I always worry that I came across badly

[WelshOne]

As the title says, I always tend to run over things in my mind after they happen, thinking that I may have come across to other people badly.

Today for example... I work at home on a farm, and today a girl about my age turned up with her father to collect one of their cattle who broke out and mixed with our suckling cows. So Im sitting on a tyre in the yard waiting for my co-worker to bring the cows in from the field and I see this girl walk over. She's really pretty and I immediately feel awkward because of it, but say hello, to not be rude. Anyway, fast forward and the cows are in the yard and this little heifer of theirs is wondering about. I know where its supposed to be herded so I try and shoo it the right way - it tried to run around me to I run to my left after it... and it trips over onto its belly, gets up again and runs. No big deal really cause they often slip on a patch of wet or mud, but now I cant stop thinking that this girl thinks Im a monster, chasing it for no reason (I dont think they knew I was trying to herd it somewhere) until it fell over. I really believe this is what she thinks of me now...

I avoided her most of the time after it was finally where it needed to be for them to reverse their trailer to load it up, too, which probably came across badly as well.

She probably doesnt think these things about me really - I expect she doesnt think ANYTHING about me, good or bad, but I cant get myself to believe that she thinks anything other than the above.

Thats just one example.

Anyone else like this? ::

 

[recluse]

I'm sure she doesn't think badly of you, you did what you had to do that's all. The thing with social anxiety is that we overanalyze things. I often find myself mulling over things because i get worried that i've upset someone o'r something.

 

[WelshOne]

Yeah I think thats the main problem, I over think things all the time.

The animals slip over all the time when they run, especially when the ground is wet... its just cause I suppose I CARE what this girl thought of me, Im thinking it over too much.

Ive spoken to my psychologist about similar situations before, and she always makes me try to think of what might be a more rational or probable response from the other person, but I have a hard time actually believing anything other than the negative one.

 

[Nicholas]

Anyone else like this? ::

I expect EVERYONE else who has SA to feel that way. Isn't that one of the fundamental things that define SA? Being too afraid of what the others think, being overly paranoid about whatever someone else might ever think about us.

Of course I am like that all the time. I interpret everything as "I might not have been good enough", in every possible situation. As a good example, consider that I can even get paranoid online, while chatting or in forums. If no one quotes or comments on what I said, I might think "Did anyone read it? Are they all disagreeing? Will they think I am stupid, weird, pathetic, or not nice?" ...and if someone says anything but there are no smileys and I am not sure if they are joking or anything, I might think "Are they criticizing me? Did I hurt them? Are they serious? Am I going to be disliked?" ... and so on.

I understand, it sucks, I know I need to change the way I think... I am going to work on it, though because I want to get well.

And since this post seems a bit too serous, I'm gonna smile! Hahah.

 

[this_portrait]

I always feel like I come across badly, too, mainly because I always freeze up when I go to talk to most people and end up mumbling out my words. I feel I did that with my roommate from last year; I acted a little chipper towards her online and all, and then, once we actually met, I was sooo socially awkward.