How to deal with a B*STARD of a father

[theslowesthand]

It's people like my father, who almost make me believe in the existence of evil, Satan, & demons, etc. As the evil-doing is usually very subtle, & that's what Satan & his demons are all about - subtle evil. With my father, he's usually in his Dr Jekyll, which although polite/nice/etc is secretly at the same time doing covert/subtle evil (eg hiding his true self/intentions, hiding his Mr Hyde). His Mr Hyde simply lets all the evil show overtly, as Satan & demons do from time to time (eg if they get angry or frustrated).

This thread should really be called "How to deal with a SATANIC father".

 

[theslowesthand]

But it's PARTLY my fault, as i've LET the aggressive, domineering, overbearing, scary, manipulating c*nt "walk all over me" on many an occasion. You see, i've always been an easy target, a pushover, quiet, shy, skinny build, etc (& a bottler, hence my rage explosions on the rare occasion, often triggered by yet more bad-treatment by him or others). I also got bullied at school for probably those reasons. I haven't had the BALLS till recent times, to CONFRONT those who bully/control/etc me - one of those bullies who i've lived in close contact with - the old man. Though his bullying was seldom physical, but was bullying via manipulation, threat of violence, insults, "evil eye", domination, control, etc, etc. I still think that makes him a bully.

 

[theslowesthand]

This thread has now reached the TOP of Hot Threads This Week (!!!) :bigsmile: :applause:

 

[lily]

It's people like my father, who almost make me believe in the existence of evil, Satan, & demons, etc. As the evil-doing is usually very subtle, & that's what Satan & his demons are all about - subtle evil. With my father, he's usually in his Dr Jekyll, which although polite/nice/etc is secretly at the same time doing covert/subtle evil (eg hiding his true self/intentions, hiding his Mr Hyde). His Mr Hyde simply lets all the evil show overtly, as Satan & demons do from time to time (eg if they get angry or frustrated).

This thread should really be called "How to deal with a SATANIC father".

yes, there's good/evil God/the devil and the reason i believe in the bible is bc i think God gave a a book of directions! And also other pastor's i really look up to their sincerity have testified that God has really directed them. Also, he's the only one who claims to be the one and only God, not even buddha but they're fun images to kneel down to lol

 

[theslowesthand]

...not even buddha but they're fun images to kneel down to lol

Religion shouldn't be & isn't meant to be a "fun" thing to do to pass the time. Sorry to all you billions of people out there.

 

[lily]

but sometimes i feel those images r fun :bigsmile: and the incense but it's funny that some people really believe that it's true that they're praying to a God for their agony, not that they're agony is funny. if i go there i'd still believe the God i believe in but will be doing what they're doing as it's just a release anyway lol but i'd rather go to a church chapel like those catholic ones. i like that they still believe in the God i believe in plus they have those nice glass designs on their church

 

[grapevine]

I think its healthy to realise that your father has issues with meeting needs to his children and others. Once you know that, you're not going to set yourself up with expectations and disappointment. Altho it's infuriating and impractical for you living near him because he can get your self-development and self-esteem down from his unjustified rude and unloving behaviour.
Your best bet is to heavy yourself on things and people that do lift you up and minimalize if you can contact with your dad. Put up your boundaries with him. Tell him straight too, that you find his behaviour towards you completely out of order, disrespectful and hurtful and that it makes you feel bad etc. Im sure people like your father (from what Ive experienced) dont realise thier impact on others. They think they do, but they see only what they want to see and not what really is there and what they do. There are so many people like that. Alsmot like the opposite of shyness. Rugs is like that btw lol.

Tell yourself altho he is your father, you do not have to wallow in his small minded world because you are way better than that.

 

[lily]

that's a really great thing you wrote there grapevine, that some people don't realize their impact on others and to tell them that they're doing things that are rude, unloving and hurtful and to unfortunately if he doesn't change to set up boundaries against your own father but still give the opportunity for him to call in the case he would one day like to say sorry.

 

[Hot_Tamale]

If you've never heard of a book called "Your mind is what your brain does for a living" I highly recommend it. The first part of the book is about experiencing traumas as a child and how those experiences shape the decision making processes as an adult. Just food for thought.

 

[theslowesthand]

Just a few more facts about him.

• According to mum, he beat her into submission early in their marriage
• He regularly took to animals (cows, goats, sheep) with planks of wood, whenever they frustrated him (ie "disobeyed" him), right in front of the family
• One time the dog was hiding behind me, and he threw a length at wood at us & it flew past my head about half a meter away.
• He used whatever was handy. One time there was nothing at hand, so he kicked a sheep repeatedly in the head, until one eyeball was hanging out.
• When i was about 3 yrs old, i disobeyed him when he told me not to walk up the hill to wave goodbye to my brother, whom mum was taking in the car for his first day of primary school. When i did, and returned down the hill, dad took off his belt & strapped me several times. I just wanted to say goodbye, as i was sad (i have attachment disorder)

Of course, as i grew older, the "disagreements" became more violent (kicking me in the backside, throwing a large rock at my head (missed)). He has this "angry man" vibe about him, and that threat of his violent temper scared me all throughout my life to date. Even though he's over 80 now, the other month in an argument, he held his hand in a fist & threatened to knock me out. After the last few years of violent confrontations, i can say that i'm pretty much "done" with him. We might be amicable again in the future, but i'll never like him & always know that he's a real b*stard BEHIND his friendly-yet-menacing appearance.

 

[Lionhearted]

It's terrible to know that your father did all these things - I honestly need some time to 'comprehend' all of it - but I would plead with you to forgive him, forgive yourself, and to just follow a reasonable lifestyle, which will most likely lead him to do the same.

I know it's very unlikely(and easy to say), but if all the other members of the family were to adopt a 'psychologically healthy' way of interaction and mutual respect, he has to change his behaviour to be more like the others. If he doesn't... well, then it's not your fault.

If you don't mind, I would like to state my opinion. I'd recommend that you find a suitable place to live - as quick as possible - and live away from your father. If anything, it seems he's causing you to become a very aggressive and impulsive person(no offence). I say this, because I too bottle up a lot of anger, and I even know of a friend who does the same. It all eventually leads to 'rage episodes' where you will 'burst out' and cause a lot of embarrassment and unnecessary hurting of others' feelings.

So far as I know, after the initial raging, I always feel really guilty. I didn't read through your posts with much detail, but I think that's a very good sign if you also feel guilty. No matter against whom you shouted/blurted out at. From what you mentioned about your father though - it sounds like he's getting more and more angry after each time he gets angry, and maybe the frustration of not being able to deal with situations reasonably as he may have expected, might be causing the anger.

But whatever it is, one of the objectively best advices which I can give, is that you shouldn't, in no possible way, allow him to ruin who you are. For starting it off, why don't you try isolating him when he's angry?

 

[theslowesthand]

I didn't read through your posts with much detail

You need to re-read all of it, in careful detail, as it's important stuff i wrote there. That way you can get the "complete picture", or as near to as possible.

Note that he doesn't act out in rage or animosity all the time, but it's just on the odd occasion - the rest of the time he hardly says boo; he just sits reading the newspaper or watching the tv, without saying a word to me, which is GOOD, as there's a good chance he'll say sth vile/nasty (what's on his mind).