How to say "no"?

[Steelsoul]

Just a few day a go my best friend asked me to go with him to a party. He said he didn't want to go alone. But I was always afraid of parties like that, all strangers. So I didn't want to go at all. But I still went there with him because I didn't want to let him down. It turned out to be not a good decision. My friend was attracted by cool people at the party and completely forgot about me. I was standing there, alone when everybody started staring at me. I feel like a weirdo at the party where everybody was having fun talking to each other. I can't stand the feeling so i left early

But i'm not here asking you how to be a cooler person at parties. I want to learn how to say "no". In my life, i've been asked so many times to do this, do that, etc...for people. And i argeed without hesitation because i don't want to hurt their feelings and i don't want them to hate me. But it seems that they are relying too much on me lately.

I'm not good at rejecting an invitation too. When someone asks me to go out with them or go to their party, it's hard for me too say "no" 'cause i think it was very kind of them to invite me since I'm not very social. I should not let them down although i don't like parties. Whenever i go to parties, it always end up like the story above.

Am I thinking too much? I need your opinions

 

[Diend]

I think there are many different ways you can tackle this situation. First, you can throw away being polite and put your priorities ahead of your friend's. Ask yourself: is this a good decision for you? If no, them say "no". Maybe you will miss an opportunity for some free food, but maybe parties are just not for you. Who said they had to be for everyone. The other way to tackle the situation is to completely make a fool of yourself. So what's the first instinct you get when your friend ditches you? It might be to run but it could also be "look for other loners". Your counter instinct would be "no, that's too embarrassing" but it may be a fun experiment to see what could happen.

 

[Odo]

I'm really not sure-- I think that I would probably just come out and tell him that I don't have fun at these things and I don't want to go, but if you have problems with saying things like that, then maybe you could start up an exercise routine or something that demands a certain amount of time, and make sure that you're always scheduled to do it when he wants to go out. There's always 'I'm not really feeling it tonight', or some sort of non-specific excuse for not going… but I know that whenever I don't go to those kinds of things (this was when I was actually being invited), I always felt like a major loser for not going, even though going made me feel like a loser too.

Anyways, I don't think that that's a permanent solution and you might want to find a more proven solution to being able to let your friends know how you feel about these kinds of things…

 

[jaim38]

You should tell him the truth and if he respects you for it, then he's a true friend. I don't see why he needs you to tag along since he's doing so well hanging out with the cool kids. If he keeps on nagging you to come to another party, ask him why he needs you around. Does he need you as his wingman, or some prop to make him look better?

 

[Steelsoul]

Thanks you all. To be honest,I have said no a few times. Although they did not begging me to do it for them, i still feel sorry that i have to refuse.

I now realized that i can't make all people happy. Maybe i should plesae myself first before pleasing others

You should tell him the truth and if he respects you for it, then he's a true friend. I don't see why he needs you to tag along since he's doing so well hanging out with the cool kids. If he keeps on nagging you to come to another party, ask him why he needs you around. Does he need you as his wingman, or some prop to make him look better?

About that, I have just asked him two days ago. He said that the reason he wants me to go with him is that he think i should have fun outside the house. "I think you need to be more outgoing, and there is no good staying at home all summer, you should go out and meet new people" He also apologized for not with me that day. I guess i'll just forgive him for now, since he don't know anything about my SA

 

[MikeyC]

About that, I have just asked him two days ago. He said that the reason he wants me to go with him is that he think i should have fun outside the house. "I think you need to be more outgoing, and there is no good staying at home all summer, you should go out and meet new people"

He thinks it'll be good for you? What does he know about you that you don't know? That's the sign of a friend who has good intentions, but feels it's his responsibility to get you out, which is not what a friend would do.

As for saying no, there's no real trick to it. Eventually you're going to be so fed up of doing things for people, or you'll actually have other plans, and you'll say no. Once you do it a few times, you'll surprise yourself at how easy it is to keep doing it.

 

[jc972]

Sounds to me like people like to use in case when y'all get to these parties nobody talks to them, you're there. It's hard to say no when it feels like these are the only friends you have but why cant these people you speak of introduce you to these "cool" kids?