how to move on from the past?

[EscapeArtist]

at first it felt extremely beneficial to revisit the past, I had been in denial about the loss of my friends, community, and family from a move from the US to Canada when I was 13 up until 3 years ago, so when I began to dig up the past, it seemed extremely beneficial. I was sorting out important emotions and getting to know myself again. I was taking ahold of the present at the same time.

But the present has not met the expectations that have been hightened by removing the denial of how much I miss my past. now I can't shake it. My only place of comfort is my past. I bury myself in a fantasy world of the 90s and all that it was for me. Movies from my childhood, music, everything, and this zone I hide in grows more and more. My beautiful life before the move and divorce of my family.


When I see what my present is I become very depressed and bitter. I can't have the things back that I had in my childhood. And so nothing seems worth anything in the present, these things are not important to me compared to what I feel I've lost. It comes to the point where I feel like I can't feel anything in the present. This is the main source of my depression. Relocation, divorce, loss of belonging and safety and person before age of 13. As if I was outlawed from the 'otherside' where people live in their belonging and childhood neighbourhoods, and I'm on the cold side where none of it can exist. Faulty thinking? probably

How to move on? Better yet, how do I keep my past with me as part of my identity and give it the value it deserves by seeing the present as EQUAL potential? I am so lost, really, I value every answer. Even google won't give me an answer.. Lol.. Concrete actions, to move the heck on... if you need more info i can give.

I don't want to let go... completely. I just want to feel as alive as I used to. I will do it for that. How do I let go.

 

[shakethelight]

Im having that same issue. I feel like I used to have a better quaility of life. or maybe thats what I want to remember.

I hope youre able to let go & move on.

 

[NeonDream]

Read the story "Tiger & the Strawberry". It is a short and tragic story but has a really beneficial meaning. I just read it a few days ago.

I tend to think about that story whenever I think about the past. The tigers in the story are like what hold us back in life and the strawberry is what allows you to enjoy every minute of your life. It sounds silly but could help...

 

[MikeyC]

But the present has not met the expectations that have been hightened by removing the denial of how much I miss my past. now I can't shake it. My only place of comfort is my past.

When I see what my present is I become very depressed and bitter. I can't have the things back that I had in my childhood.

See, the funny thing with memories is that our minds can subtly remove our unwanted memories and only leave us with the good times. This is how I think you're feeling now: you're only thinking of the most pleasant memories of your childhood, such as your favourite TV shows, movies, living in America, and so forth. There was probably a plethora of sad times mixed in, too, but you're too focused on the good.

There's nothing even wrong with that, really, but trying to reclaim that is detrimental to your life now.

How to move on? Better yet, how do I keep my past with me as part of my identity and give it the value it deserves by seeing the present as EQUAL potential?

I think what you can do is basically acknowledge the fact that your past was great and that you had a really good time experiencing them, but that those times are now over and your life is vastly different to that.

There's no rule saying that your life right now can't be as good or even better than what you experienced back then. For example, I'm sure that right now you have a lot more freedom than you did when you were 13 or younger, so use that to your advantage! The past is what it is, but your future has not yet been written, which means it could be filled with so much awesome that you will no longer be pining for the past, as you are now.

I don't want to let go... completely.

Nor should you. You have some wonderful memories and they are things that will stick with you forever.