How to survive a wedding?

[DanielLewis]

I'm attending the wedding of my friend who I grew up with. The wedding is to take place this Saturday and, as one on this website might expect, I'm feeling extremely apprehensive about it. My apprehension went up tenfold today because I discovered that it will be a 6-hour event minimum. Initially, I was to only attend the reception, which would've only been 1-2 hours. Now, plans have changed as the groom has opened up the ceremony and following affairs to more people. Although I haven't hung out with him much at all over the years, I would've felt guilty to not accept his invitation to be at the entire event. There's no getting out of it now.

I'm already imagining the potentially dreadful, uncomfortable experience this might turn out to be. The only reason I'm not saying with certainty that it will be that way is to give myself a glimmer of hope. This hope, unfortunately, isn't congruent with the countless, less important social events in my past that were painfully awkward and anxiety-filled. I can try to find hope in the fact that some of my family members will be there temporarily. For a time, I'll be able to stick close to them for familiarity and comfort. But that will only last so long before they leave while I'm expected to stay the whole time. At that point, I'll be pretty much on my own and left to mingle with mostly strangers and people I've only been around a few times. Oddly enough, the strangers don't concern me as much as the people who I've had a close or loose relationship in the past with. Their being there worries me a lot, because I care about their opinions about me much more than those of strangers. Also, social etiquette and politeness will require me to attempt to strike up conversations with most of these people whereas it is somewhat acceptable to avoid strangers.

Many of you have had these same feelings and experiences with going to a wedding. How did you manage to get through it? Based on the above information, what advice can you give me? I don't know what to do, and I'm even considering intoxicating myself to get through this 6-hour event. I'm so anxious about it that I remembered this website, which I haven't been on in years, and decided to post this thread.

 

[Sacrament]

Just try to enjoy it as much as possible. Instead of focusing on how anxious you are, try engaging in conversation with other people, maybe even people who seem to also be anxious/uncomfortable, or simply people who are by themselves. If you focus on them instead of on you and your anxiety, you'll see time going by. Plus, the event's all about the bride and groom, so everyone will be focusing on them.

 

[Phoenixx]

Is there anyone at this wedding you know besides the groom? Is there any chance you can sit with the person you know to make it a little more enjoyable? Every wedding I've been to there's been at least one person I've known, and as such I try to sit next to them during the ceremony - given they're guests like me and not main family that need to sit up front - and speak with them if they do not mind. (I ask beforehand, "Hey can I sit next to you?" and try to make conversation, even if it's painful) Is there assigned seating at the reception? If so, that makes it easier imo. No need to go around asking if you can sit at a table with other people or feel you need to be by yourself because you feel awkward. And more often than not, the people you sit with will often converse with you anyways. If no assigned seating, again if there's someone you know, ask if you can sit with them and just explain yourself and how you're feeling if you haven't already. People can be fairly accommodating in these situations. Also sometimes if I'm at a wedding and feeling awkward during the reception, I'll get up and walk around and admire the decor. More often than not, other people will be doing the same and will often make small talk about it. Stick it out, drink if you have to take some edge off but don't get wasted or drunk, focus on the event itself, and you'll be fine.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

When is the wedding?

 

[DanielLewis]

When is the wedding?

Today at 3 p.m.

 

[DanielLewis]

Is there anyone at this wedding you know besides the groom? Is there any chance you can sit with the person you know to make it a little more enjoyable? Every wedding I've been to there's been at least one person I've known, and as such I try to sit next to them during the ceremony - given they're guests like me and not main family that need to sit up front - and speak with them if they do not mind. (I ask beforehand, "Hey can I sit next to you?" and try to make conversation, even if it's painful) Is there assigned seating at the reception? If so, that makes it easier imo. No need to go around asking if you can sit at a table with other people or feel you need to be by yourself because you feel awkward. And more often than not, the people you sit with will often converse with you anyways. If no assigned seating, again if there's someone you know, ask if you can sit with them and just explain yourself and how you're feeling if you haven't already. People can be fairly accommodating in these situations. Also sometimes if I'm at a wedding and feeling awkward during the reception, I'll get up and walk around and admire the decor. More often than not, other people will be doing the same and will often make small talk about it. Stick it out, drink if you have to take some edge off but don't get wasted or drunk, focus on the event itself, and you'll be fine.

Yes, it’ll be nice if there’s assigned seating, and I’m seated next to the people I’m most familiar with. These only two people who I’ll feel at ease around are my mom and brother. But they don’t have SA problems like I do, so they’ll be off mingling by themselves.

It helps that there will probably be others who will make an effort to engage in conversation with me. But the problem is that I really struggle with holding a conversation and being engaging myself. So, the conversation can die rather quickly. Plus, I’m worried because I know I must be the one to initiate conversations with people as well, and I won’t know what to say. On top of all that, I tend to come across a bit too serious as well and find eye contact to be uncomfortable.

Basically, a 6-hour wedding event is perhaps the worst social situation to have to endure for a guy like me. I feel the immense pressure to not look like I’m not having a good time or being rude by ignoring people or being awkward. Best things I think I can do are to intoxicate myself beforehand and to write down some conversation starters to use so I’ll at least have something to say.

I know I’ll be okay in the end, but I really don’t want to leave as a “bad” wedding guest. And, besides the bride and groom, there’ll be a few other people there whose opinion about my behavior I care about. I know I’m making this sound way worse than it should be, but it’s only that way because of the social etiquette and expectations that come with a wedding. Almost any other social event and I wouldn’t be so worried.

 

[Phoenixx]

Yes, it’ll be nice if there’s assigned seating, and I’m seated next to the people I’m most familiar with. These only two people who I’ll feel at ease around are my mom and brother. But they don’t have SA problems like I do, so they’ll be off mingling by themselves.

It helps that there will probably be others who will make an effort to engage in conversation with me. But the problem is that I really struggle with holding a conversation and being engaging myself. So, the conversation can die rather quickly. Plus, I’m worried because I know I must be the one to initiate conversations with people as well, and I won’t know what to say. On top of all that, I tend to come across a bit too serious as well and find eye contact to be uncomfortable.

Basically, a 6-hour wedding event is perhaps the worst social situation to have to endure for a guy like me. I feel the immense pressure to not look like I’m not having a good time or being rude by ignoring people or being awkward. Best things I think I can do are to intoxicate myself beforehand and to write down some conversation starters to use so I’ll at least have something to say.

I know I’ll be okay in the end, but I really don’t want to leave as a “bad” wedding guest. And, besides the bride and groom, there’ll be a few other people there whose opinion about my behavior I care about. I know I’m making this sound way worse than it should be, but it’s only that way because of the social etiquette and expectations that come with a wedding. Almost any other social event and I wouldn’t be so worried.

I would stick with your mom and brother for the entire event if possible. I know that probably sounds a little childish, but if that's what gets you through and they're good about it, it'll help. Writing down conversation starters is a good idea. Remember, people like to talk about themselves. I don't mean that in a pompous way, but most people like to indulge in what they're doing, what they like and they like to have someone else's interest - so don't think you're prying or that they don't want to talk to you for asking simple questions. Knowing that tidbit makes coming up with questions for other people easier. If I absolutely have to talk to someone at a wedding I don't know, and hopefully that person starts the conversation first, then I will follow what they're saying with a question if possible. Or if they ask me a question and I answer, I'll ask the same question to them if it applies too. Anything to keep a conversation going without making it too awkward. Good luck today, you'll get through it!