How unhealthy do you think it is to be lonely all the time

jellybean

Well-known member
Hi there I just wondered how unhealthy you thought it was to be alone. Apart from the social interaction I have at work where I am being bullied by a bitchy clique I have had absolutely no social contact for the last 4 months. I was ok before that but one or two incidents kinda sent me back into my anxiety and now I have retreated to almost a reclusive like state. I could talk to people if I had to and would be ok but I have no interest in spending time with anyone because I feel so hurt by people all the time. I have kinda shut myself off in a bid to avoiding pain. I remember the last few nights I went out I came home feeling worse so I decided that there was no point in going out. I don't know how I'll get out of this hole I find myself in yet again! Im also wondering how damaging you think it is for someone not to have there needs met in regards to friends and acceptance. Do you think it's possible to be happy when feeling so bleak about human kind. Im trying to be happy and find it very difficult what should I do?
 

recluse

Well-known member
I think being lonely can be beneficial sometimes but persistent loneliness is unhealthy, i think it depends on the person though. Most people get temporary loneliness if they are away from their friends/family for some time for example, but my loneliness and isolation never goes away. Most people cure their loneliness by meeting their friends but social contact makes me feel even more lonely, because i just don't know how to be part of a group and participate in conversation, i feel like i am in a bubble and i just feel i have nothing in common with anyone. I feel like i am going crazy with isolation.
 

jellybean

Well-known member
Hiya handsome! ye I know Im the same, would you believe I just had a panic attack after I wrote that email. This is taking so much out of me. Im learning how to change my internal dialogue through cognitive behavioral therapy so now instead of saying I can't relate to anyone ever Im trying to think I can relate to people Im just not at the moment. I feel so trapped aswell it's horrible. I think if I had a boyfriend I could get out of this situation because I just need on person to give me faith again. If I had one person I could trust and who accepted me for who I am I think I could be happy and that would snap me out of this rut Im in. The problem is that I am never going to meet someone sitting at home!! aghhhh
 
I agree with all the points made here. If anything I think the longer you are inisolation the worse it is because you become more disillusioned and it becomes harder to break out, even for something simple.
 

Argamemnon

Well-known member
Re: How unhealthy do you think it is to be lonely all the ti

Unfortunately, I realize that it's impossible.
 

Butterflies

Well-known member
Loneliness is a disease that eats away at your soul. We were created to want and need the human touch, love and companionship. Being alone though, can be a treasured moment where we indulge in our own company.

The balance is to find enjoyment in your alone time while not feeling lonely... to find those friends and social contact in life that add meaning rather than destroy.
 

jellybean

Well-known member
Found this online

Rejection Really Hurts, UCLA Psychologists Find


"While everyone accepts that physical pain is real, people are tempted to think that social pain is just in their heads," said Matthew D. Lieberman, one of the paper's three authors and an assistant professor of psychology at UCLA. "But physical and social pain may be more similar than we realized."

"In the English language we use physical metaphors to describe social pain like 'a broken heart' and 'hurt feelings,'" said Naomi I. Eisenberger, a UCLA Ph.D. candidate in social psychology and the study's lead author. "Now we see that there is good reason for this."

Eisenberger and Lieberman used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to monitor brain activity in 13 UCLA undergraduates while the students played a computer ball-tossing game designed to provoke feelings of social exclusion.

In Cyberball, two computer figures are able to throw a virtual ball to each other and to the game's human player. Although the activities of the figures are entirely computer-generated, the undergraduates were led to believe that they corresponded to other student players elsewhere.

"It's really the most boring game you can imagine, except at one point one of the two computer people stop throwing the ball to the real player," Lieberman said.

In the first of three rounds, experimenters instructed UCLA undergraduates just to watch the two other players because "technical difficulties" prevented them from participating. In the second round, the students were included in the ball-tossing game, but they were excluded from the last three-quarters of the third round by the other players. While the undergraduates later reported feeling excluded in the third round, fMRI scans revealed elevated activity during both the first and third rounds in the anterior cingulate. Located in the center of the brain, the cingulate has been implicated in generating the adverse experience of physical pain.

"Rationally we can say being excluded doesn't matter, but rejection of any form still appears to register automatically in the brain, and the mechanism appears to be similar to the experience of physical pain," Lieberman said.

When the undergraduates were conscious of being snubbed, cingulate activity directly responded to the amount of distress that they later reported feeling at being excluded.

The researchers also detected elevated levels of activity in another portion of the brain -- the right ventral prefrontal cortex -- but only during the game's third round. Located behind the forehead and eyes, the prefrontal cortex is associated with thinking about emotions and with self-control.

"The folks who had the most activity in the prefrontal cortex had the least amount of activity in the cingulate, making us think that one area is inhibiting one or the other," Lieberman said.

