living an authentic life.
 
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