I was bullied by this roommate in grad school who was very jealous, competitive with me academically.I was routinely belittled, yelled at, closely monitored in the room everyday.I couldn't tolerate her harassment and wrote something nasty about her in my journal . When I was out, she took my journal from my closet and read it.all hell broke loose. she accused me of being a mean backbiter and that she was only trying to be my friend and made those comments for my well being. She went around pity playing and tried turning everyone against me.she also said things like "If you didn't come and talk to me I wouldn't have bothered talking to you".my health and grades failed as I was not able to focus with all this drama. I was 10,000 miles away from family and had no support system in college and grad school was very very stressful. Her boyfriend went around calling me a dangerous person to mutual friends.turns out she had misbehaved with everyone and people refused to support her. A few months later, I made friends with this guy from class.I confided to him that I was not able to focus on my studies because of this girl's drama. I later came to know that he had told her that her action was very indecent.the bully wailed, went around complaining that no one is supporting her. other girls in class did not want to hang out with her and she blamed that on me as well. There was this study room where I would stay all the time as I couldn't face her at home.One , she wanted to study there and entered the room and gave me this fake friendly smile.I ignored her as I felt very uncomfortable with her presence .This angered her , she gave me this angry stare and ignored me that day.a year later, she finally realized that no one was going to support her.she came up and patched things with me saying these words " I am sorry for reading your diary.(the word sorry looked forced and not genuine at all, more like i have no other choice but to apologize and she also looked disgusted that she had to patch up with me).I am myself coming down and talking to you. I am not like the person you think I am.I am very friendly. let us patch up. What you wrote in your diary about me is wrong and me reading your diary is also wrong.so, now it is equal".
Being very naive, I trusted her,apologized for writing something mean about her in my journal and even complimented that she is a wonderful person(I truly meant it as I felt very bad for hurting her feelings through my words in my journal) and accepted her as a friend. She seemed very happy by my reaction and this time around she was on her BEST behavior and we ended up becoming good friends. She did make a few jabs here and there but otherwise her behavior was impeccable.I moved to another room within the same house and she asked me if I wanted to move back in . I got very tensed and said no no.She seemed to have gotten really hurt by this as I saw her wipe a tear but it was not my intention to hurt her.Once my lease got over I moved out of the house I was sharing with her.
Now we were a gang of four girls , including the bully and me. Due to some events, I ended up as the punching bag for the other two girls to vent their anger and frustrations which hurt me deeply.I would be left out from group studies on purpose etc.
Around this time I heard about a couple of very disrespectful comments the bully had made about the other two girls. I was like "OMG if this is the amount of respect she has for people who are nice to her, then imagine what she must have said about me " .I felt very uncomfortable and started distancing myself from her . The bully called me out twice and when I refused, she got mad and stopped talking to me.and then I did something stupid, I felt that I had made a mistake of distancing myself and was unsure as to what to do.so, like a fool, I called her up to wish her on her birthday and while talking informed her about my new job.she seemed very shocked by the news but did not ask me any further questions.later, she called up a friend and asked "I've got information from a trusted source that X(me)has a new job, can you give me more information about it?".My friend refused to divulge any info and informed me about it.I was filled with disgust that I couldn't even look at her face.This infuriated her and she tried bullying me again by shouting but I did not even bother looking at her. I also did something very wrong. I was seething with anger with all the girls. I called up the other two girls in our gang and informed them about the disrespectful comments the bully had made. I wanted them to feel the pain and hurt I felt during the 2 years. after that, I cut all contacts with everyone and moved on.
The next few years were very difficult for me. My health suffered, I developed severe anxiety and memory problems because of which my career got ruined. I suffered from extreme guilt for my actions.
Today, I feel like a broken woman. I am unable to enjoy my present moment and feel like as if I have lost something because of the incidents in grad school. I have been to numerous therapists and don't know what to do and how to let go of what happened and move on.
Please help.Thanks
Being very naive, I trusted her,apologized for writing something mean about her in my journal and even complimented that she is a wonderful person(I truly meant it as I felt very bad for hurting her feelings through my words in my journal) and accepted her as a friend. She seemed very happy by my reaction and this time around she was on her BEST behavior and we ended up becoming good friends. She did make a few jabs here and there but otherwise her behavior was impeccable.I moved to another room within the same house and she asked me if I wanted to move back in . I got very tensed and said no no.She seemed to have gotten really hurt by this as I saw her wipe a tear but it was not my intention to hurt her.Once my lease got over I moved out of the house I was sharing with her.
Now we were a gang of four girls , including the bully and me. Due to some events, I ended up as the punching bag for the other two girls to vent their anger and frustrations which hurt me deeply.I would be left out from group studies on purpose etc.
Around this time I heard about a couple of very disrespectful comments the bully had made about the other two girls. I was like "OMG if this is the amount of respect she has for people who are nice to her, then imagine what she must have said about me " .I felt very uncomfortable and started distancing myself from her . The bully called me out twice and when I refused, she got mad and stopped talking to me.and then I did something stupid, I felt that I had made a mistake of distancing myself and was unsure as to what to do.so, like a fool, I called her up to wish her on her birthday and while talking informed her about my new job.she seemed very shocked by the news but did not ask me any further questions.later, she called up a friend and asked "I've got information from a trusted source that X(me)has a new job, can you give me more information about it?".My friend refused to divulge any info and informed me about it.I was filled with disgust that I couldn't even look at her face.This infuriated her and she tried bullying me again by shouting but I did not even bother looking at her. I also did something very wrong. I was seething with anger with all the girls. I called up the other two girls in our gang and informed them about the disrespectful comments the bully had made. I wanted them to feel the pain and hurt I felt during the 2 years. after that, I cut all contacts with everyone and moved on.
The next few years were very difficult for me. My health suffered, I developed severe anxiety and memory problems because of which my career got ruined. I suffered from extreme guilt for my actions.
Today, I feel like a broken woman. I am unable to enjoy my present moment and feel like as if I have lost something because of the incidents in grad school. I have been to numerous therapists and don't know what to do and how to let go of what happened and move on.
Please help.Thanks