The psychologists theorize that the pain of being rejected may have evolved because of the importance of social bonds for the survival of most mammals.

"Going back 50,000 years, social distance from a group could lead to death and it still does for most infant mammals," Lieberman said. "We may have evolved a sensitivity to anything that would indicate that we're being excluded. This automatic alarm may be a signal for us to reestablish social bonds before harm befalls us."

"These findings show how deeply rooted our need is for social connection," Eisenberger said. "There's something about exclusion from others that is perceived as being as harmful to our survival as something that can physically hurt us, and our body automatically knows this."

The explanation is consistent with past research on mammals. Hamster mothers with damaged cingulates no longer take steps to keep their pups near and infant squirrel monkeys similarly affected no longer produce a spontaneous cry when separated from their mothers. In human mothers, fMRIs have shown that infant cries increase activity in the cingulate.

The prefrontal cortex, meanwhile, has been found to be key to thinking in words and controlling behavior, urges, emotions and thought. So researchers theorize that the prefrontal cortex may inhibit the cingulate as opposed to the other way around.

"Verbalizing distress may partially shut down areas of the brain that register distress," Lieberman said. "The regulating abilities of the prefrontal cortex may be why therapy and expressing painful feelings in poems and diaries is therapeutic."

But humans may need a conscious awareness of social exclusion to activate this buffering mechanism, the researchers said. The requirement would explain why the prefrontal cortex did not become activated during the first round of Cyberball, when the students were led to believe that a computer glitch prevented them from being included in the ball toss.

"If we have no reason to consciously believe that we're being excluded," Lieberman said, "we tend not to respond and regulate."

The study's third author is Kipling D. Williams, a psychology professor at Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia. Williams is the architect of Cyberball.

The project received funding from National Institute of Mental Health.
 

ljwwriter

Well-known member
Seems like even though the human population is exploding all over the world there has never been a lonelier time for many of us. There is just something about how society is structured nowadays that prevents us from making long-term, healthy connections with others.

I do think being lonely for a long time is uhealthy. None of us on this site are social butterflies, but I'm pretty sure we're not content being stuffed up in a cocoon either.
I think I've become so accustomed to being lonely that I barely even notice it any more. In fact, I really feel the loneliest when I'm surrounded by other people who obviously have much better socializations skills than I ever have, and have won the attention and interest of others as a result.
 

doogiebklyn

Member
Re: How unhealthy do you think it is to be lonely all the ti

Regardless of what else you do, I think you should seek some help. See a therapist. I was in a similar situation as you and therapy has been incredibly helpful. To have someone listen and not judge you, understand that we have a neurological condition. Medication has helped me, too, and they have not altered my personality. Just allowed me to be more functional and normal.

Being alone all the time is not healthy. I have been there myself. Do you have a hobby or interest? Try and find people who share the same interests. I started playing table tennis, after having played competitive as a teen, and I made several friends. Like I said, if you do nothing else, find a good therapist to talk to.

Best,

Douglas
 

HexNoir

Well-known member
Being alone can be great. Get your own space, do the shit you like to do, whenever the hell you feel like doing it... However, interaction can be awesome too. If you're around people who bring you down, or better yet, hurt your feelings on purpose - ABORT MISSION!
 

Prescious

Active member
Yeah well I have been alone for 9 months until I met this guy. But it didn't work out. I can tell he didn't really like me and I felt like I was bothering him because I called him all the time but he never called me unless I told him to.
Then I met this other guy and he was the complete opposite of the other guy. I mean he called me 24/7 all the time and I started to feel crowded so I dumped him. Now I am all alone again. And it hurts. I be in here and I feel so hopeless and helpless like my life is never going to change. Like I will always be this way. Like I will never have anybody and like I will always be alone. Prayer does help a little but I believe in the words of Ben Franklin," GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELPS THEMSELVES. I believe this alot. Anyway their should be SA dating. I need a man though or a friend. I don't even have friends. Well I have one male friend that calls me on a daily basis but he doesn't visit me. No matter how many times I tell him to come over to my house, he keeps saying next week, next week, but it has been a year now and this bastard still hasn't come over to visit me. I am practically 38 years old and I am still single. Never married. How much longer can I live like this?
Just sitting in my house, watching cable tv, surfing the internet, and the only attention I have is from my dog and cats. This can't go on any longer. Something must be done or I am afraid of what will happen
HELP :cry:
 

Finn

Member
I think it is unhealthly to be alone all the time, even if the only interaction you get is from people in your work place or school everyone needs a bit. That being said i find that sometimes i need to be alone as i just can't handle being around people so much. The problem is trying to find a balance between the two
 
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