how to see myself in a good light

johndoe54

Member
I have recently figured out the reason I am shy is because I see my social abilities very negatively. I learnt this as a kid, I am in my 20s now. I try and list positive things about me but it doesn't take much to go back to the horrible negative views.

anyone got advice for how to make these more positive views stick?
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Wish I could help but I'm in the same boat. The only plus side for me is when positive things happen for me (regardless of how minor), it puts me in a very good mood.
 

Hoppy

Well-known member
Lots of practice. Changing your mindset from someone who thinks negatively to be a positive person will take quite a while.

There is a little book, Positive thinking by Vera Peiffer (not sure about the spelling)

I do recommend you read it, lots of practical advice and also some scripts you can follow for yourself.

My personal favorite starts "I am a constructive person with a positive outlook on life. "

Added with some relaxation techniques and it makes the world for a small moment a much better place.
 

johndoe54

Member
Could you list the positive things about you here? That may be a good starting point.

I am engaging, I will always give other people a chance to speak, I am fun, I am loyal, I can be funny (more slapstick than witty)

i am trying to tell these to myself every day
 

johndoe54

Member
Do you only see your social skills negatively or do you see your whole self negatively?

Varies, depending on my mood. I love being myself when I can shake off the shyness, but this hasn't happened that often.

The social element has always been there, so it is the norm, which is why it took me so long to figure out how much a problem it was. I always thought there was something wrong with me.

My shyness caused me to fall apart at uni and now I am trying to rebuild myself back up.
 

singing-love

Well-known member
I find that writing things down or placing positive comments/thoughts you have had about yourself around you is a good way to keep yourself from sinking into negativity. Keeping yourself accountable for negative thoughts and locating them before they override your brain is also really important, learning to recognize when the negativity is increasing and think positive things to focus on instead. For some people picking one good thing a day and remembering it as the day progresses is a good start and eventually you'll adapt to seeing it naturally. Also the people around you and your environment is important, if people are constantly putting you down or constantly "chaotic" then that won't help you. Support is a really good thing, remember you aren't alone and things won't seem so difficult.
 

sphynx

Active member
I am engaging, I will always give other people a chance to speak, I am fun, I am loyal, I can be funny (more slapstick than witty)

i am trying to tell these to myself every day

Sounds good so far, especially the loyalty part. I know a few girls who value loyalty above all else, since their (former) boyfriends had cheated on them. If you could find such a girl, she would help you see yourself in the good light. Of course, that's kind of a chicken and the egg problem, but it can happen. And yes, that's from personal experience.
 
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